


On The Mend

by shipping_slut



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Masturbation in Shower, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Shameless Smut, i wrote this for myself but y'all can read it too if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:35:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipping_slut/pseuds/shipping_slut
Summary: When Hershel Greene suffers a massive stroke, his daughter Beth knows it’s only a matter of time before she loses her beloved father. Living on the family property is Shane Walsh, the resident bad boy cop who finds himself an outcast after an affair with his former partner’s wife leaves him without his best friend, and a bad reputation that he knows he’ll never live down. As Beth steels herself for the inevitable loss of her father she enlists Shane’s help in fixing up the old farmhouse for sale. It’s then that she begins to see past Shane’s transgressions, and realizes that there’s more to him than his reputation suggests. Will she sell the house and move to a new life in Atlanta with her sister? Or will she take a chance on the good man who made a bad choice?AU - no zombies. Rated Explicit for future reasons, tags will change as the story progresses.
Relationships: Beth Greene/Shane Walsh
Comments: 51
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just so everyone knows, I have already written this entire fic before uploading the first chapter! Which means the updates will be regular. I plan to have Chapter 2 posted fairly quickly, just to get the ball rolling, and will then post an update every five days. 
> 
> I realize this is an extremely rare pair made of up of two dead characters in a dying fandom. But, I picked my username for a reason. So if there's anyone else out there that crackships like I do...have at it.
> 
> *Please note, if this is a ship you have no desire to read or one that unsettles you, please click that nifty X in the top right hand corner of your tab, no hard feelings. Otherwise, a big thank you to anyone who takes the time to read!

He parked the cruiser under the only shady tree he could find in hopes it’d stay cool, not that it would help. June in King County was hotter than Hell and Shane Walsh was positive that was where he was headed. The picnic table she’d told him to meet at creaked under his weight and after a few minutes ticked by, Lori Grimes was nowhere to be found. Maybe she’d changed her mind or maybe she’d realized that the park wasn’t the best place to meet. Not with all of her peers crowding the place with their toddlers, housewives who only came to the park so they could find something to gossip about. Shane had heard enough gossip for a lifetime.

Finally she appeared, waddling towards him, her skinny legs looking like they might break under the weight of her pregnant stomach. It was startling, Shane hadn’t seen her since her piss had barely been dry on the stick and even then he’d been distracted by the very angry man who used to call him a best friend.

“You’re late,” Shane grunted, looking at anything except her swollen stomach.

“Maybe you were just early,” Lori snapped back.

Whatever had happened between them, Shane knew it was long gone. It had been a mistake, the biggest mistake he’d ever made, one that had cost him his best friend. The Grimes family was off limits to him now and for good reason.

“This ain’t the most discreet place,” Shane told her, finally sneaking a glance towards her face only to find Lori frowning back at him.

“That’s the point. If Rick were to find out, at least he’ll know nothing else happened.”

The silence afterwards lingered and Shane couldn’t help but think about what he’d done to land himself in such a position. Once upon a time, Lori had been one of his closest friends, his best friend and partner’s wife. Then Rick had gotten himself shot and while he laid up in the hospital recovering, Shane had filled in for him around the house, like any best friend would. It wasn’t until he’d filled in for Rick as a lover to Lori that he’d really crossed a line, a line Rick had found out about the moment he got home. Needless to say, the two were no longer on speaking terms. Rick became a pencil pusher to keep the little wife satisfied that he’d never get shot again and Shane found himself more alone than he’d ever been.

In the beginning his intentions had been pure, until the sex started. Then suddenly Shane had found himself taking care of a family he’d never thought he’d have, at least, until Rick returned home to claim them.

“You gonna enlighten me as to what this is all about or am supposed to guess?” Shane asked, growing impatient.

If time and distance had done nothing else, it’d reminded Shane that he’d never had much in common with Lori. He’d loved Rick and Rick’s son, but whatever had fueled his and Lori’s evil deeds certainly wasn’t affection, perhaps just desperation. 

“I’m getting there,” she answered, resting a hand on her stomach.

And finally with a dramatic sigh, she dropped the bomb.

“We’ve decided to move.”

“Well congratulations. Am I invited to the housewarmin’ party?”

“To Virginia, Shane. We thought it’d be easier to start over somewhere farther away. I thought you had the right to know.”

It was pure instinct that his eyes shot back to her stomach. Lori had never admitted it, Rick had sworn otherwise, but every last citizen of King County knew that baby belonged to Shane and not her husband. She wouldn’t say it out loud but suddenly Shane knew exactly the point of this little meeting. It was nothing more than her confession that she was skipping town, his baby included.

“So that’s it?” He asked.

“I’m sorry.”

Shane just laughed. What had he expected? For them to suddenly welcome him back with open arms, to actually allow him into their lives since he had every right to the baby growing inside of her? Sure, he could pitch a fit, demand a DNA test, but what good would that do anyone? The kid would have a good family. Lori and Rick had their problems, clearly, but they loved their kids. Carl Grimes was proof of how well they parented. Shane, on the other hand, had absolutely nothing to offer. Why screw up any more happy families?

“How’s Hershel Greene doing?” Lori asked, clearly trying to change the topic, probably feeling too guilty to leave so soon.

“He’ll be dead in a week.”

It was a terrible thought but Shane was feeling all sorts of terrible. The old man had helped him out a lot in the past six months and Shane knew better than to speak poorly of him, even if Hershel had cursed his name quite a few times before their arrangement.

“That must be hard on his girls, losing their daddy”

“I imagine so, we don’t exactly speak much. But he ain’t dead yet.”

“You still stayin’ over there?’

“That ain’t none of your business.”

Shane was still staying in Hershel Greene’s guest apartment but he wasn’t in the mood to volunteer any information, she certainly wasn’t.

Lori was getting nowhere and Shane knew she was aware of it. Finally she heaved her top heavy frame off the wooden table, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes. Maybe it made her next words easier.

“It’s a girl,” she said, walking away without a goodbye, running away from what Shane knew was finally a confession.

He refused to think about this baby, this girl, knowing it would do him no good to imagine a young woman with his features but Rick’s beliefs. Maybe in a few years he’d write her a letter, apologizing to her in case she was unlucky enough to inherit his nose. Of course he wouldn’t really. The Greene girls weren’t the only ones whose father would soon be nothing but a distant memory.

Still in his deputy’s uniform, Shane stood up, already thinking about the cold beer he’d drown the moment he got home. When he returned to his car, the interior hadn’t even had time to heat up.

*****

It was hard to believe that her dad laid upstairs in his bedroom, in what the doctors called a coma or a vegetative state - depending on their mood. Hershel had always sworn he’d wanted to die at home and after fighting her sister tooth and nail, the girls had finally agreed to move him to his bedroom, since Patricia was there to help and his insurance was willing to pay for in-home hospice visits. 

But the kitchen showed no sign that the big man was gone, it still smelled of his cigars. Gone. Beth knew it was terrible to think of him that way already, but while his body needed no assistance in breathing, he would never be the same.

“It’s about time you come down here, I gotta leave in an hour.”

Beth ignored her older sister and took her place at the kitchen table, the same chair she’d sat in since their mama had been alive, trying to ignore her sister’s tone. Maggie was nothing like Beth. Even as kids they’d been vastly different but still close. Beth had loved to follow her Daddy’s footsteps and Maggie had grown up avoiding them. It was no surprise when the other girl moved off to Atlanta, the big city, as quickly as she could.

“Are you really leaving? When he’s still like this?” Beth asked, wishing her sister could stay just a little longer. Maybe then she’d change her mind.

“I have gotta. My job won’t give me anymore time off, it’s been a month already. You heard the doctors. It could be days, weeks...months.”

Beth didn’t have a good reply so she settled for no reply. She hadn’t really expected her sister to stay and she did understand where the other woman was coming from. Maggie had a job, a husband, a life in Atlanta. It’d been unrealistic for her to stay there, counting the hours until their father’s last breath, there was nothing left to do. Even the effort that went into taking care of him had fallen to Patricia and the nurses who came to visit.

The time had come for the real point of the conversation. The one Beth had been in denial about since she’d come home from college graduation, only to have to rush her father to the hospital a few short hours later.

“We need to sell,” Maggie finally said, taking a seat across from Beth. “And I know you don’t like this topic but it needs to happen so we aren’t arguing over a fresh grave.”

Somewhere in the background, Patricia, Hershel’s oldest friend, made herself busy looking for his meds but Beth knew she was really eavesdropping. Who could blame her?

“And I say we don’t,” Beth objected. “He’s not even dead yet, Maggie.”

To someone else Maggie might’ve looked cold but Beth knew her sister. Maggie survived, it was just what she did. When their mother had died, Beth had watched Maggie pick herself up by her bootstraps and just keep going, even though they’d only been children.

“You know I don’t mean right now. I mean when it happens - and we both know it will.”

Beth refused to cry. It would only guilt Maggie into staying longer.

“I wanted to keep this farm in the family,” she admitted instead. “I was going to raise my kids here, I was going to practice with Daddy.”

“But Daddy won’t be here,” Maggie reminded her. “Come to Atlanta, stay with me, we’re the only family that’s left. There are plenty of veterinarian offices hiring there. Let someone buy this place that might actually work the land.”

Once upon a time, their father had been a true farmer. But in the last decade or so, Hershel had gotten too old to keep up with his crops. His farmhand, Otis, had died and the man’s wife, Patricia, knew little. Beth could admit the farm’s land never really intrigued her. Every time Hershel had tried to teach her anything involving a plant her eyes would glaze over and she was more likely to be found chasing ladybugs. Still, Beth loved the house and her dad‘s office and she didn‘t want anyone else to own it.

“Please, Beth,” Maggie pleaded. “You know this place is too much work for one person. And the money could help us both. Do you really want to stay here...alone?”

Truthfully, that wasn’t what Beth wanted at all. She wanted to turn back time, but that was impossible. At 24 years old, she was expected to be an adult now and an adult knew when the fight was pointless. The money would help - wherever she landed, probably Atlanta like Maggie wanted.

“Fine,” Beth answered, feeling like she’d just betrayed an entire line of Greenes. “We can put the place up for sale. After.”

They both knew what after meant.

“But in the meantime, I’m staying here. Maybe I’ll fix the place up, right?”

“Sure,” Maggied agreed, visibly relieved now that her little sister had consented. “Make Shane help you out, he’s got two good hands.”

“I was planning on telling him he has to leave.”

Beth had never really warmed to Shane Walsh, though their relationship wasn’t a particularly close one. All her life she’d heard her daddy moan and groan about the other man, some complaints justified, others just proof of his conservative upbringing. But either way, she wasn’t sure why her dad had agreed to let Shane move into the apartment above his office. And she might’ve spent the last month grieving and worrying but she hadn’t gone deaf. Beth knew all about the Rick and Lori mess. If a man would screw over his best friend, what else would he do? No, she’d been glad to let Maggie handle him since their dad had been ill, allowing her sister to give Shane the random odd jobs her father typically assigned.

“Don’t be stupid Beth,” Maggie said, being the bossy older sister she was. “He was paying Daddy rent money to stay here, you’ll need that cash to keep things going for the moment. Plus he can help you fix it up if that’s really what you want to do.”

“Then what do you suggest?” Beth asked, knowing she’d hear it anyway.

“Give him notice he’ll have to leave when daddy passes but he’s welcome to stay until then. Unless you don’t feel comfortable being her alone with him.”

“It’s fine,” Beth assured her, too tired to argue.

Beth wasn’t afraid of him, just cautious. Plus, Patricia lived there too now, not including the visitors.

There wasn’t much to say after that, the sisters had talked themselves out the last few weeks. Maggie had a drive to make and didn’t even stay for dinner, not that Beth was hungry. Their goodbyes were long but still Beth refused to cry, afraid her sister would offer to stay one more night.

*****

Shane had been on a call, mentally plotting his escape, the day he’d heard about Hershel Greene renting out empty space. The plan had been to leave town, never look back, and allow Lori and Rick to live their lives in peace. The plan had changed. The farmhouse was well known around town, even if it was quite the drive away, and Shane had spent that entire trip cursing himself for such an idiotic idea. The few times the two men had dealt with each other their exchanges had been tense, neither thinking much of the other. But somehow Hershel had agreed to rent Shane the space for a generous fee of $800 a month, utilities and cable included, so long as Shane helped him with odd jobs around the house. Shane had known it was a steal, even by King County’s standard, and before he could think twice, they’d shook on it. It wasn’t as much distance as he’d wanted to put between himself and The Grimes family, but it was better than nothing and meant he wouldn’t have to leave his job or his 401k.

Being away from everyone suited Shane just fine. The town was small, making gossip easier to get around, and other than keeping the job, Shane kept to himself. It’d never been in his nature before, but then again, neither had sleeping with his best friend’s wife.

It was 7pm when Shane turned down the dirt road to the farm. The sun was just starting to go down and the first thing he noticed was Maggie’s missing car. He’d known she was planning on leaving soon but truthfully, he’d expected to get an eviction notice first. Maybe she’d just gone to the store. With a heavy sigh, he got out of his cruiser, ready to hit the shower and wash away any feelings he had about his and Lori’s conversation. The drive had done nothing to numb him, if anything he’d only grown angrier. Angry at himself, at Lori, at Rick, at anything that walked and talked. Shane was good at anger.

One hour later, he was showered and slightly less sober, but no less frustrated. Before everything happened Shane would’ve found a woman to fuck him into exhaustion but there’d been no women since Lori. Not because she’d been so great that she’d ruined him for other women but because it’d ended so terribly. Shane had been a bachelor and proud of it, with more notches on his bedpost than he cared to admit. He’d never intended to settle down. The family life had never been something he’d wanted, until it had been. Except the family was never meant to belong to him.

Even if he wanted a piece of ass, what woman would drive so far out of town to shack up in what was pretty much a two room efficiency? Shane had a bedroom that paired as his living room with nothing but a full sized bed to sit on to watch the ancient TV that sat on a folding table, stuffed into a corner., The bare kitchen included two whole feet of counter space and the bathroom sported nothing more than a shower. Maybe it’d worked for Hershel Green when all he’d needed it for was a place to sleep without waking the family when one of his animals required extra care during the night but so far the only thing Shane had found to do to occupy his time was keep his right hand busy. 

After grabbing another cold beer, Shane left to go do the one nightly chore Hershel had given him, not caring if the screen door slammed a little too hard as he left.

He passed the main house on his way to the chicken coop, his job was to make sure they were inside before the sun went down and Shane was already late thanks to the beers he’d downed. Before the stroke, Hershel would’ve been on the front porch, rocking his life away with a sweet tea in hand. Sometimes Shane would stop for a chat, other times they’d both just nodded, not in the mood for company.

Tonight it was Beth Greene.

Shane stopped in his tracks when he saw her in her daddy’s chair, almost mistaking her for the big man upon first glance, although clearly it wasn’t. Just Beth, rocking away. He wasn’t in the mood for conversation, not even with a cute little thing, and the light from the single bulb on the porch let him see her face, a frown if there ever was one. Women had been frowning at him all day. 

But maybe the beers had hit him harder than intended because instead of walking away, what he knew Beth would’ve preferred, Shane took a few steps closer, figuring since he’d never speak to his own little girl, he could at least talk to Hershel’s.

“Your sister gone?” Shane asked, noticing the way Beth stopped rocking.

He didn’t blame her, he had a well earned reputation.

“Yeah, she left a few hours ago. Going back to Atlanta.”

He didn’t want to climb the steps and sit in the rocker next to her, but still he did it. The thing was probably older than him and had been well worn. Sometimes Shane would pass by and see Patricia sitting in it, next to Hershel, other times it was Pastor Gabriel, the man had never been short on company. But Beth on the other hand looked alone and when Shane sat down, she neither objected or welcomed him and that was good enough for him.

“How’s your daddy doing?”

“The same.”

“What’s the nurse say today?”

“Nothing yet. She’s in there right now changing his drainage bag.”

Beth was short with her words, not that Shane cared. The conversation made him cringe, he didn’t much like thinking about catheters and bed sores and he still wasn’t even sure why he’d sat down. Beth was a sweet girl, everyone in town knew it and talked about her sunny smile and bright blue eyes but he’d never experienced them for himself. Shane was positive Beth probably took after her father and didn’t much like him, she was yet to even glance his way. Then again, the girl’s dad had just suffered a massive stroke so it probably wasn’t helping matters.

“We’ve decided to sell the place,” she finally said, still staring out at the fields. “After he dies.”

Shane took another large gulp of his Miller and waited on what he’d known was coming.

“You should probably start thinking about other arrangements but you don’t have to leave yet. Just so you know...have a head’s up or whatever.”

“Right.”

Knowing it was coming didn’t make it any easier to hear and before he could stop himself, his large hand came up to rub over the back of his head - an old tic that refused to die.

“Maggie’s idea was to have you help me fix the place up while you’re still here, if that’s okay,” she went on, her voice softening.

His first instinct was to say no, it was that kind of night. It seemed like everyone in the world just felt let dropping bad news in his lap and Shane wasn’t in the mood for another helping.

But Beth had finally managed to glance his way, actually looking him in the eye as if to say she was somewhat sorry. Beth might not lose any sleep over his future homelessness but at least she seemed to recognize the harm her words had caused and that was more than most people had done for him lately, other than her father. And the people in town were right, she did have soft blue eyes.

“Sure,” Shane grunted, finishing the beer.

“And don’t worry about the chickens, I checked on them when Maggie left. Meet me in the morning and we’ll discuss what needs to be done.”

Before Shane could respond, the girl was gone, back inside where she belonged. He’d always heard Maggie was the bossy one, the one to watch out for, but Shane was starting to wonder if people didn’t give the youngest daughter enough credit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I'm updating with this chapter pretty quickly just to get things rolling. After this, I'll update every five days on a regular schedule. Thanks again for reading!
> 
> I edited this with a headache so my apologies if it isn't perfect. Sorry!

A lot of care went into having a hospice patient in the home and everyone had made sure none of it fell on Beth’s shoulders. Patricia kept repeating the same thing over and over - that her father wouldn’t have wanted his daughter’s last memory of him to be of bed sores or sponge baths. Eventually Beth had stopped pestering to help unless they truly needed it. The nurses saw to Hershel’s more in depth needs, constantly visiting, but it was Patricia who checked every few hours, even if just to moisten Hershel’s mouth with a wet towelette or read him one of his favorite passages from the bible.

The sun rose early on the next day, just as hot, twice as humid, and Beth was pleasantly surprised to find her favorite of her father’s nurses with him. Denise Cloyd was younger than the rest, but twice as funny, and she seemed to genuinely enjoy checking in on Hershel.

“How is he?” Beth asked the moment she stepped into her daddy’s room, as shocked as ever by his pale skin and closed eyes.

“Same as yesterday. No fever though, that’s always good.”

By the looks of things, Denise had just changed Hershel’s feeding tube - a job that made Beth squeamish even though she’d cut into animals and sewn them back together. Maybe because this time it was her father. Patricia had clearly been right.

Beth simply nodded and gave her father a kiss on the cheek, whispering a good morning in the man’s ear. It was too early for chit chat, even with Denise, and when the other woman started packing up her supplies, Beth helped despite her exhaustion. Sleep was a rare treat anymore.

“Just watch for any signs of infection, but you know that already. And make sure there’s no leaks, that’s the most common problem, okay?”

“Absolutely.”

With one last look towards her frail dad, Beth walked Denise downstairs, showing her out. They stopped in the doorway and exchanged a few more words, all tips and tricks about her father’s care and wishing each other a good day. The entire time Beth’s eyes stayed trained on the man coming towards them. Shane Walsh was up just as early as her, his thick dark hair a bit of an unruly mess, but at least he was there. Beth had possessed a few doubts, though she knew that wasn’t fair.

“Well, have a good morning and like always...call me if you have any questions. Not the clinic, but me personally,” Denise said, giving Beth a nod.

Denise left just as Shane came in. The birds were chirping, happy to see the sun rise again but the same couldn’t be said for two people that were now face to face, tired before they even started.

“You got some coffee by any chance?” Shane asked, not bothering with a good morning, not that Beth wanted one.

“Sure.”

She led him into the kitchen, assuming he’d just follow and he did. It had occurred to Beth that maybe he’d have work but whatever was on Shane’s schedule he’d cleared it for her. Remembering that, Beth tried to be a bit nicer.

“How do you take it?” She asked, starting the pot.

“However I can get it.”

Beth cheeks flushed, knowing that statement was probably true for more than just how Shane liked his coffee but it was neither the time nor the place to imagine his strong arms wrapping around a woman’s waist. Like maybe his best friend’s wife’s waist. That thought alone was enough to turn her attention to the job at hand.

“Sorry,” he added, reading her mind

Beth ignored the statement and the apology.

“I made a list last night,” she said instead while they waited for the liquid energy to brew. “Just small things that need to be done first. A few holes to patch, a toilet that doesn’t flush right, outlets needing replaced, leaky faucets, doors that don’t lock, windows that are stuck. We can stick to the main house first. I figure we can do the big projects last.”

“We?” He asked.

“We, yes. Is that a problem?”

“No. But the big projects will help you sell faster,” Shane added and Beth shrugged that off too.

“We’ll get there. But a leaking pipe causes more damage in the long run than old wallpaper.”

Beth watched his face turn down into a frown, expecting an objection but instead he just nodded in agreement. She considered that her first win. Truthfully she had no idea how to read Shane Walsh, there wasn’t a person she’d never seen him sass so she refused to be bothered by any smartass remarks that came her way. There was enough on her plate, none of which she was particularly happy about, and Beth wasn’t looking for anymore problems.

They worked silently, but hard. Shane knew where Hershel kept all of his tools and they both decided to tackle the problems that didn’t require a run to the store first. What she didn’t know, he would show her, but once he left her to it, spreading spackle and sanding it down, Shane kept to himself. Beth hadn’t expected a man with such a reputation to stay so quiet, other than the few grunts when rusty bolts and screws managed to give him trouble.

The house stayed busy but Beth tuned most of the company out. Patricia went about her daily schedule, a few neighbors stopped by to see if there was any change in Hershel’s condition and Beth refused to stop. At noon it was almost 100 degrees outside and it felt hotter inside. They took a break long enough for a quick BLT sandwich, eaten while standing up, and Beth knew her ponytail probably had more hair out of the tie than in. Shane was just as sweaty, his black tee clinging to his muscles in places Beth couldn’t help but notice, nor could she help but notice how the few times he leaned in to comment on her work that he managed to still smell like soap, despite the moisture pouring from brow. When he walked away, she made a mental note to spray herself down in some body mist tomorrow. She’d keep up with Shane Walsh if it killed her.

At 9PM they finally decided to call it a night after sanding down the last patch in the walls. Beth was filthy, sticky, and when Shane took his exit he wished her a good evening and told her he’d see her in the morning. She watched him leave with that familiar swagger - a sign of the man he used to be, according to gossip.

Dinner was a cold bowl of Raisin Bran, followed by a stop in her dad’s room. The hard work might’ve left her thin frame sore but Beth realized she’d been thankful for the distraction.

“Sweetie, why don’t you take a shower and go lay down?” Patricia asked when Beth came in, plopping in a chair by her daddy’s bed.

His room was the only one in the house with a window unit, installed after the stroke, and Beth had needed the cool air just as much as the visit.

Of course there was no change throughout the day, there was never a change.

“I will,” Beth promised.

“I was reading to him,” Patricia went on as Beth settled herself. “Not entirely sure he’d like my pick of romance novels but I’m tired of the Bible.”

Somehow Beth found the energy to smile.

“I’m sure he’d love it.”

It was silent for a moment and Beth took the chance to stare at Patricia, wondering how the family had gotten so lucky to have such a close friend. The woman had been around since she’d been little, even before their mother had died. Patricia was kind and patient, and she knew just as much about the ins and outs of their farm as Beth did.

“Thank you, by the way,” Beth finally said. “I feel like me and Maggie haven’t said that enough since you’ve been taking care of Daddy.”

“You know you don’t have to thank me, I’m glad to do it.”

“You gonna be okay if we sell?”

“I’ll manage. You don’t get to be my age and not know how to take care of yourself.”

With those words Beth couldn’t help but notice the age showing on Patricia’s face, wrinkles she’d never taken note of before. The woman was getting on in her years too. It did nothing but support Maggie’s theory - if Beth stayed she’d be very much alone. The farm was shriveling up, as were its residents and Beth doubted she’d enjoy it if there was no one to share it with. Maybe she was doing the right thing.

“We’ll make sure you’re taken care of,” Beth promised.

“I know.”

Beth was about to finally peel her body off the chair when Patricia spoke again, a topic Beth didn’t expect.

“I could’ve made you and Shane some dinner, I don’t mind. Keeps my mind busy. You can’t work a young man all day and not give him a warm meal.”

That time Beth actually managed to laugh. Shane Walsh had almost twenty years on her and while he wasn’t an old man, he certainly wasn’t a young one - even if he did work like a bull. The few times he’d acknowledged her during their labor it’d been girl this, girl that.

“And what? Talk to myself? He’s not much for words.”

“Oh, he is,” Patricia promised. “I’ve heard that man talk so much shit he’d make the damn devil blush.”

Beth’s head snapped in the other woman’s direction, shocked to hear a curse on her lips. Clearly, she’d worked herself into delirium.

The shower afterwards didn’t do much to help, either. By the time Beth crashed into her bed that night, for once, her brain was empty of all the worries that had been crowding in when the sun had risen that morning. Sleep came easy, even if the moment Beth shut her eyes she could still hear the sounds of Shane’s heavy boots walking around her daddy’s house long after he’d left, the man’s presence stuck in her head like a bad country song.

*******

Day three of their working together rolled around and Shane had never woken up so sore. The girl was going to kill him. Deputies in King County had a habit of getting a gut from beer and doughnuts but Shane had always made sure to stay in good shape, great shape, actually. But working from sun up to sun down took a toll on just about anyone. Except maybe Beth. Maybe it was because she was so young but Shane was struggling to keep up with her. She worked him harder than her daddy ever had, even when her sweaty hair was sticking up in every direction. He refused to take a break just because he was too damn stubborn. Always had been.

They’d found a rhythm over the last two days, one that suited Shane just fine. Beth was quiet as she worked, asking for the occasional bit of help but she was a fast learner and truthfully, Shane knew he was a good teacher. Sometimes a snide comment or inappropriate word slipped out but Beth seemed to shrug it off. He wasn’t sure if it was because she was truly unmoved by his rough edges or if she was too nice to express her own discomfort and if he had to bet, he’d say it was a mixture of the two.

The third day was just as unforgiving as the first two.

Shane showed up bright and early just as Denise was leaving, just like always, and Beth was wearing her tiny cut off shorts and tank top, just like always. Sometimes he felt bad for noticing her young, pale thighs but yet, he still looked. That morning was no different.

The work wasn’t much different either, at least not at first. He sweated, he cursed, his balls stuck to his thigh from the humidity. When Beth asked about a sandwich, their official go-to meal, Shane was glad to get out from under the bathroom sink, even though it took more effort than he cared to admit.

“So, we’re almost done with the little things we can do for now,” Beth said, still chewing a large bite of the ham and cheese.

She’d made the sandwiches while he’d poured the tea, both of them moving around the kitchen quietly until there was something to say.

“Until you get to the hardware store,” Shane added, downing his glass and letting out a burp.

Beth shot him a face that was half disgust, half amusement, and Shane just shrugged. It was the closest they’d come to a joke, a fact that wasn’t lost on him.

“Yeah, I figured we could go today.”

“We?”

“Yeah, we. Is that a problem?” She asked, repeating one of the very first things she’d ever said to him when they’d first set out.

Shane hated going into town and typically avoided it, other than work. Sitting in a cruiser and writing tickets or taking the occasional call was a lot different than strolling through the streets and hearing the bullshit. People didn’t fuck with him in uniform and he didn’t fuck with them while he was in uniform, his job wasn’t worth it. After hours it was a free for all. The last few days his hands had stayed busy, forcing his mind to fall in line, and the last thing he needed was a reminder of everything he was trying to forget.

“I could use your help,” Beth continued when Shane just stared at her, his silence speaking for him.

He respected the girl. She had a work ethic her daddy would’ve been proud of, though Shane was positive Hershel Greene was the type of man that had already told her that. And never again would he say it or help her at a hardware store.

“Yes ma’am,” Shane finally agreed, giving her a nod.

Beth didn’t seem impressed by his enthusiasm but she didn’t look bothered either. It was what it was.

They took Hershel’s old Ford pick up truck and Shane immediately regretted the decision. The thing had no AC and opening a window just felt like opening the door to Hell, even going 60 down the highway. Or more like 70. Beth was in the driver’s seat and Shane had never imagined someone so small could have such a giant lead foot.

“You’re gonna get pulled over,” he warned, just for the sake of throwing some words out there.

“Can’t write me a ticket, I’ve got a cop with me.”

Shane caught her smiling at him, another first. It was enough for him to throw a grin back at her.

“Fair enough.”

“Why? Does my driving make you nervous?”

“No,” he answered - the truth.

Shane could spot a country girl almost as easily as he could spot an easy lay. Beth had grown up on a farm and he was sure she’d been driving since before it’d been legal. She might’ve been young but he trusted her behind the wheel, enough so that his darted back to her slim thighs, no doubt stuck to the scorching vinyl interior like glue, before he felt himself doze off.

His eyes didn’t open again until she’d parked and the moment she called him out on his nap, Shane shook his head and claimed he’d just been resting his eyes.

Once inside, Shane followed her lead. He grabbed the buggy and trailed behind Beth, fully expecting to be driven insane. Rick had always complained about shopping with the old lady but then again, Beth wasn’t Shane’s old lady and they weren’t in a Payless but the hardware store - a place far more interesting. Shane grabbed the nuts and bolts and whatever odds and ends he knew they needed, but mainly stuck to Beth’s list. If she struggled to figure something out, Shane would throw in his two cents, but only then. He’d tell her what product was worth her money, where they could cut corners and to his surprise she didn’t really get stuck until they started picking out new faucets for the kitchen and bathrooms. Every last one leaked and eventually, Shane had talked her into replacing them, knowing a new buyer would appreciate the effort.

“I can’t decide,” Beth finally said, admitting the obvious.

“Really? I had no idea.”

They’d been standing there for the last five minutes and had only spent fifteen inside. Shane wasn’t really upset though, the AC was a godsend and his shirt had been so soaked with sweat, he actually had a bit of a chill.

“I really like these two.”

She’d ignored his snip and pointed at her favorites.

Shane sighed and finally abandoned the cart, coming to stand next to her. The two she had her eye on were exactly the same - bridge style with cross handles, perfect little additions to a country home.

“I like the bronze. And the porcelain.”

“Which one you like more?” He asked.

“I don’t know, I like them both.”

“Well, does it really matter? It’s not like you’re gonna be living there anyway.”

“No shit,” she snipped and for the first time Shane noticed the bitterness in her voice.

He said nothing else for a beat, waiting on her to decide. When she just continued to stand there, Shane finally decided to hurry things along. Maybe she wasn’t in the mood for thinking about the new owners, anyway.

“Porcelain will stain, you’re on well water. It’s also more likely to crack. The bronze is probably better.”

“I do like it more. But-”

“It doesn’t match anything else in your kitchen,” Shane finished for her.

He felt her glance over at him, an impressed look of surprise on her face.

“Yes, exactly.”

The decision was at a standstill until finally she spoke again.

“I was thinking we could restain the cabinets. Something darker, more modern, but still country, ya know? The cabinets have good bones but they’re horribly outdated. New handles too.”

Shane had never been one to give a shit what his cabinets looked like, so long as they were full of food, but she had good taste and he couldn’t object. The vision was now in his head too and soon he knew she’d be wanting paint colors. Part of him wanted to ask if she thought they had time for something like that, but if Beth was struggling with coming to grips with selling her childhood home he wasn’t dumb enough to remind her about losing her dad too.

“We can do that, yeah.”

“Good.”

With a grin, she grabbed their faucet, and they headed to the checkout. Shane was positive they’d broken some sort of record, getting in and out of a store with a woman in less than thirty minutes.

It should’ve been thirty minutes anyway. They got to the register and as soon as Shane saw the person working it, he took a step back from Beth, hoping no one noticed he was there. Nothing ever went unnoticed in King County.

“Didn’t know you were still staying at the Greene Farm,” Merle Dixon commented, glaring at Shane while he handled Beth’s merchandise with as little care as possible, but putting two and two together - probably the only math Merle was capable of.

“Didn’t know Dixons had jobs,” Shane shot back, getting in a dig of his own.

Shane knew the other man was five seconds away from telling the great story about Shane ducking out of town with his tail between his legs and he wasn’t in the mood. He was never in the mood. Five seconds ago he’d been decorating a kitchen and the last thing he wanted was a reminder of how he’d fucked up, especially from the likes of Merle Dixon. The entire family was a pile of shit in Shane’s opinion, minus a few, but the rare good seed never got a chance to succeed thanks to all the rotten apples bringing down the family tree. Shane didn’t judge people by the success but it was hard not to judge the whole lot when he spent every Friday night at their trailer, slapping one in handcuffs.

“I heard your girlfriend's leaving town,” Merle added, taking his sweet time with a line forming.

“She ain’t my girlfriend, never was my girlfriend, nor do I want her to be.”

“Really didn’t look that way when you were parading them around town like they were your family and your best friend was half-dead at Memorial. Say, ain’t she about to pop out your crotch fruit? Speaking of fruit, I always figured if you’d fuck a Grimes it’d be Rick.”

Shane’s blood was beginning to boil. He hated knowing he’d sank to a level so low that even Merle could throw shit at him, especially in front of an audience. Being humble had never been Shane’s strong suit but he was learning. With a glance towards Beth, he decided to hurry things along.

“Merle, just shut your meth-mouth and ring the girl up.”

The moment the words left his lips, Merle dropped what he was doing and stood still with a smirk that made Shane itch for a fight.

“Actually, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

That time it was Beth that snapped and Shane took a step forward, knowing shit was about to hit the fan.

“Well see, your Daddy still has an open tab here. And seein’ as how I know he won’t be payin’ anytime soon, I can’t sell anything else.”

Shane knew this was his fault and he also knew it was bullshit.

“Does she look her daddy to you?” Shane asked, immediately regretting it when Merle’s tiny eyes flashed over Beth’s figure, a sickening smile painting his face.

“She sure don’t.”

Shane took another step closer to Beth, seeing red.

“Merle, sell her the shit.”

“Sorry, I can’t. It’s the rules. We don’t make ‘em so you can break ‘em.”

“Whatever, just tell me how much and I’ll pay it,” Beth added but Shane immediately touched her arm, putting a gentle stop to her reaching for the wallet that he knew was always in her back pocket, stuffed in tight with her cellphone.

“No, you won’t,” Shane told her. “Good ‘ole Merle is going to open a new tab, just for you. You won’t pay a dime today, ain’t that right Merle? If not, I might just tell someone about the summer of 99.”

It was with great pleasure that Shane watched Merle’s face immediately turn dark, his fingers suddenly punching buttons to finish the transaction. Before the lookie-loos could even scratch their heads in confusion, Merle was handing Beth a receipt, then her bags.

“Now apologize to the lady,” Shane demanded.

Merle whimpered out a pitiful apology but his eyes never left Shane’s. Beth and Shane almost had one foot out the door when the man spoke again.

“It was good seein’ you around, Walsh. When I can expect your company again? Or do I need to tune into Maury to get a good look?”

Shane bit back a reply but it turned out he didn’t need to, Beth had him covered.

“Better Maury than Jerry Springer,” she added.

When she tossed him the keys, Shane eagerly accepted. They might have won the battle, but not the war. Beth’s dad was still going to die, as Merle had rudely reminded her, and Shane was still a piece of a shit. Shane found a small amount of relief in getting to use his own leadfoot. Beth reminded him that he was going to get pulled over and Shane reminded her that he was a cop, the same song and dance but the smiles weren’t quite the same. Beth’s didn’t quite reach her eyes and Shane felt responsible.

“So what happened in the summer of 1999?”

She asked the question once they were halfway to the farm, finally breaking the silence that had fallen. Shane was happy for the interruption. He checked his rear view, got comfortable in his seat, letting the story out.

“Me and Rick caught him getting pounded in the ass by some guy behind his trailer. The guy was balls deep and Merle was moanin’ like a bitch in heat.”

He looked over to see her eyes wide in surprise and immediately apologized for his language.

“No, it’s not that,” she said, starting to laugh. “It’s just...not what I expected.”

“Imagine our surprise.”

“But I mean, what’s the big deal? If he wants to get fucked by a dude, who cares?”

Shane noticed her use of the f-bomb but continued, seeing just how far he could push her before she got uncomfortable. She never did.

“Now, to people like me and you, it’s not a big deal. You wanna get screwed by a guy with a monster cock? Great. You wanna get on all four in the trailer park like a little bitch? Cool, it ain’t hurting anybody, ‘cept maybe your knees. But to pieces of white trash like the Dixons it’s probably the worst thing you could do. Merle’s a homophobic, who comes from a long, long, long line of homophobics. I like to keep that little card in my back pocket, it prevents a lot of fights.”

“Well, you played it well back there.”

Shane appreciated her approval but there was no denying it was just another reminder of the words that had been exchanged. The antidote was funny but it wasn’t quite enough to remove the sting from either of their burns. Thirty minutes later, they were back at the farm, the silence heavy, other than an occasional giggle from the passenger seat as Beth remembered what Shane had just told her.

Once back to work, they fell into their normal routine, like none of it had ever happened. Shane wasn’t sure if it was because Beth had been bothered or if it was because he had been, or maybe they just liked to work that way. The only thing he was sure of was that when they finally packed things up at midnight, his swagger was gone, replaced by a slow pace, one he couldn’t hide from the two women he wished a good evening. The next day he had to work, but they made plans to pick up again when he got off.


	3. Chapter 3

“You guys are getting quite a bit done,” Denise said, walking around the kitchen with Beth and noticing the small changes and the big mess.

It was bright and early, and after the last two mornings of Beth drinking her coffee alone, with Shane at work, she’d settled for inviting Denise instead. They sat down at the table, along with Patricia, the three ladies discussing Beth’s accomplishments over a warm cup of joe.

“Did I tell you about the cabinets?” Beth asked.

“Yes,” the other two women replied in unison.

Beth just shrugged, knowing she’d talked of little else, but she was excited about their projects and figured it was a better topic of conversation than anything else happening in her life. Shane had been at work for the last two days. Two days on, three days off, three days on, two days off - Beth had been forced to learn a deputy’s schedule. He’d also forced his phone number on her, with some fake huffing and puffing thrown in for effect, after coming home after his first day back and realizing Beth had grinded to halt without him. She’d had questions, he’d had answers, and now whenever she couldn’t do something he was only a few rings away. He’d swear she wasn’t bothering him whenever he answered and Beth attempted to make her inquiries short, though sometimes he’d stay on the line long enough to talk her through whatever it was.

At night, they were back at it together. He’d leave way too late for a man that had to wake up at 5am but Beth didn’t have it in her to quit earlier, she wanted the job done and after an entire day spent doing it alone, it was nice to hear his feedback. Shane always had plenty.

“Speaking of these cabinets, what do you think about a dinner this Sunday?” Patricia asked Beth, finishing her drink. “Before the two of you come and change everything, we give the kitchen one last hoorah?”

“I guess,” Beth agreed, not sure if she liked the sound of a last hoorah very much. It reminded her too much of her dad who laid upstairs.

“We can ask pastor Gabriel to stay, he always comes on Sunday afternoons. Denise, of course you’re invited too.”

“I’d love to but I actually have plans. I mean... unless I can bring a friend.”

“Of course you can bring a friend, honey,” Patricia told her.

Beth turned towards Denise, never missing a beat, not even the hesitance that had been in Denise’s voice.

“Who’s the friend?” Beth asked, eyeing the other girl suspiciously.

It took Denise a second to answer, her eyes looking anywhere but at them.

“My girlfriend? Her name is Tara.”

Beth and Patricia exchanged glances, both of them smiling at their friend.

“Sweetie pie, no one cares if you like girls,” Patricia spoke. “Hell, sometimes I wish I had. Men are more trouble than worth.”

The humor wasn’t lost and after they shared an understanding smile, Patricia went on.

“Please, bring your girlfriend. Maybe I’ll invite my grandbabies too. The more the merrier. Well, unless you’re a Republican then you’re uninvited.”

“No, not a Republican,” Denise added, some of her apprehension beginning to fade as she realized she was getting a warm reception. “Just a lesbian. I just wasn’t sure, ya know...Hershel always seemed like a conservative man, and this is the south. I guess I should’ve known better considering he invited Shane Walsh to live with him.”

Beth nodded in agreement, still shocked herself that Hershel had agreed to letting Shane stay there. Her dad had never been a bigot but he’d had little patience for womanizers. She’d always assumed it was because he was raising two girls.

“You’d be surprised,” Patricia said, getting up to pour another cup of coffee. “I think he saw a bit of himself in the man.”

The comment didn’t go unnoticed by Beth but she had no time to say anything, Patricia was forging ahead with her dinner plans.

“Speaking of which, make sure you tell him to come around on Sunday,” the older woman said. “We’ve been working him like a mule. Well, you have at least. I don’t think I’ve seen him walk right in a week.”

Beth’s confusion about Patricia’s previous statement was now replaced with a twinge of guilt at her last. There was nothing in it for him, not even big dollar signs when the farm finally sold, if anything it was exactly the opposite. And yet, he came everyday without kicking up a single fuss. And Patricia was right, the poor guy had been walking like a man twice his age.

She ignored the instinct that said he wouldn’t want to come and agreed with Patricia. Yes, she’d make sure he was invited, it was the least they could do.

Food was planned, a grocery list was made, and by the time Denise left she actually had to check on Hershel one more time, staying all the way until her afternoon visit. Once it was all said and done, Beth didn’t feel quite as uneasy about the whole thing. It would feel good to have company over, even if it was a small goodbye she wasn’t quite ready for, and who knew, maybe the good vibes would be good for her dad.

After a few hours of cleaning and paying Hershel a visit, Beth left the farm with her eyes on the hardware store. They were running out of WD-40 and a few other things, objects Beth wanted for when Shane got home so they could get straight to business. She considered calling ahead and asking that he pick it up instead of wasting the gas and time but ultimately decided he could probably use a break from her pestering him.

Her visit this time around was much different. Merle Dixon was nowhere to be found so Beth took her time getting what she needed and a few things she didn’t. Every part of her body was dying to start picking out paint colors for every room, but she held off, settling on new light fixtures instead. After spending far too much time in the aisles, Beth finally got a move on it, her leadfoot determined to beat Shane home.

It wasn’t even 15 minutes later that she parked on the side of the road, her tire flat, and her skin already starting to burn. Twenty minutes later, she still hadn’t managed to get the old tire off and the new tire on and Beth was cursing enough to justify a lightning bolt coming down and striking her. Hershel had taught his girls to change tires and he’d always kept a spare and jack in the truck, but none of that changed that the lug nuts were stuck like glue and no amount of elbow grease was getting them to budge.

When no one drove by and offered their assistance after ten more tries, Beth kicked the tire and cursed herself for pulling the phone out or her back pocket. He was probably on his home anyway. She hated calling him again but at the same time, her skin was turning a lobster-style shade of red and being parked on just the edge of town meant he’d probably be the first person to drive by anyway.

It took less than three rings for him to answer.

“What, no tickets to write today?” She asked the moment he answered, surprised at how quickly he’d picked up.

They’d moved past formal hellos.

“What, break something while I was gone?”

“Just the truck. Actually, I didn’t break it, the giant nail in the road did. I’ve got a flat.”

“I’m comin’.”

“You don’t have to rush,” Beth told him, giving the lug wrench one last effort, wishing it’d turn.

“See you in a minute.”

She was about to object, to tell him to take his time and apologize if she’d interrupted anything but by the time she stood and looked up, his cruiser was already pulling behind the truck. The guilt faded as her smile grew.

“Nice. You could’ve said you were already here,” Beth told him the moment Shane stepped out, still in his uniform.

“What and miss that look on your face?”

“I felt bad for calling you again.”

Shane just shrugged, already assessing the situation.

“Trust me when I say that I’ve had plenty worse reasons for people to call me.”

Beth had no trouble believing him and let the topic go.

“So what’s up?”

“The lugs are stuck,” Beth admitted.

“You sure?”

It took every amount of self control for Beth not to kick the tire again when this time, Shane took a try instead, spinning the wrench with ease.

“That’s unfair,” she settled for saying instead. “Now I just feel pathetic.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her with a grin. “Why don’t you go sit in my car while I do this? Cool off. You look like a lobster.”

“Thanks, I had no idea,” she replied, but Beth knew he was just giving her a hard time. Especially judging by the grin he flashed as he tossed his keys.

Maybe it was the cold air blasting her in the face, sweet relief found in the driver’s seat of his cruiser, but Beth felt highly aware of every movement Shane made as she watched him through the window. Or perhaps it was also that twinge of guilt. His uniform khakis had grass stains, his brown hair was closer to black when it was soaked in perspiration, and his strong hands were covered in dirt. Beth watched him mumble a few words to himself, no doubt the same variety of curses she’d used, as he tightened the new tire back on.

It took him less time to change her tire than it had taken Beth to realize she couldn’t.

“Thanks,” she told him when he was finished, coming back out to help him throw the old tire and jack in the bed of the truck.

“Not a problem, I was coming home anyway.”

Beth nodded and in that beat of silence when neither of them made a move to walk away, Beth remembered Patricia’s words from before, figuring it didn’t hurt to ask.

“You wanna grab something to eat?” She asked, surprising herself.

She’d meant to invite him to Sunday dinner, but the words were out, and he didn’t immediately object.

“Like in town?” He asked, his face giving way his feelings about spending time in town, not that she needed reminding.

“Yeah, why not?”

She searched his face and could see a thousand reasons why not but to her surprise, he simply nodded.

“You know what? Fine. But I pick the place.”

*****

At some point between Beth asking and Shane answering, he’d decided to just say fuck it and cave into her request. What didn’t kill him could only make him wish he was dead and he highly doubted anything anyone could say to him would be that extreme. He’d been craving a big, fat, greasy burger and he knew just the one, his cruiser leading the way while Beth followed him back through the streets he’d just left. Months had gone by without Shane stepping into the place but now was as good a time as any, especially when sitting down in the AC was involved.

Greasy Abe’s sat in the back of an old plaza, a glorified bar that served the best burgers and coldest beer in town. It had been his old stomping grounds before shit had gone down, his typical stop when Rick wasn’t in tow. Lori didn’t approve of drinking and she especially didn’t approve of drinking around loose women. For the first time in his life Shane had no interest in the women, just the food and the beer.

“You sure about this?” Shane asked.

They’d both parked in two spots in the rear, side by side, and Shane was busy ditching his gun belt and uniform shirt before going in. It wasn’t a secret that he was a cop but the uniform was a reminder he didn’t want. If two good old country boys started fighting Shane didn’t want people expecting him to do something. He just wanted to relax, if such a thing was possible.

“Sure about... eating? Believe it or not I’ve done it before,” Beth answered, proving once again she was just as much a smartass as him.

“That ain’t what I mean. You walk in there with me, people will talk. Hell, they’ll talk if I go in there alone but they’re gonna talk more if I’m not.”

“And?”

“And do you not remember that run in with Merle? It’s just the beginning.”

“I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

Shane glanced over her, from head to toe and back up again, failing to see the big part. He was positive a girl her size would crush under his weight, not that he’d considered it.

They were still standing in the parking lot, Shane had just shut his gun in the trunk and locked it, neither making a move to walk in yet.

“Suit yourself,” he told her. “But when you start hearing whispers around that I’m...defiling you or some shit, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

“Defiled?” Beth asked, fighting a laugh.

“Yeah it means-”

“Oh, I know what it means. I just didn’t realize people still said it. What? Are you worried my daddy won’t be able to trade me for a cow when my good reputation has been sullied?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Shane, I spent the last four years at UGA, you really don’t think I can handle some gossip? Or better yet, some _defiling_? I’ll have you know I was defiled many times over before you came along and anyone in there that thinks otherwise is an idiot.”

Shane’s mind was about to do that thing again, where it went to places it shouldn’t but Beth was already walking away, ignoring his next question.

“Wait...what do you mean _many_ times?”

She never even answered, not even when Shane managed to catch up and repeat himself.

The inside of Abe’s was lively and but thanks to Beth’s comment, Shane was capable of ignoring the fact that every pair of eyes tracked the two of them move towards a booth at the back. It was the usual crowd with a lot of familiar faces sitting at the bar, a few drunk rednecks on the dance floor, and a bunch of bikers playing pool. He heard a few people holler his name but he was too busy sliding his aching body across from Beth’s where a girl had already appeared with a tray.

“You still drinking Miller?” The young girl asked.

Shane faintly remembered her name, Rosita, and to a lesser degree, remembered rolling her around in the sheets a time or two. Neither of which he felt like remembering. Instead he just gave a simple nod.

“And you?”

“Beck’s if you have it,” Beth answered. “If not Miller will do.”

“You guys eating?”

Shane ordered himself the biggest cheeseburger they served, one with everything on it minus the mayo and Beth requested the same thing. By the time Rosita strutted away, Shane was still staring at Beth, a hand rubbing through his hair.

“What?” She asked.

“Beck’s? Really?”

“What’s wrong with Beck’s?”

“I unno, sounds like some college girl drink. A college girl that likes to get defiled.”

By that point Shane was just giving her shit to distract himself from the watchful eyes and Beth didn’t appear to mind. Her arms were crossed over her chest but there was no denying the smirk on her face.

“You’re really hung up on that, huh?”

“It doesn’t exactly match the description of you I’ve heard,” Shane admitted, cutting past the bullshit.

“Well, your fixation on it certainly matches your description.”

When Rosita brought their drinks Shane was laughing. The beer was cold and when Beth offered a taste of hers, Shane took a careful sip, pretended it was terrible but made a mental note to order one for the next round.

“So what have you heard?” Beth asked. “My description?”

“Just stuff your dad told me. Maggie too.”

“Such as?”

“Such as you were going to school to be a vet, like him. And you loved your farm. And you were a Daddy’s girl.”

Beth shrugged, taking a long draw off her bottle.

“Sounds about right. I am a Daddy’s girl, I was going to practice with him, and I do love the farm.”

“Then why sell it?”

“It’s not that easy.”

Both of their beers were halfway gone and Shane was relaxing quickly. His body had been begging for the break and the alcohol. There was nothing better than some social lubricant to get a conversation started and God knew they’d spent enough time alone together in practical silence. Suddenly Shane could say all the things aloud that had been stuck in his head and the words flowed easily between them.

“Sure it is. You like the farm? Keep it.”

“But Maggie wants to sell.”

“She your mama?”

“No, but she does get half of everything. So...half the vote.”

Shane finished his beer and leaned in close, just in time for the waitress to bring their food. The only reason either of them noticed was so Shane could order two more Beck’s, and to keep them coming.

“You really think that sister of yours would say no if you put your foot down? Neither of you strike me as the type to give a shit about the money.”

“No, she wouldn’t. But she has some good points.”

“Such as?”

“It’s too much for one person. All that land? What do I need all those acres for? I don’t even want it.”

“Sell the land, keep the house. Wham bam, problem solved.”

Shane watch Beth’s eyes grow wide, laughter escaping her lips. He wasn’t the only one feeling their drinks. Her cheeks were flushed even more than when she’d been out in the sun and her snarky replies were gone, as were his.

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is.”

The food was calling their name and Beth let the topic drop, not that it mattered. The seed had been planted. Conversation slowed a little as they ate, both of their bodies craving anything that wasn’t lunch meat shoved between two slices of bread. Beers continued to be delivered and they continued to drink, until finally the plates were empty and their stomachs full.

“You know, you never asked me about what I’ve heard about you,” Beth told him once they’d finished.

“I don’t need to, I have a pretty good idea.”

Shane knew Beth had drank too much when she dropped her doozy of a question, he also knew he had too when he answered instead of getting angry.

“You slept with Rick’s wife?”

“I did.”

He didn’t answer with pride or with shame, just matter-of-fact, the same way she’d asked.

“And she’s pregnant?”

“She is. And before you ask, yes, it’s mine.”

“I’m sorry,” Beth apologized, leaning back. “We don’t have to talk about it, I’m sure you don’t want to.”

Shane wanted to do anything but talk about it but he knew Beth was curious. He also knew he’d been giving her enough hell that it was only fair to answer. The booze simply helped the situation. So did the company.

“It’s fine. You wanna ask. Shoot.”

“Did you love her?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, startin’ out easy I see?”

The conversation had turned serious and they both leaned in closer, instinctively, fitting to the topic at hand.

“I didn’t fall in love with my best friend’s wife.” The words stumbled out, words Shane had never really said to anyone. “I fell in love with his life.”

It was a confession if there’d ever been one and the cold Beck’s made it easy.

A part of Shane wanted to continue on and explain himself better but Beth seemed to pick up on what he was laying down easily.

“I thought men like you...men who’d been defiled many, many, many times didn’t want the family life,” she told him, never once breaking eye contact. Her joke wasn’t lost on either of them but there were more important things to discuss.

“So did I. What can I say? Surprise.”

The silence that fell after wasn’t awkward, anything but. Shane hadn’t managed to admit that truth to anyone, not even Rick or Lori, but it felt good to have it off his chest. So much so that when Beth called his attention to their audience, for once, Shane actually hadn’t noticed. The only eyes he’d been aware of starting at him were hers.

“You realize there’s like fifty people that keep shooting us the stink-eye right now?”

“I warned you.”

“Why do you care so much anyway? You don’t seem like the type.”

Shane sighed, emptying a beer he knew would be his last. They were already tipsy and needed to drive home.

“It ain’t them so much as it’s me. People talk shit in small towns, it’s what small towns are for. But it’s the first time they’ve ever talked shit about me that I agreed with. Eating your first slice of humble pie at 40 years old stings like a bitch.”

“Damn, you’re old,” Beth added, quick as ever.

Shane knew it was a joke and he appreciated the effort.

“You know what we could really do to fuck with ‘em?” She asked, her eyes shifting towards the crowd.

“What’s that?”

“Dance.”

**********

He shot her down at first, claiming he didn’t dance, but he always shot her down on the first try. Beth was learning quickly that Shane’s bark was worse than his bite. She blamed the buzz in her veins for asking again, bouncing a little in her seat to the music to urge him along, a trick that worked. He caved so quickly that Beth could only assume a small part of him had wanted to say yes in the first place. It was easier for her to pay no mind to anyone as she grabbed his hand and led him out to the floor, finding a spot between all the other drunks with clumsy feet. Shane’s heavy boots weren’t clumsy, but they were stiff, his hands barely making contact with her waist as she placed her own on his shoulders. Agreeing to a thing was a lot easier than doing a thing.

Somewhere in the background, a slow melody was playing from a jukebox but Beth ignored the lyrics and instead focused on the man in front of her. She looked at him but he seemed to wanna look at anything else, knowing every move was being watched.

Beth felt like she was back in 5th grade, sharing her first dance with a boy who was afraid his friends were judging him and she had no intention of reliving that experience.

“I was thinking tomorrow we could do some work outside,” Beth mentioned, finally drawing his eyes down to her face. “Cut the grass, fix the fence.”

Shane always loosened up with talk of work and Beth had plenty of work to talk about.

“What about the cabinets, I thought those were next?” He asked.

Already Beth could feel his fingers grow a little more at home on her hips, pulling her just a hair closer.

“We’ve gotta wait on that, actually. Patricia wants to have a big dinner before we go and wreck the place, you’re invited by the way. This sunday.”

“What if I don’t wanna come?”

“You never wanna do anything.”

“That’s not true.”

Beth wasn’t sure if it was just to spite her words, but Shane’s arms finally wrapped around her waist, his hands intertwined on the small of her back. The space between them was now nonexistent and while Shane had a few inches on her, Beth could easily watch his lips move with his next words.

“Who’s gonna be there?”

“Me, Patricia, Gabriel...I’m not really sure. Two other women though.”

“That right? Can I picture them naked?”

Did he realize his grip on her had tightened? That they were stomach to stomach and Beth could feel his abs pressed against her? Because Beth couldn’t quite ignore it, or the heat that flooded her limbs that had nothing to do with the alcohol. She blamed it on the fact that she’d thought of little in the last month except her dad, the farm, and certainly not a man’s touch.

“I don’t think they’d appreciate that,” Beth whispered.

“Then who can I imagine naked?”

Shane was grinning and Beth was drunk, but not drunk enough to walk herself into that one.

“Patricia.”

She felt his laugh, his shoulders vibrating just a little under her touch. The song came to an end just as Beth had wrapped her arms around his neck and neither of them made a move to leave. Instead the next song kicked in, and Shane was so close that Beth could feel his breath on her lips.

“Who sings this?”

“Billy Currington,” she answered, feeling his hands open and start to explore her lower back, his fingers swaying to the rhythm of the song. Just like the lyrics suggested, Shane must’ve been doing something right, because Beth’s hands started to explore him too, her fingers massaging the nape of his neck, stroking his hair. The moisture on his neck didn’t go unnoticed, or the shiver that went down his spine, tension settling between their hips.

“It’s not half bad.”

Beth had no reply. Especially when he started humming the tune in her ear, followed by a few words.

With sober ears his voice probably needed some work, but it sounded just fine to Beth. She rested her head on his chest and said nothing more. Instead she just listened - to his voice, to his heart’s steady beat, to the sigh that escaped her own mouth when his hands continued to lay claim and explore the base of her spine.

“We should go after this,” he whispered, reading her mind. “Sober up, drive home.”

Beth wasn’t sure if the heat between their bodies was from her sunburn, the alcohol, the eager stares, or something else. Quite possibly a mixture of everything. It was definitely time to go. When the song came to an end, she pulled back and caught his dark, heavy eyes staring back at her.

“I thought you didn’t dance.”

Finally, their bodies parted but Shane’s hand stayed on her lower back.

“I don’t,” he shrugged.

She couldn’t quite object, especially when that had felt different than any dance she’d ever had.

He guided her outside, but only after he dumped some bills onto the table they’d shared, not bothering with a word of goodbye to anyone. If eyes had been watching when they’d walked in, eyes were definitely watching as they walked out, no doubt assuming what would happen next.

Of course, it was nothing nearly as scandalous as people probably imagined.

Shane popped the tailgate of her truck down where he took a seat, Beth following suit.

The air was muggy but somehow managed to still feel like relief against Beth’s sweltering skin. She blamed the sunburn, even if it was a lie.

“You gonna hold me hostage until I’m sober?” Beth asked, her feet dangling next to Shane’s.

“Yup. That’s my job.”

“Will I be treated to a sobriety test?”

“Maybe, don’t give me anymore ideas.”

It turned out that she didn’t need the sobriety test. Smacking mosquitoes off their skin proved to be sobering on its own, random whacks and slaps filling in the air between their conversation. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected when they’d sat down but the words continued to flow effortlessly, Shane usually telling her a dirty secret about whoever came and went from the bar they’d just left. When the stories got old they both laid back in the truck, boots and sneakers still swinging, and talked about the farm.

With a little effort, he agreed to Sunday dinner, even though Beth had known he would. Neither mentioned the dance and she knew neither would. Beth could still feel the nape of his neck under her touch, still smell the beer on his breath. It was a scent that usually turned her off, and maybe it was because she’d been equally as intoxicated, but he wore it well. Just like that tight black t-shirt.

When midnight rolled around, they were both tired of scratching bug bites and decided to call it a night. Beth knew she was sober but she had to admit there was something nice about having his cruiser follow her truck down the highway, especially when she realized she was the only person the road that could speed in front of a cop.

Parking in front of her house was a bit of a reminder of what was inside, her mood dipping just a little. For a few hours Beth had blissfully forgotten her dad and while she’d desperately needed the break she also knew it was time to get back to reality. Then again, a few more minutes wouldn’t kill anything.

“Thanks,” Shane told her, grabbing his gear from the trunk.

“You paid.”

“Yeah, but it was your idea.”

She noticed the hesitance in his step.

“See you in the morning?” She asked, just making sure.

“If you insist.”

And just like that they were back to the way it always was. Shane complaining, but with a shit eating grin.

Beth told him goodnight, he gave her a nod, and they both walked away at the same time.

Back inside, her body wanted to do nothing but crash. The alcohol had worn off but it’d left her exhausted, overheated, and the hour long drive didn’t help. Even with that in mind, she went straight towards Herhsel’s room, just to make sure everything had been fine in her absence and maybe tell him a bit about her day and the work she and Shane were planning.

Instead she found Patricia.

The other woman was fast asleep in the chair by Hershel’s bed, the Bible still open on her lap. Beth decided to leave it alone. She didn’t wanna think about a day when her dad wouldn’t be there, but she didn’t wanna think about the day when Patricia wasn’t either. There was no stopping the first but selling the farm sealed the deal on the second.

When her head hit the pillow, Shane’s suggestion was still playing in her mind. As was the sway of his hips and the scent of his skin.

******

Shane wanted to collapse but a shower was in order. He was covered in sweat, bug bites, and reeked of sleazy bar. There was another scent mixed in there, something soft and sweet, one Shane knew he needed to rid himself of if he were going to get any sleep that night.

The hot water worked out a few of the kinks in his muscles, soothed the headache starting to pound at his temples, but did little to relieve other parts of him that had begun to throb. If anything the humidity just warmed his body up, gearing up for something he had no real way to relieve, not the way Shane wanted to anyway. Every bit of tension and need in his body had collected low in his gut, making his cock ache for a touch as all the blood in his body traveled south.

Shane bit down on his bottom lip, rested his freehand against the tile, and finally gave in. With the water scalding his flesh, he gave himself one slow careful stroke, shutting his eyes and gripping himself tight.

He’d never sleep without unloading, but he also knew he’d never get through tomorrow or the next day. He wouldn’t think of her.

With a cautious hand, Shane stroked his hot, hard skin, patient but tight, just how he was craving it. A quick jerk would’ve worked but he didn’t want a quick jerk, he wanted something tight, wet, and steady. A slow grind would’ve been best but there wasn’t a damn thing to grind into except his hand. His cock begged for wet and nasty but it was forced to settle for Shane’s firm grasp, throbbing under slow painful strokes.

It didn’t matter how tight he shut his eyes, her thighs were there...spread out on the bed of that truck, in the cutoffs so tiny that her pockets hung out in the front. Firm and young, just like the other parts of her that sometimes hung out of the back of those shorts. The view had been nice but the real thing hadn’t been so bad either. Beth’s backside had felt tiny in his arms and he was positive that to take a man his size, she’d have to be prime and ripe, warmed up by a man and not a college boy. Try as he might to think of the good conversation they’d shared instead, Shane was only human. His dick burned, forcing him to a place he knew he shouldn’t go. It was rigid and at full attention, pulsing every time he gave himself a jerk.

The shower was steaming up as his paced quickened and Shane knew he was close. He whispered a quiet curse to himself, hating himself for needing something more than the palm of his hand, for simply needing to relieve the pressure building in his body. It’d been far too long, he told himself. He also told himself the pressure between their bodies on that dance floor had been nothing but the few drops of cum leaking from the head of his dick said otherwise.

A shiver of pleasure shot from his belly button to his nuts and with a rough jerk, he felt himself empty against the tile, a grunt echoing off the walls. He thanked God he was alone. Even if coming down a shower drain didn’t feel as good as coming down something else, it would have to work. Shane had just wanted to release the valve a bit, before the pressure became too much.

After collecting his bearings, Shane switched the water over to ice cold and realized he probably should’ve tried that first. But it was too late and the job had been accomplished either way. By the time his head hit the pillow, Shane was immediately dead to the world and his demons purged.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a day early because well, why not? Thanks again to everyone that is reading and has left feedback or kudos! ♥

If working inside had been tiring, tending to the lawn outside was pure torture. Relief from the heat couldn’t be found even under the shadiest of trees and God knew Shane had tried. The fans in the main house that had days before felt like not nearly enough suddenly became a welcome respite. Lunch breaks still included a sandwich but with conversation thrown in. At least, when they weren’t too exhausted to speak. Shane weed-eated until his arms were vibrating even after putting the device down and Beth’s legs were always covered in blades of grass from the mower. When either of them got tired, they’d switch.

Everyday they prayed for rain and each time they were disappointed. Sunday was no different, dawning scorching hot and miserable but dry as a bone. Suddenly the dinner Shane had been dreading didn’t seem so terrible. Sleeping in was a luxury but he couldn’t remember what he used to with idle hands. Waking up with no plans and no one to bullshit with until 2PM resulted in him just focusing on how hot he was, even with the fan whirling above his head.

Finally, after waiting the proper amount of time to be fashionably late, Shane took a quick shower, dressed, and headed towards the main house.

“I was starting to think you were gonna stand us up.”

Beth was in the grass, on her knees, trying to screw the hose onto a sprinkler. There were two little girls Shane had never seen with her, waiting on her to finish.

“I thought about it,” Shane lied.

“Liar.”

It was the first time Shane had ever seen Beth in anything other than her typical tank tops and the sun dress didn’t go unnoticed. There was nothing fancy about it, but it caught Shane’s eye when she stood up. He decided looking at her feet was probably best.

“Nice shoes.”

“Gee...thanks,” she replied.

Her shoes were the same pair of beat up Converse she wore everyday, grass stains and all.

“I actually meant it. Women and their shoes, acting like they need a pair for every outfit. Trust me when I say, no man cares about what’s on your feet.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, we don’t all dress for men,” Beth said, lowering her voice because of the little girls around. “Plus, some dudes are into that.”

“Yeah well, not this one, lady.”

“Ooh, I’m a lady now, am I?”

Shane knew the banter could’ve gone back and forth for quite a while but there were two little kids there and he was trying to be on his best behavior. Beth also seemed to remember their guests, finally introducing them as Patricia’s granddaughters. He hadn’t expected kids to be there and hadn’t been around a kid since Carl Grimes. The memory was like a punch to the gut, especially since he knew he’d been a damn good friend to the boy. Maybe he could even be a decent father to a little girl, not that he’d ever know.

“You need help in there with anything?” Shane asked, praying for a distraction.

“No, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself doing women’s work. But there is one thing you could do for me?”

Beth could’ve asked Shane to go mow the lawn again and he would’ve readily agreed.

“Can you fix this for the girls? I wanna see how Patricia’s doing inside and I can’t get the hose on the nozzle.”

“Sure,” he agreed, even though that wasn’t quite what he’d had in mind.

But he couldn’t say no, he’d never had it in him. Beth walked back inside, Shane refused to watch, and instead bent down with the two kids hovering over him. They were cute little things, two matching blondes, and Shane had already gotten their names mixed up. He wasn’t sure which was Lizzie and which was Mika just that the oldest one talked twice as much as the youngest.

“Are you Beth’s boyfriend?” The older girl asked, her voice swooning with the words.

“Nope,” he answered.

“You seem like her boyfriend.”

“And what would a young lady such as yourself know about boyfriends?”

“Lizzie has a boyfriend.”

That time it was the smallest one that spoke and Shane was cursing the rusty sprinkler.

“Ain’t you a little young for a boyfriend? Does your grandma know?”

Lizzie never answered and Shane thanked his lucky stars he’d never had a baby girl. And as soon as the thought had time to process he realized it was a lie, twice over.

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Lizzie asked instead.

“Who?”

“Beth.”

That time it was Shane’s turn to play mute. With a bit of a struggle he finally got their sprinkler running and stood up, ignoring the interrogation. 

“Listen here, don’t worry about boys just yet. At your age they’re all as dumb as rocks. Wait a few years alright?”

“How many years?”

Shane couldn’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

“Seventy,” he answered with a straight face and it took them both a few moments to realize he was kidding.

But finally they smiled up at him and Shane was reminded once again how good it could feel to have a few kids around. They were always eager to make friends with anyone and Patricia’s grandbabies were no different. Shane knew the moment they were finished in the water they’d be inside, talking his ear off, or any ear that was eager to listen. He always assumed it was because after a while, parents got tired of listening to the same questions over and over but other adults were fair game. He just wasn’t sure if he would’ve been that type of parent or not. It was too late to know.

Back inside, Beth and Patricia worked in the kitchen and Shane was finally introduced to Denise’s girlfriend although no introductions were necessary. 

Tara Chambler had been a rookie when he and Rick had still been friends and had even ridden along with them a few times. Shane didn’t talk to her much but he didn’t talk to anyone at work much. Or anyone, period. 

“You still working the day shift, right?” Tara asked.

“Yes ma’am.”

They sat at the table, sipping beers, waiting on the food that was supposedly done. Somewhere behind him Beth and Patricia were in the kitchen, listening to Gabriel spread gossip about his flock. Shane had never been religious but he was starting to think he was missing out by not going to church.

“They’ve stuck with me nights,” Tara frowned. “I guess it’s better than nothing though.”

“You’ll get there,” Shane told her. “I’ve been on the force for twenty years now and sometimes they still want me to switch to nights.”

“What do you tell them?”

“To go fuck themselves.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I can get away with that just yet,” Tara added, unbothered by Shane’s mouth. “Sheriff Blake hates me.”

“That man hates everybody. But who knows, maybe a spot on the day shift will open up. Cops get shot all the time.”

As soon as the words left his lips, Shane shut up, realizing what he’d just said. He expected Tara to clam up, cops stuck together, and she’d known Rick just as well as she knew Shane. Instead she just shook her head at his unintentional ruthlessness and forged ahead.

“Exactly. See...you are down a partner.”

And no quicker than that, Shane realized what she was getting at.

“Why the hell would I want a rookie for a partner?” Shane asked, knowing he had to rough her up a bit.

“Because it’s better than no partner?”

He could admit his days did feel longer without Rick riding next to him. Shane hadn’t just lost his best friend but the person who’d had his back on a tough call, someone who was always there when back-up was pussy footing around. Also, someone to wake him up when he dozed off on the dull days.

“C’mon,” Tara went on, seeing that she was wearing him down. “It’s not like I have to worry about you sleeping with my wife.”

“It’s true - you don’t,” Denise piped in from the kitchen.

Shane couldn’t help but laugh. They all laughed, even the pastor, and Shane was positive every last person in that house was going straight to hell. He caught Beth’s eyes for a quick second when she brought them more beers, her smile just as wide as his. It was hard to find people who didn’t judge him for his evil deeds, much less people who could find the humor in it. 

“Fine, I’ll talk to Blake. But I ain’t making any promises.”

“Good enough for me,” Tara agreed.

When she offered him a fist bump, Shane just rolled with it.

Eventually Patricia and Gabriel moved outside to watch the girls play and Shane made himself at home in the kitchen with Beth. Their bodies were used to dancing around each other while at work, and while Shane didn’t fancy himself a cook he knew enough to get the job done. There wasn’t a roll he couldn’t butter.

Dinner consisted of him sitting beside Beth, across from Lizzie and Mika, the two girls having a giggling fit every time he or Beth spoke a single word to each other. The loud conversation around them afforded them a few private moments, none of which went unnoticed by Lizzie. He was thankful for a warm meal, but he was just as thankful when it was over. The kid might’ve been young but Shane was positive that at any moment she was going to call him out for being a hound dog and Shane didn’t want anyone’s good mood to be spoiled. Nor did he want to get outed by a middle schooler.

After every last plate had been cleaned and the post-meal sleepiness kicked in, Denise excused herself to check on Hershel one last time with Beth and Tara trudging up the stairs with her. The kids begged for one last round in the sprinkler before they had to go home and Shane gladly volunteered to clean up the mess.. He wasn’t used to a loud house anymore and while it’d been good while it’d lasted, Shane also craved the quiet hours he’d spent with Beth as they tore the place apart and put it back together.

Shane started the dishes as Gabriel brought them all from the table and Shane had expected the man to excuse him afterwards. He’d wanted Gabriel to, at least. But instead Shane found himself scrubbing plates while the pastor took up a spot beside him.

“I can rinse and dry, the job will go faster,” Gabriel volunteered.

Shane said nothing in response. He wasn’t quite terrible enough to be rude to a pastor but striking up a conversation hadn’t been on his agenda for the day. Perhaps he’d get lucky and Gabriel would be a quiet worker.

“You know, I haven’t seen you in church since Lori and Rick got married.”

Taking out his frustrations on the dirty pan in the sink, Shane finally responded.

“And you probably won’t see me again until I get married.”

It had been meant as a joke but the man seemed to have no sense of humor.

“I’m glad to hear you’ve changed your mind about marriage.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Ah, but the thought crossed your mind and that alone is improvement.”

Shane went back to scrubbing off grease. He hoped the other man had talked himself out but of course that wasn’t the case.

“It’s good to see that things are on the mend around here.” Gabriel said and Shane looked over just in time to see him smile.

Shane wasn’t proud of his next thought. He might not have been religious but he’d been raised to have a certain amount of respect for men of faith. But Shane was sure that Gabriel didn’t have any damn sense rolling around that little bald head of his.

“Pastor-”

“Please, call me Gabriel. Or Gabe. We don’t have to be so technical with each other. Especially since you don’t even go to church,” Gabe said with a nervous smile.

“Okay, Gabe. But you do realize there’s a dying man upstairs, right?”

“Absolutely, I pray with him every Sunday and pray for him every other day.”

Shane stopped what he was doing, sudsy hands and all.

“Then what gives?” Shane asked, struggling to see why Gabe was so jolly.

“The farm felt alive today,” Gabe finally answered. “Kids playing, food cooking, it was a nice change compared to the other weeks I’ve been here since the stroke. Just because bad things happen doesn’t mean good can’t come from it. Beth might be losing her father but I think she might be gaining a few things too.”

“She’s selling the farm,” Shane told him.

Shane had refused to mention keeping it to her since their conversation at the bar and he wasn’t planning on saying it again. Beth was a grown adult and whatever decision she came to needed to be hers and hers alone. He’d rather walk himself into traffic then give her something to blame him for.

“Time will tell,” Gabe went on as they both returned to the dishes. “But in the meantime you’re both doing great work, Hershel would be happy.”

“I guess.”

They both went back to scrubbing and drying but Shane had a funny feeling Gabriel wasn’t finished yet. Finally, Shane had nothing left to clean except the silverware, his least favorite part, when Gabe started in again. And even though Shane had known it was coming it was still enough to make him freeze for a moment.

“I see Rick and Lori at service sometimes. They’re moving soon though.”

“I know,” Shane grunted, feeling even less like chatting than before.

“She told me her pregnancy is going well and it’s a girl.”

Shane knew that too but decided it would be best not to share.

“They’re going to name the baby Judith. Carl seems thrilled to be a big brother...despite the um, circumstances. He actually picked the name.”

Those details were new to him and suddenly the forks needed more elbow grease than the pans ever had so Shane could digest Gabriel’s words. He hadn’t known the baby’s name, nor would he have ever picked Judith himself. But knowing Carl had picked her name made it ring a little better. Hell, just knowing Carl had accepted this new baby was like music to his ears. There was no way the kid didn’t know the truth about his baby sister’s paternity and Shane could rest a little easier after learning that Carl would accept her as his sister.

Shane finished his last spoon and handed it to Gabe, finally taking a look at the man. He was thin, with a broad smile and the most mischievous eyes Shane had ever seen on a pastor.

“I also might have asked for some pictures, once the baby is born,” he confessed to Shane. “After all, I’d hate for none of us to get to see her after they move away since she’s family. I imagine I won’t be the only one curious.”

Once again his eyes had that sneaky glint and Shane couldn’t help but smile.

“You know, you ain’t too bad for a Christian.”

“Thank you, I think.”

“You got anymore gossip I should know about?” Shane asked, tossing a dish rag in the sink. “Rick and Lori? How are they?”

He didn’t know why he bothered to ask and Shane wasn’t sure Gabriel would answer. Sneaking him secrets about the baby, his baby, was far different than gossiping about the friend Shane had wronged. But he shouldn’t have been surprised when Gabe answered. The man had loose lips and was entrusted with the community’s most sacred of secrets - a recipe for disaster.

“I think they’ll be okay...in time. I think everyone will,” Gabriel answered, confirming Shane’s suspicions that Lori and Rick were still struggling.

They’d always struggled. Shane could just imagine Rick sitting next to his wife, stiff as a board, holding her hand in one of Gabriel’s pews because that’s what good husbands did. They stayed with their wives, they went to church, they raised other men’s babies. The couple hadn’t been truly happy in years and for the first time, Shane really wished them the best in their big move. Rick deserved to be happy, as did Lori, despite her flaws, and the kids especially. It was a marriage glued together by duty and Shane couldn’t imagine marrying anyone short of a best friend.

For the first time in a long time he felt pity for his ex-partner. Shane had fucked up, but it’d been an already fucked up marriage in the first place. The responsibility over what had happened didn’t rest squarely on his shoulders.

Shane wanted to thank the man standing next to him for the small gifts he’d brought but the opportunity had passed. Denise and Tara had come back downstairs, ready to say their goodbyes, and when Gabriel dismissed himself too Shane was left alone with nothing but his thoughts. It wasn’t the worst place to be but it wasn’t quite what he had in mind. If everyone else was about to leave, he could at least say a goodnight to her, even if it was far earlier than they usually parted. After giving the counters one last wipe down with a Lysol wipe, Shane went upstairs, to the same room Denise and Tara had just left.

*******

It had been a good day, Beth couldn’t deny that. Their house had been far too quiet for far too long, but it was hard to forget why. She sat by her father’s bed, watching him breath, and wishing he could’ve been there, really there, to see it. Instead he stayed as unmoving as always. His condition hadn’t completely spoiled the afternoon but Beth knew it would’ve been better with him around. He would’ve been proud of her, and proud of his farm, and that was all Beth really wanted anyway.

The knock on the door frame was a bit startling, Beth had been lost in her thoughts, but she couldn’t help but smile at the face that greeted her. They’d been together all day, like every other day, but the difference was that this time she’d been forced to share his company. It wasn’t something she wasn’t used to and she’d missed his unfiltered commentary.

“How is he?” Shane asked, coming to plop his large frame in the chair next to hers.

Beth noticed the way he sighed the moment he sat down, his head leaning back in relaxation.

“The same,” she answered. “Always the same. He looks more pale though.”

“Doesn’t have to mean anything, he’s inside all the time.”

She glanced his way and matched his smile, even though they both knew it was a lie.

“Thanks,” Beth whispered. “Even if you are full of shit.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

It was the first time Beth had ever seen him in her dad’s room. She had a funny feeling Shane didn’t much like to think about Hershel being so weak and neither did she.

“I guess I just wish he could’ve been around today,” Beth admitted into the silence.

“I know,” Shane told her. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

That time Beth actually meant her words of thanks. With a calm hand she reached across the space between them and touched his forearm, giving Shane a rub before she was really even aware of doing it. She watched him relax under her fingers, his eyelids growing heavy, and another sigh escaping his lips.

“Your back still hurt?” Beth asked.

“I’m not sure it ever stopped.”

“C’mon,” she urged, standing up. “I can’t help him but I can help you.”

“Where?”

“Just come on.”

When he finally stood, Beth led him to her bedroom. It was one of the few rooms he’d never been in before, not that she was aware of, and she knew his eyes were drinking in every last detail. Not that there was much to see. She’d been away at school and in the meantime, her room had stayed the same. Beth had meant to breathe some life back into it but things changed. Unlike Maggie, she’d never invited a boy into her room at the farm, though Shane was far from a boy. Usually there was some discomfort involved anytime she invited a stranger into her space, but while Shane’s eyes were clearly curious, he wasn’t nervous. Men weren’t nervous.

Beth walked him over to the nightstand, not caring if he saw the mess of paper and pens on the table, and grabbed a tube of Icyhot out of the top drawer.

“Take your shirt off,” she told him, laughing at his next words.

“What? You aren’t gonna buy me dinner first?” Shane asked.

Their banter was back, but subdued. They were both tired and it was starting to show. Beth’s windows were open, allowing everyone else’s lively goodbyes to leak inside, but Beth’s next words were much more quiet.

“Just do it and sit down.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She tried not to watch him lift his shirt over his head and toss it on the bed, but it was futile. His body had been pressed against hers while they’d danced and in person it was more fit than she’d even imagined. Beth knew she’d never touched a man with such well defined abs, and while muscles had never really been her thing, Shane’s had grown on her. He was wide and tone and unlike her, his skin didn’t turn fifty shades of pink under the sun.

The old mattress squeaked under his weight and objected even more when Beth crawled in behind him.

“What have you got back there?” Shane asked.

“Just some Icyhot. Not a permanent fix but it’ll help relieve some of the tension.”

“I doubt it.”

Beth wasn’t oblivious to his innuendos but she forged ahead.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere.”

“Upper back? Lower back?”

“Everywhere.”

She took one more look at his back, his muscles stretching as he rearranged his body, getting more comfortable, and took a deep breath. Finally, with a large squirt of the cream in her palm, Beth’s hand met Shane’s skin, starting with his shoulders. Almost immediately his body sagged a little under her fingers and Beth knew the Icyhot wasn’t working quite that fast. It was just her massaging that seemed to do him in, a few sighs and grunts escaping his lips as she worked.

“So is this how you keep it up?” Shane finally asked, rolling his shoulders as the cream started to work.

“How I keep what up?”

“Working all the time. You’re wearin’ me out. Is it cuz you have a stash of Icyhot in your nightstand drawer?”

Beth smiled, even though Shane couldn’t see it. Her hands were still busying working over his flesh, the menthol mixing in the air with what Beth knew was the scent of rain. The screens in her windows protected them from the storm she knew was coming, but the humidity was closing in quickly.

“That’s not all I have in my nightstand.”

“Hmm, I bet it’s not.”

His voice was low and Beth could tell her hands were calming him down. Their conversations were usually so quick, so snappy, and this change wasn’t bad. Nor was the feeling of working over his shoulder blades, down his spine, until finally Beth’s fingers were dancing over his lower back. Beth knew she was inching into dangerous waters. The Icyhot was well applied, but she continued to rub it into his skin, even coming back up to his shoulders to run a steady hand over the nape of his neck.

“Does it feel better?” She asked.

“It’s startin’ to.”

They both knew Beth had no more reason to keep massaging over his sides but neither moved. Instead she let her fingertips explore his freckles and tan lines, committing them to memory for when the shirt was put back on. There was no real reason for it except that it’d been a busy day and some part of Beth had missed the one on one time.

“What’d you think of dinner?” She asked.

“It was alright. Better than I expected. You should do it again.”

“Next week?”

“I work.”

Beth bit her tongue to stop a snarky reply from coming out. She was enjoying the calm but a small part of her wanted to ask since when had he suddenly wanted to be a part of such things.

“The week after that, then.”

The warmth of the cream finally started to kick in and Beth let him go, wiping her hands on her quilt even though there was nothing left on them.

“Feel good?” She asked.

Shane didn’t answer. Not with his words. Instead Beth watched him yawn and stretch, probably the most relaxed she’d ever seen him. The voices outside were still lingering, southerners loved a long goodbye, but Beth knew they wouldn’t hang around much longer when she heard that beautiful roll of thunder, finally coming to bring them all some relief. Shane would probably say bye next but Beth wasn’t quite ready for him to leave. They typically spent all day together and she felt short changed.

“I feel like I could fall asleep right here,” Shane said, turning back towards her.

Maybe the cool breeze was to blame, maybe the warm meal, but suddenly sleeping didn’t sound so bad, not even if the sun hadn’t gone down yet. Beth kicked her shoes off, the ones he’d made fun of, and laid back on her bed. It didn’t feel time for him to leave yet and Beth blamed that for patting the empty spot next to her.

“Then sleep,” she said, pulling down the blanket. “Or rest, at least.”

Beth wasn’t sure what she’d expected. For him to say no, for him to hem and haw, for him to have some witty reply - all would’ve been appropriate. But instead he kicked off his boots and when his body sank down next to hers Beth was sure she’d never felt anything more comforting than his large frame taking up all the empty space next to her.

“I had a talk with Gabriel,” Shane finally said.

“That must’ve been amusing, I’m sorry I missed it.”

Shane smiled and Beth realized - just like his muscles, his grin had grown on her too. His features were large, a bit out of proportion, his nose had taken a few too many punches but he made it work.

“It wasn’t that bad, actually. I guess he’s gonna sneak me some pictures.”

“Of what?”

“The uh, the baby.”

“Oh.”

When had she turned to face him? Better yet, when had Shane turned to face her? It was easy for Beth to forget his problems sometimes, especially with so many of her own. And while she’d been worried about her dad, he’d been worried about this baby, his baby. Picturing him with a baby wasn’t as hard as Beth would’ve thought but she’d never asked how he felt about it, not really. It’d seemed intrusive but it was hard to feel that way when they were laying in bed next to each other, face to face, and her hand had outstretched to rub his shoulder...again.

“Do you think they’ll ever let you...”

“Meet her?” Shane asked. “Doubtful. They’re moving and it is what it is. I just get to deal.”

Beth’s nature was to argue with him but she also knew Shane was more aware of the situation than her. It wasn’t the time or the place. If Shane wanted to handle it in his own way, she’d let him. And if he wanted to wrap an arm around her waist, she’d let him do that too.

“So what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?” He asked, changing the topic. “The cabinets?”

They both smiled though Beth’s didn’t meet her eyes. She’d been thinking about those damn cabinets, all the improvements, and wondering if it was worth the trouble. The suggestion to keep the farm was still bouncing around in the back of her mind, but only just there, in the back. Time was running out and denying and it was pointless. The more they finished, the closer they were to selling the farm. But if they accomplished less it meant time had run out. Neither option was appealing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, picking up on her silence.

“Nothing.”

She felt him search her eyes, looking for a truth that she had no problem spilling.

“It’s just...sometimes it feels pointless. He’s going to die no matter what, you know?”

“Do you want your cabinets or not?”

“I do.”

“Then tomorrow, we’ll do the cabinets. We can even give this room a face lift - it needs it.”

“We?” Beth asked, refusing to be insulted by his suggestion about her bedroom. It was true.

“Yeah, we. Is that a problem?”

She didn’t answer. Instead Beth scooted a little closer after pulling up her blanket, covering them both from the breeze that had finally started to come in. The thunder kept on but so far, the rain was holding out. Beth’s eyelids were growing heavy, her limbs relaxing as they wrapped around him, her leg claiming his waist like it belonged to her. A part of her expected him to tense up, like during the dance, but instead Shane nudged in tighter too. The sun was just starting to go down when he whispered a quiet goodnight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Beth wasn’t sure if it was the pouring rain that woke her up or Shane’s body, giving a quick jerk in her arms. The sun was barely up, the down pour they’d been expecting was still going strong, but all Beth was really aware of was that, when she nuzzled tighter under the blanket, Shane’s grip on her hips tightened too. It was a bit disorienting coming to when it felt like she’d just fallen asleep, but judging by the sun rise, they’d been passed out for hours. Hours that had been spent in the exact same position – Beth’s arms wrapped around Shane’s torso, her leg draped over his waist, her face nuzzled into his chest.

She should’ve been stiff, with limbs intertwined for hours, but Beth hadn’t felt so relaxed in months. It felt like she’d melted into him and that nothing could intrude in the safe place they’d created under her quilt – not thoughts of her dad, selling the farm, or even the drafty air from the storm outside.

“Should I close the window?”

Shane’s question was muffled, partly from sleep, but also because his face was buried in her hair.

“No,” Beth answered, almost moaning when he stretched against her.

Beth didn’t want him to move. Even if every muscle in her body felt like putty, she couldn’t claim the same for Shane. There was one part of him, hard and warm, digging between her legs and Beth didn’t want that to leave either. Beth wasn’t an idiot. She’d woken up next to a few guys in her day and knew to expect an old fashioned case of morning wood but having Shane pressed against her, unabashed in his arousal, was completely different. It felt like second nature when Beth pressed herself against him a little more, acknowledging Shane’s state without words.

He let out a long, easy sigh, one that made Beth want to do it again.

“Well, mornin’ to you too,” Shane finally whispered, one of his large hands stroking down her bare thigh.

Beth had fallen asleep in the same old dress she’d worn the day before and now it was bunched up around her waist, exposing every inch of her flesh to Shane’s palms.

“You sleep well?” she asked, pulling away just enough to run her hand down his cheeks, to trace the blemishes and stubble that, until then, only her eyes had explored.

“I did. Wakin’ up well too.”

He sighed again and Beth was aware of the heat growing between their bodies, not just him, but her as well. Despite the draft, her skin was flush against his, her mind narrowing in on the erection trapped between them. They were never allowed to share moments like this. Moments when they could just breath and not work, not talk, not anything, except enjoy the touch of someone else. Beth couldn’t remember the last time she’d woken up to thoughts of something that made her body burn with life and she didn’t want to let the chance slip through her fingers.

“I slept well too,” she told him, refusing to move her hand from his face.

Beth watched his tired brown eyes open, stare back at her, and as much as she expected him to pull away, Shane never did. He always objected at first, he was always the first to say no, but this time there was no dancing around him, trying to drag him into her plan – Shane stayed put and let Beth run her thumb over his lips, even giving her a small kiss in the process. Gentle lips led to more slow strokes, flaming the fire that was beginning to burn in Beth’s belly.

“Beth...” 

She barely heard the whisper, the rain was coming down too hard outside. But mother nature wasn’t the only thing that felt like coming hard. 

“This shouldn’t happen.”

“No,” she agreed, still tracing his lips. The man had a cupid’s bow that any woman would envy.

“But it’s going to, yeah?”

That time Beth just met his eyes and nodded. Regardless of the whys or why-nots, Beth knew there was only so much dancing around the issue either of them could do before it came to a head. How many times could she catch Shane’s gaze on her ass? How many nights did she have to fall asleep thinking about the way his sweaty t-shirt clung to him? It’d been too long since a man had been between Beth’s legs and some things were best gotten out of the system.

It was just a simple nod, Beth giving the faintest of agreement, that made Shane’s grip on her hips tighten. She pressed against him in response, the large bulge between them rubbing eagerly between her legs. His dark eyes watched her reaction, witnessing her bottom lip quiver. The next time it was Shane that forced his hips to roll between her thighs, holding himself against her center, making Beth ache to feel the real thing. Those big hands she’d always admired from a distance found her ass, giving it a hard squeeze, still adding pressure to the place their bodies touched.

She shut her eyes, but only for a moment. The second Shane’s hand reached for her face Beth met his stare, goosebumps painting her flesh when he leaned in.

His lips were gentle, milking a moan that caught in her throat just as their mouths connected. Just a peck at first, then another, Shane resting his lips against hers as their foreheads touched. As soon as Beth’s nipples stiffened and she felt him pulse against her, his next kiss came, this time longer, his tongue slipping between her lips to deepen it until Beth heard him moan too. Her fingers ventured straight for his hair, desperate to keep him in place.

When his hands held her still so his hips could grind again, Beth whimpered into his mouth, sweaty and flush despite the open window. Shane kept her there, his lips working against hers, all the while moisture collected in Beth’s panties, seeking relief.

“You don’t happen to have a condom in that night stand of yours, do you?” Shane finally asked, his breath hot and heavy against her neck, leaving a trail of kisses after the question.

“Yes...” her voice trailed off, her heart sinking a little at the thought of a barrier between them. It was a horribly reckless thought born from the need to feel him.

“But what?” he asked, pulling away to watch her answer.

“But...I’m on the pill.” It was true, so were the next words out of her mouth. “So if you’d rather...”

Was it her imagination or did his cock twitch when she playfully darted her eyes and bit her lip, insinuating he slide into her a free man? She watched that shit-eating grin form on his face, easily picking up on what she was laying down.

“I think I can handle that,” he nodded, looking damn pleased with himself. And he should’ve been, Beth had a puddle between her legs, one he pressed against again while making eye contact. He sucked in his lip, watching her clench him tighter with her thigh. “Didn’t realize you were such an eager little thing.”

“Mmmm, it’s been a while for some of us,” she answered, her words catching as Shane rolled her onto her back.

“Well then, won’t kill ya to wait a little more then.”

The sun had completely risen, lighting the small room as the rain continued to pour. Beth watched as Shane kissed his way down, brushing over both of her nipples with light lips, just enough to make her pulse quicken and her body throb. His head of thick, dark hair traveled farther south, making a trail as Beth parted her thighs for him.

When he arrived at his destination the slow, easy kisses stopped as he took a moment to rid himself of his cargo shorts. Beth followed his lead, sitting up long enough to remove the sundress from over her head, pausing to get an eye full of of the sizable bulge straining inside Shane’s boxer briefs. Just the sight made her stomach flutter, ready to open herself to him.

Shane had other plans.

A quick push and Beth was flat on her back again. Shane worked her slick panties off, his lips quick to return to her soft flesh, the prickly stubble on his jaw scraping against her chest when he sucked a hard nipple between his lips. The slick suction hit Beth fast, her body growing antsy as her legs parted in a silent plea. It was tempting to hold his head in place, the tugs from his lips sending a shiver of pleasure to her lower belly where it collected and threatened to unravel, but Beth knew she’d never be satisfied with that.

Down he went, Shane’s strong hands forcing her thighs to part as wide as her body would allow, pinning her to the mattress.

Was it the thunder or Beth that groaned? Both, definitely both.

His mouth touched her everywhere except the place she desired. Her navel, her thighs, her sticky lips. He was roughing her up, patiently, sucking and scraping teeth against the pulse point on her sensitive thighs, always willing to travel back to her center but only to avoid the one achy spot that was throbbing for his relief. His sloppy kisses missed it each and every time.

It was a cruel tease. And attempting to relieve it was futile. Beth twisted under his attentive lips, her hands clutching at the covers, the sheets sliding through her fingers just as quickly as the hope Shane built up every time he inched closer and closer. Finally her hips were straining under his hands and she’d had enough, reaching for his hair and burying her fingers in the sweaty strands, forcing his mouth where she needed it. She felt him chuckle, just as his tongue finally slid down her slit.

The musky scent of her own arousal hit Beth’s nostrils just as Shane groaned, lost in the taste. He licked her again, his tongue flat as he lapped at her fluids, finally latching onto her swollen clit and moaning again. Beth’s hands stayed twisted in his hair, her nails digging into his scalp as he sucked, his tongue occasionally fluttering, fueling the flames.

With each flick of his tongue Beth felt herself inch closer and closer to that peak but still needing more – something else, just a tiny little shove to get her over the cliff.

She whimpered, she begged, she moaned his name. Not until Shane was good and ready did he finally free one of her thighs, using two thick digits to slide into her walls. And it was that – that onslaught of him filling both needs at once that made her legs tremble and back arc.

Her breath was coming heavy. They were creating a wet mess, Shane’s tongue flicking faster than ever against her clit, his fingers pumping just as harsh. Each thrust made the throbbing build, forcing Beth to gasp until the humid air filled her lungs. Finally when Shane’s eyelids fluttered open and his eyes met hers, Beth unraveled in his palm. She let him watch, allowed him to see her most vulnerable moment – when his fingers hit just that perfect rhythm and his mouth sucked her clit, until the fluttering of her walls began to pound, squeezing his harsh strokes into her climax.

Even as she lost control, he pushed through it, the brutal assault of his mouth and fingers never letting up until he drained her dry and she collapsed, panting for air.

“You ain’t throwing in the towel on me?”

Beth could hear the laughter in his voice but she took a few deep breaths before looking towards him, a lazy smile on her face. The boxer briefs were coming off. Beth watched, her body already perking up again at the sight of his thick cock, standing at attention, proving what she’d always suspected – every part of Shane Walsh was large.

“Definitely not,” Beth answered, her stomach fluttering in anticipation when he settled on his knees between her thighs.

She knew that outside her bedroom door the house would be beginning to come to life but for the first time in a long time Beth didn’t feel the pull to go help, to make herself useful. Instead she could only concentrate on one thing – the man positioning himself between her legs. Judging by the hard flesh he aligned at her entrance, Shane needed her more in that moment than anyone else on the farm.

Her pulse had just started to slow, just like the rain outside, when Shane finally came chest to chest with her. His sigh was heard before Beth felt it, his muscles relaxing as he adjusted into position, his mouth finally claiming hers again. He still tasted like her and Shane was eager to share the flavor, his tongue dipping inside again, in tune with the first roll of his hips, until Beth felt herself stretching around him. The climax that had just ripped through her had left her sensitive and that first rock of Shane’s hips left her gasping for air. Beth’s hands held his face in place, kissing and moaning into her neck, his stubble was still coated in her fluids too. The next thrust was just as slow, Shane pushing in as deep as her body would allow. Every time he moaned the legs Beth had wrapped around him tightened, desperate to pull him in.

He found a steady beat, rocking them both, always pushing in with as much force as his straining muscles could manage. Their bodies were sticking together, covered in the sweat and scent of each other.

Beth could feel that familiar throb return, the one deep in her belly that grew and grew until it traveled south and her hips were rocking with his, her hands clawing down his back, sure to leave a mark.

Every time he grunted Beth moaned back, the sound of such a strong man losing himself too much for her to bear.

Finally his thrusts picked up speed. Slow and sloppy no longer seeming to satisfy him, Shane grinded into her hard and fast, always bottoming out, her sensitive flesh making his journey slick and tight. Using a free hand he worked Beth’s arms above her head, pinning her down as his brutal thrusts hit harder, faster, the sweat from his brow dripping on her face.

Beth didn’t even fight his tight grip around her wrists. She let go of the hold her legs had on his waist and spread open for him until her hips hurt, whimpering every time her body pulsed and walls tightened. Each time his cock slid inside of her Beth inched closer and closer to exploding, lying beneath him spread eagle and stumbling over sounds that were supposed to be his name.

It was another of his grunts that did it – her nipples stiffening and her arousal boiling over, until Shane was pounding into her climax.

There was a mess between her legs when Shane finally freed her arms, allowing her to cling to him, a soft kiss placed on her forehead between his heavy breaths. Shane peaked right behind her. Beth felt his body stiffen, just like his dick, a few more harsh strokes until he buried himself inside of her, his hips rolling and his lips meeting hers as he moaned in her mouth. A few more gentle, easy thrusts and Beth knew he’d emptied himself within her. She cradled him when he collapsed against her, his mouth buried in her neck, both of their hearts still pounding in their chests. Every part of her body felt weak, limp in satisfaction, sore muscles were guaranteed.

After a few moments of silence as their breath steadied, Beth heard Shane let out a few fake snores, making her cackle and give him a shove.

“You ain’t quitting on me now, are ya?” she asked, mocking his earlier question as he rolled over and splayed out next to her, one eye barely opening.

He just snorted at first, still a little out of breath. “Give me a few.”

“Few what? Days, old man?”

“Cute.”

“No? Weeks? Should I go get the Viagra?”

When the pillow hit her in the face, Beth just laughed, tossing it on the floor with all the other covers. The small room was muggy, their skin sticking together when Shane pulled her to him and Beth nestled in his armpit, her thigh draping around him once more. The sun was finally starting to shine through the rain clouds but Beth couldn’t find it in herself to bother closing the window. A part of Shane was still trickling out her and onto his bare thigh but if he seemed to mind, his steady heartbeat said otherwise. When he snored again, Beth was certain it was real, although she wasn’t willing to check, her eyes were already closing.

******

The room was so hot when Shane’s eyes flickered open that for a moment he questioned if someone had turned on the heat. Until he remembered, not that it was easy to forget, that they’d done exactly - turn on the heat. Beth was still wrapped around him, the blonde hair that had been sweaty earlier was now dry and covering part of her face, the part that wasn’t pressed against his sticky skin anyway. He didn't want to move, but judging by how high the sun was in the sky, he hadn’t slept so late since high school. Half the day was gone, important hours they’d need for jobs to be done and of course, Shane knew, conversations to be had. But still he hesitated, breathing in the scent of her shampoo a few more seconds, trying to assure himself he wouldn’t forget even though it would’ve been for the best if he did. 

He was careful when he finally twisted out from under Beth, trying his hardest not to wake her up. They’d both needed sleep and for the first time since starting work together, Shane’s body didn’t ache from the effort of getting up.

He almost managed it. She moaned a little as he got up, rolling over in the warm place his body had left behind, and it wasn’t until he’d given up the search for his boxer briefs and pulled his shorts on without them that her eyes finally opened, squinting from the sunlight.

“What time is it?” she asked, already closing her eyes again.

Shane grabbed the phone from his pocket, barely charged, and cringed when he saw the time.

“You don’t wanna know,” he told her. “Late.”

“Hit me with it.”

“It’s after noon, 12:33 to be exact.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck.” Shane agreed, buttoning his shorts. 

He felt her eyes on him, catching a quick glimpse before burrowing back into the pillow. If her body felt anything like his, Shane didn’t blame her for wanting to stay put. The muscles that had ached the night before felt brand new again and Shane was in no rush to put them back to work but he’d always been good at doing the things that needed doing and just getting on with it. 

His shirt stayed on her floor, intentionally. It was too hot, he was already sticky, and why not put his male privilege to good use? There was no doubt that anyone that might stop by that day had seen a shirtless man before and Shane certainly wasn’t shy.

“Just a few more minutes, okay?”

He was at the foot of the bed putting his boots on when she spoke and he’d assumed she’d already fallen back asleep. Standing up, he finally allowed his eyes to drink her in - every bare inch that his hands had been all over. Beth didn’t seem to have a shy bone either, her naked flesh was comfortably on display. Then again it was easily over 80 degrees in her bedroom.

“No rush, okay?” Shane told her, stretching to click the ceiling fan above her until it was spinning as fast as it could.

Next he covered her with the thin sheet, knowing all too well how the smallest of a breeze could chill sweaty skin.

“Mmmm, but there’s a lot to do.”

“Hey...I got it, alright,” he whispered, leaning down to give her shoulder a squeeze, his next words muffled from the lingering kiss he placed in her hair. “Just rest.”

She mumbled something in response but Shane couldn’t even make out the words, just the small nod of her head. By the time he stood up and quietly opened the door he knew sleep had already come to claim her.

Heading out, Shane was almost afraid Hershel Greene would rise from his bed just to bust him for coming out of Beth’s bedroom. Of course, no such thing happened and it never would. Instead, he was greeted by the sight of Patricia in the kitchen, surrounded by what appeared to be the contents of all the cabinets, stacked high on the table. She was still at work emptying them out when she noticed Shane’s presence. There was no mention of his lack of shirt or what direction he’d come from. Not yet.

“Thought I’d help you out,” she told him, placing a few canned goods on the table. “I started last night...this about does it.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“No, but I like to feel useful. Plus, I’m excited to see what the finished product is gonna look like.”

Shane just nodded, thanked her, and headed towards the coffee maker where a pot was already brewed and waiting on him.

“I started that too,” Patricia spoke. “Probably about two hours ago, thought y’all would be up earlier considering how early you went to bed. Probably tastes like death by now.”

“It’s fine.”

He grabbed a cup, poured it, and took a sip just how he liked it - straight black. She hadn’t been kidding about the taste but Shane kept that to himself. And maybe he could ignore her comment about their early bedtime but it was harder to pretend her eyes weren’t digging into his back. If he had a sixth sense it was the ability to know when a woman was staring at him and it was a trick that had served him well in the past.

“Look, if you got something to say, just spit out,” Shane said, finally turning to face the older woman.

He leaned against the counter, bracing himself for her ugly words more than anything else. Ugly words that never came.

“Shane, I know that I watched that girl grow up but you’re both adults. I don’t have anything to say about what y’all do in your free time.”

“But...c’mon, Patricia. Don’t be shy. You’re thinkin’ something or else your eyes wouldn’t be digging into my back. Since when were you the type to hold back?”

Finally, she smiled and took a few steps closer, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Just be careful-”

“I know,” Shane interrupted. “I’m not-”

“Let me finish,” Patricia told him, getting pushy the way only an older southern woman could. “This isn’t just about her. Obviously if you ever hurt her I’d go get Hershel’s old shotgun and chase you off myself.”

Shane didn’t doubt it.

“But that’s not all there is to it. Frankly, I don’t think either one of you could take another lick of hurt after all that’s happened lately, for both of you.”

Even Shane knew better than to interrupt. Clearly, she had something to say and adding his two cents would only prolong the matter.

“Shane, you lost everything after what you did. Rick Grimes was your family. You might not wanna admit it now, after bad blood, but we both know it’s true. You loved him and that little boy, Lori too, in her own way, I'm sure. It’s hard enough to recover from that but you also lost your reputation, probably lost a few friends at work after a move like that...hell, you’re lucky you didn’t lose your job too. If she sells this farm like she claims she’s going to...well. I’m not so sure a man that’s already in debt can afford a loss like that. Just be careful, that’s all. I’m not sayin’ don’t do it...just do it carefully.”

A part of him wanted to remind her that he was a grown ass man and that what he chose to gamble on was his business. But he also knew that not only was she right but that few people were looking out for him anymore. The contents of his coffee cup were no longer interesting and finally Shane met her eyes.

“Thank you,” he said, giving a simple nod of his head.

“That’s it?” 

Shane just frowned in that over exaggerated way he had and shrugged.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Well...okay.” She’d clearly been ready for a fight and upon realizing there was none, she started folding the dish rag that’d been draped over her shoulder. “Is there anything else I can do to help then? I know you’re getting a late start.”

A late start wasn’t even beginning to cover it. They hadn’t started at all. But already the sweat was dripping down Shane’s spine and settling in the small of his back.

“Actually Patricia, I’ve got a job for ya.”

“Really?” 

“Yep. I want you to open every last damn window in this house and make sure every ceiling fan is on high. If you got any other fans, bring them out too.”

The pep in her step quickly disappeared.

“That’s it?”

Shane just sighed and drained his cup of bad coffee in one swallow, too fast to taste it.

“It’s either that or I sweat my dick off.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” she replied, rolling her eyes and clearly disappointed by such a small task. “But sure, I think there’s some old fans in the barn.”

“There ain’t any central air lurking out there by chance?” Shane joked.

Patricia just shook her head, already back to business.

“Hershel always said he grew up without it and he managed just fine.”

Shane almost told her it was no wonder the old man had suffered a stroke but went with the more sensitive reply given her earlier statements.

“Well, that’s fine for Hershel. But if Beth wants to sell this place to anyone that lives in the 21st century, she’s gonna need AC. It’s that simple.”

“You’re really gonna help her sell, aren’t you?” Patricia asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

Again, Shane just shrugged.

“If that’s what she wants then it’s what I’ll do.”

She walked away in search of the elusive fans, grumbling to herself, but Shane ignored any urge he had to ask her to repeat herself. There was too much to accomplish and thanks to his late morning, very little time. He’d be up at 5am the next day to go to work and he wanted to get everything going so Beth would be fine working on her own in his absence. 

They’d decided to simply paint the cabinets, it was slightly less work and a lot less money but it would still take awhile. Since Patricia had already emptied everything out, Shane set to it - first removing all the handles and knobs they’d be replacing, then he got started on taking out all the drawers and removing the hinges and doors. He tried not to think about Beth. And it was easy at first. Any large project required organizing and planning, deciding what needed to happen next, and there was no room in Shane’s mind for Beth’s bare ass, her wet panties, or even the way she’d wrapped herself around him in sleep. 

Of course, having a busy brain only worked for so long.

By the time he was removing the cabinet doors his knees were hurting from crouching on the tile and the work was growing dull. The only thing he had to distract himself with was trying not to slip in the perspiration he was dripping on the floor.

“You work incredibly fast.”

He’d been putting in extra effort to not conjure memories of Beth but her sneaking up on him, freshly showered, in another pair of cutoffs and a tight tank top, surely didn’t help.

“And you sleep incredibly late,” he answered, sneaking a glance at the bare thighs that hours before had been wrapped around him.

“It wasn’t all sleep. I showered, checked in on daddy.”

“How is he?”

“Always the same. And, if memory serves me, I remember someone telling me to just rest.”

Shane snorted and finally stood up to give his knees a break.

“I thought women never listened to men.”

“Hmmm, and I think you’ve got that archaic statement a bit backwards.”

It was Beth’s turn to pour herself a cup of coffee and judging by her expression it tasted just as badly to her taste buds. 

“Patricia made this, didn’t she? I know this weak coffee anywhere. She brew it last night?”

“Oh no,” Shane assured her. “A few hours ago. She was waiting on us to get up.” 

“Us. So...she knows.”

“She does. I don’t think it took a great detective to put those clues together though.”

“She say anything?”

“Nothing bad.”

Beth nodded and sipped her bad coffee. Shane liked that about her - she was never one to kick up a fuss, not over things that didn’t matter. If a person couldn’t make do with a shitty cup of coffee once in a while they’d never make it very far at anything.

She had a sneaky little smile on her face and he waited for her to say it. Say that she shouldn’t have rolled around in the sack with a man almost twice her age, that it’d been a mistake, something she’d simply needed to get out of her system. And when she did, Shane would agree. Except it never happened.

“So, I guess this is the part where we talk about last night,” Shane said, once again taking it upon himself to get the job done. Beth looked well rested and more relaxed than he’d seen her in days...maybe ever. Who could blame her for not wanting to acknowledge anything? “Where we both agree it was a bad idea, a horrible mistake, that it shouldn’t have happened. And then we get back to work.”

“Well. It definitely was not horrible.”

Shane just laughed and leaned against her, shoulder to shoulder. Her cheeks flushed with the memory and he had a difficult time separating the fragrance of her freshly washed hair from the sticky scent of her body that was still clinging to his skin, not that it mattered, both were appealing. 

“We should talk,” Beth finally conceded. “But maybe somewhere that doesn’t have eyes and ears, you know?”

“I do. What do you suggest?”

“Tonight...I can go over to your place once we’re finished, if that’s okay. Give us both a chance to shower first, catch our breath. But right now? I just wanna get back to work. See how much we can knock out with the little time we have today. And you work tomorrow so...we gotta get to it.”

“We do,” he agreed.

“So how far did you get without me?”

“Well, I’m about halfway done getting all the doors off. When you start you gotta remember to mark which door is what, I’ve just been slapping some painter’s tape on the back to label ‘em, so we know what goes where when we’re ready to put em back on. And check anything you remove, I’ve got em separated by what needs to have some dents and scratches sanded out first.”

“How long do you really think it’s all gonna take?”

“Longer than you’re comfortable with,” he answered honestly. “We can probably prep everything today...but then you gotta clean the years of grease off, sand. It ain’t gonna be pretty.”

“Then I guess we should get a move on it, huh?”

“Yep.”

But neither of them moved. Beth bumped her shoulder into his and after a few seconds, he did it back, both repeating the process and swaying where they stood until she’d finished her cup of coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Because I decided to write this fic as something purely for myself...I feel like I must say, please don't get your sexual education from fanfiction. There is no author in control of your life to ensure you are not exposed to any STDs. Wrap it up, guys and gals. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, have a nice day. 
> 
> (I just felt like I needed to add that before someone enlightened me to how very unrealistic that decision was. This fic wasn't written for realism but to quench a fangirl's thirst.) ♥♥♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is early, again, but I think I'm going to start updating every 3-4 days instead of my original plan. I'm just ready to get this beast under my belt and out into the world so it's easier to focus on other stuff. Thangs. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> And a big thank you, again, for everyone that reads, comments or leaves kudos. It is much appreciated. ♥

At 9 pm Beth hadn’t wanted to call it quits but she’d known Shane had to wake up early the next morning. They’d managed to get everything apart and clean, the cleaning taking far longer than she’d either expected or wanted. But the cabinets were old and the age had never been more obvious than when she was wiping away a few layers of grease and trying not to feel ill. When Shane knew they were about to call it a night they went ahead and laid down the plastic to protect the kitchen and then he showed her how to sand the wood, insisting she wear a mask and refusing to quit until he was confident she had the skill mastered enough for the job. 

And it was times like that, the times when he stood close or leaned over her shoulder, that using the work as a distraction was impossible. 

It’d been hard enough when he wasn’t close to her, when she couldn’t even feel his warm breath on her bare shoulders. All it’d taken was a quick glance in his direction, her eyes full of how low his shorts hung around his waist, and Beth had forgotten what she was supposed to be doing. It’d be the previous night again in her head, his body would be between her thighs and his moans would be in her ears. Him being shirtless didn’t help. Patricia and the nurses got an eye full too and Beth knew if Shane hadn’t been the type to manscape they may have seen more than they ever wanted. The cargo shorts had sat just above his dick. There were moments she couldn’t believe she’d actually slept with him, with Shane, that for a few precious moments he’d been inside of her, that some of him still was inside of her.

But when he was close? Somehow that was even worse. 

Still, they’d put a nice dent in the job. If she’d worried any changes would slow their pace, it’d been a useless fear. Other than a few lingering stares and some small unnecessary touches as they brushed by each other in tight confines, not much changed with the momentum they always built or the quick conversation. 

By 9:30 she was freshly showered but wanted to give Shane time to do whatever it was he did when he was alone. When she checked on her father Beth found Patricia asleep in the chair next to him, the book she’d been reading dropped on the floor. For a split second Beth felt it, the bitter thought she’d been keeping buried, raise its ugly head.

For a man who’d spent his life worshipping his God, Hershel Greene was being done dirty by The Almighty. 

Why else let him stay in such a state for so long? It wasn’t helping anyone - not Beth, not Maggie, certainly not Hershel. It was an awful thought and Beth felt her cheeks redden from shame, but it was there all the same. The kiss she placed on his cheek was the same as ever and Beth whispered him a quiet apology, feeling guilty for wishing it’d all be over and not just for the sake of finishing her cabinets.

The breeze that greeted her when she stepped outside the main house was as welcome as it was unexpected. Georgia’s suffocating humidity had decided to take a night off and it’d been long overdue. Beth hadn’t climbed the steps to the apartment over her dad’s office since high school and before she could stop to question if she should just knock or announce her presence through the screen door, Shane told her to come in, having heard her approach.

Nothing had changed about the space except it felt smaller to Beth now, the way rooms always did after a person grew up. Just as bare and simple, the only two differences being the fan pointed at the bed and the man in said bed, sitting up in just a pair of thin gray sweatpants, his face buried in his phone.

“You stole one of the fans?” she asked when he glanced up to smile at her.

“Yeah, came back and got it while you were in the shower.”

“Thank God. It feels amazing in here.”

Amazing was a bit of a stretch but after days in the 80s and 90s, anything felt better.

“Pop a squat,” he told her, patting the spot next to him.

Beth kicked off her shoes and settled down beside him, the scent of his Irish Spring hitting her nostrils when she sat back and stretched her legs out. Her t-shirt was so large and her cotton shorts were so tiny it gave the appearance she wasn’t wearing any shorts at all and judging by Shane’s sideways stare on bare thighs, he’d noticed too.

He wasn’t the only one stealing glances. Beth was only human and Shane had his phone open in his hand, right next to her, barely an inch between them. Her dad had always told her she was too curious for her own good and he’d rarely been wrong. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected to see Shane scrolling through on his screen but it definitely wasn’t what looked to be pictures of paint colors.

“What ya painting?” she asked.

“Your cabinets,” he answered, unphased by her wandering eyes.

“I thought we’d already decided on a color.”

“We did, but look at this.” He stopped scrolling long enough to close any distance between their shoulders so they could both look. Beth watched his thick fingers slide across the screen until the gallery was open. Before she could get a good peek at any other pictures lurking on his device, he’d handed it to her, a picture of a beautiful cabinet open. “What ya think? We’d need to test a sample, make sure it looks good in person. But I’m thinking that dark chocolate color is gonna look a lot better. It’s just a touch darker than what you were thinking but it makes a big difference.”

Beth took his phone. The case was faded, the screen was scratched, and she didn’t have to ask to know he’d had it forever. She imagined him dropping it on the job, wondering how many times it’d fallen out of his pocket getting in and out of his cruiser - explanations for all the scuffs and dents on the case. When she finally took the time to inspect the picture she could feel his eyes on her, waiting on a response.

“No...I, I think you’re right,” she agreed. “I think it’d match the countertops too, actually.”

“Go on, keep going. I saved a few more.”

The more pictures she went through, the more positive of the decision she became. Until finally she hit the end of painted cabinet pictures and instead scrolled to a picture of some car part, something Shane had probably taken to know what to buy at the parts store. 

“Doesn’t this make you nervous?” Beth finally asked, turning the screen off but keeping his phone in her hand. “Someone else scrolling through your gallery?”

“No. Why would it?”

“I dunno. Most people I know don’t like the idea of someone else getting their hands on their phone. They’re afraid the person might keep scrolling.”

“Scroll your heart out. If you find anything interesting in there you’ve got a dull life, lady.”

She almost told him that he was wrong. Even the pictures of nonsense would be interesting, much less the texts. Who did Shane text when he needed help with something? What apps did he download? Did he ever take a picture of something just for fun? And if he did, had it been of Rick and his family and had Shane deleted them or did he glance at them from time to time, missing the person she knew was probably still listed as his emergency contact? 

“Go on, you can keep looking if you want,” he urged, turning to face her as their eyes met.

Suddenly the phone wasn’t the most interesting thing in the room anymore. 

“So you’ve never used it to take a dick pic and send it to some poor unsuspecting woman?” Beth asked, biting her lip at the very same time Shane licked his.

His laughter told her his next words were truthful.

“Hell nah. Back in my day, we were smarter about this shit. You make ‘em want the dick before you show it to ‘em. Then they won’t care what you’re packing. Not point in comin’ out the gate with a disappointment.”

He held her eyes a beat too long before finally looking away just to give her a quick once over. And the room may have been cool but Beth felt the heat return, his gaze setting every inch of her aflame. 

“I really don’t think you gotta worry about that disappointment part,” she whispered, watching him grin.

“Well if that’s the case, gimme my phone back and I’ll send you one.”

“Might be nice to see a different type of wood tomorrow.”

They were both laughing and Beth tossed the phone back towards him, where it landed on the sheets forgotten.

“So that means you got some dirty pictures on your phone then?” Shane asked. “If everyone you know would get anxious about someone looking through it. That means you too.”

Beth smiled, gave him a weak shrug.

“You’d have to find it and see.”

“Find it, hmmm? I have a feeling it’s in those tiny little shorts you got on.”

She giggled when he made a move towards her, except his hands didn’t go anywhere near her phone. Just a quick shift of their bodies, until he’d gotten Beth onto her back and he was leaning over her, face to face, the 22 pendant he wore around his neck dangling between them.

They stared at each other for a moment, until his eyes traveled her face and parked on her lips.

“I don’t think this was the conversation we’re supposed to be having,” he finally said, stroking a hand down Beth’s face.

“No,” she agreed, her words bringing his gaze back to her eyes. “But. I think it’s the one we _want_ to be having, yeah?”

Shane didn’t answer with his words. 

Instead, his answer came when his lips claimed hers in a delicate kiss, both of them sighing as though the weight they’d been carrying all day had finally been lifted. Beth supposed it had. His next kiss came after a pause, his skilled hand tilting her chin so his tongue could slip between her lips. Immediately Beth moaned and wrapped her hands around his neck, until her fingers danced across his nape, willing him inside. 

The free hand that brushed across the tiny bud under her shirt made Beth’s nipples immediately stiffen as a whimper caught in her throat. 

His touches were feathery light but it didn’t matter. Part of her had been terrified the previous night really had been nothing more than a one-time thing, that never again would she feel him grow hard between her legs or hear his sighs when he slipped inside of her. The fear had been so great that even just the gentle rub from his thumb felt like it was rubbing elsewhere, she’d needed the reassurance that badly, and eventually she had to clench her thighs together to help relieve the ache he building with his fingers.

She knew his desire was getting the better of him too. 

Already Beth had come to learn what Shane sounded like when he was filled with need, the throaty grunts and hisses that grew in volume with his urgency. Yet he was still patient, putting her needs first. Every time he circled her nipple, to the same tune as his tongue in her mouth, Beth felt the pressure growing, so tightly wound her legs trembled.

What kind of man spent his free time double-checking paint colors and then using all his effort to push her into oblivion? Shane had never asked her for anything and all Beth wanted to do was repay the favors he was doling out to her, to make him feel as good as he made her feel. They came up for air for a moment, just long enough for Beth to catch her breath, and she stole her chance - pushing Shane until he was on his back and making quick work of straddling his thighs.

When she glanced up he was comfortable, propped against the pillows, watching her every move.

Already the erection was visible through his sweatpants. The fabric was thin, leaving almost nothing to Beth’s imagination, and it was with great pleasure she stroked a hand over his length - her palm flat and steady, pulling a moan from his lips. She did it again, refusing to neglect a single inch until he stiffened even more under her touch. The moment she gave his balls a firm squeeze she watched the wet spot appear against the gray cotton and smiled to herself. His cock twitched, he cursed out loud, but he never rushed her. 

After one last brush of her hand, Beth started removing his pants, both of them growing eager to see the article of clothing on the floor.

The first kiss was barely even a brush of her lips. Beth inhaled his scent, kissed the skin around his dick and moaned when he did. The stubble around his base was starting to grow back but Beth didn’t mind the scratch against her lips, if anything it made her linger longer, forcing his cock to raise every time she grazed his warm flesh. 

When his breathing grew shallow Beth finally took mercy on the man under her and kissed the base of his cock, working up the spit in her mouth as she licked her way towards the top. It was only then she took him into her mouth, adding just a bit of suction with each lazy bob of her head.

He tasted just as good as he smelled and Beth was patient. She wanted him to enjoy it as much as she was, even though it was only adding fuel to her own flames and making moisture collect between her legs.

But pleasing him was pleasing her too. Maybe she’d told him thanks for all of his help, but Beth wanted him to feel it, for Shane to know how very grateful she felt.

When he started to strain against her, Beth finally took him into her mouth completely, relaxing her throat to make room for his width. She felt him pulse in her mouth, his hand coming up to stroke her jaw. The taste of his first few drops of precum made her moan, wanting nothing more than to taste the entire load. Working him a little faster Beth added suction, using her free hand to work his base when her mouth wasn’t there. 

It would’ve been easy to get him all the way there - it was what she wanted at least. His warm skin was stretched tight, ripe for release, and Beth realized she was grinding against legs, willing to do anything to alleviate her own anguish too.

When his cock pulsed again in her mouth Beth thought he’d let her have it, he’d allow her the pleasure of taking care of him. Instead, when he stiffened and cursed, his hand lifted her mouth, pulling himself free.

“C’mere,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

All it took for Beth to start pulling the shirt over her head and the shorts off was a quick motion of his head, directing her to get on his lap. And Shane wasn’t the only one that could go commando. Beth hadn’t bothered with panties or a bra and it made stripping down in front of his watchful eyes all the easier.

She positioned herself on his lap and with a shaking hand, carefully guided him inside, whimpering with every inch. 

It was a stretch, it always was, and Shane moaned in appreciation once she was finally settled.

“Give me a minute,” she told him, coming chest to chest to press her forehead against his.

“Take your time.”

He planted a reassuring kiss on her lips, his large hands exploring her hips and ass, and just knowing she was in his arms again and he was inside her made the warmth flood her entire body. 

And Beth may have been aroused but Shane was a thick man and it was almost too much for how sensitive she’d become. He filled her to the brim and with the first slow rock of her hips, they both grunted. 

The air smelled of their efforts and when Beth ground against him again she could hear their bodies working together and felt herself stretch to accommodate him. There was no rush and Beth’s motions were almost lazy, both of them breathing hard with each roll of her hips. The strong shoulders she gripped were saturated in sweat and Beth dug her nails into Shane’s skin when she rocked again, never allowing him to completely leave her, staying balls deep and grinding down with as much pressure as her shaking legs could muster.

Their lips met and Shane’s hands held her tightly but still allowing Beth the freedom to control his needs. She rocked deep, moaning into his mouth, and felt the first flicker of her walls when his cock twitched and his lips trembled. She was getting there fast - her body throbbing with each grind, her clit rubbing against him in just the right spot. When she whimpered it sounded small to even to her own ears, not believing how wet she was or how badly she needed to unravel.

“Hold on, sweetheart.”

His whispered plea almost did her in. But Beth knew Shane could feel her release building, quicker than his.

“Wait,” he begged, finally rocking his hips into her, taking the lead. 

Tears sprang to her eyes, overwhelmed by the request. It was a struggle to hold on, to will herself to wait, to not give in to the throb that overwhelmed her entire body with every roll of his hips. Shane thrusted harder, his hands stroking down her back until finally his drive became more purposeful and Beth knew he was about to boil over.

Her walls were already fluttering when he pressed his lips to her sweaty forehead.

“Alright,” he moaned. “Okay.’

She rocked with him, crying out when he finally pushed her over the edge, her eyes watering as she pulsed and pulled him in deeper, his cock stiffening, spilling his load. Each pulse of her walls milked another drop until finally their hearts were pounding together and Beth had drained him dry. 

Beth couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t talk, she couldn’t move.

She stayed atop him, clinging to his chest, as his understanding hands stroked her back and he buried his lips in her hair with a few reassuring kisses. Neither moved until her body stopped shaking and her shallow breathing had regulated until the only sound in the room was from the cicadas outside. 

*****

He woke up much the same as the previous morning, except this time with an alarm going off. Beth was still wrapped around him, their skin was clinging together, but Shane’s frantic search for his phone woke her up far quicker than the last time when he’d gently eased himself from the bed. It’d gotten tangled in the sheets and blankets, both of them awake by the time Shane managed to find it and turn it off.

“Waking up before the sun should be illegal,” Beth whispered, her blue eyes opening, much quicker to spark to life than the previous morning.

“You get used to it after a while,” Shane told her. “ _You_ don’t have to wake up, anyway. Nothing is stopping you from going back to sleep.”

“Not true, I gotta beat Patricia to that coffee maker.”

“Fair point.”

They were lying face to face when Beth came in for a lazy good morning kiss, pulling away slowly just to rub a hand down Shane’s bicep, then his chest, finally settling on the necklace that he hadn’t taken off since the day he’d received it. 

“What is this?” she asked, holding it between her fingers. “I’ve never seen you without it.”

“22 was my high school football number.”

“Really? And you still wear it? Were those like...your glory days? Still holding onto ‘em?”

“No,” Shane laughed. “Not at all.”

“Then why the necklace?”

“Rick gave it to me the last game I ever played. He was always the sentimental type. Just never took it off, I guess.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” And it was. Rick would always be a sore subject but Shane knew he couldn’t avoid the man’s name for the rest of his life. “He was my best friend since we were kids, I can’t spend forever pretending those years didn’t exist.”

And perhaps he couldn’t but Beth seemed to understand that it was neither the time or the place to dig into such a meaty subject. Shane was already eating into his shower time but some things were worth sacrificing for. Beth kissed him again, both of them lingering longer than Shane could afford, but he wanted to savor waking up to company. It’d been too long.

“I’m probably gonna get back late tonight,” he said, knowing what it was he needed to do. “I gotta stop and talk to Sheriff Blake.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing.”

“It is. I told Tara I’d talk to him about moving her to days.”

“So the partner thing, you were serious about it?”

Shane just shrugged. “May as well. Shootin’ the shit with someone sure beats twiddling my thumbs for twelve hours.”

“That’s nice of you, she’ll be happy.”

“Well, she shouldn’t get too happy just yet. Blake’s a dick. He’ll probably say no just because I’m the one askin’. You don’t make too many friends when you betray your partner of twenty years.”

“Still. Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

Shane tried to remember that advice as they both finally managed to peel themselves out of bed. His usual twenty-minute shower got cut down to five and by the time he was finished, Beth was still fishing parts of her clothes out of the tangle of sheets. He was attaching his gun belt and buttoning his shirt when she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and whispered to be careful before showing herself out.

And he’d been right.

Twiddling his thumbs was growing old. He managed to go the entire day with only receiving two calls - both of which were ridiculous. One was nothing more than a possible petty theft, a missing wheelbarrow that someone had decided was worthy of dialing 911. The other had been a domestic dispute between two neighbors and Shane knew he’d hit rock bottom when a part of him had wished they’d start throwing fists instead of just cruel words simply because an arrest would eat up hours in his day. 

Afterward, he parked his cruiser under a shady tree, facing traffic, and filled out the two pointless reports on his county assigned laptop. He missed having a partner for that part too. Reports were more tedious than anything, it was just a rehashing of the events for the calls he’d left and unless it was a serious crime the files were typically saved and never seen by anyone again. At least if someone else had been in the car with him they could’ve laughed together as they typed up the nonsense they’d just witnessed. 

And Shane may have been dreading his appointment with the sheriff but the good news was that it meant he was almost done for the day. 

“Do what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” 

Shane sat across the Sheriff’s desk, his legs spread and his back aching. His radio had been turned down but even the squawking that came from it would’ve been more pleasurable than Blake’s voice.

“Came to put in a request,” Shane answered, not bothering with any sir at the end. Most deputies wouldn’t have been able to get away with the disrespect but Shane had years on the force under his belt and with it came leniency. 

In his opinion, Philip Blake was a joke. The man knew nothing about actually being on the ground, not anymore anyway, and instead devoted his time to saying whatever he needed to guarantee re-election. Every four years Shane voted for the man’s opponent but so far it hadn’t mattered. 

“For?” Blake asked. “Spit it out, I’d like to go home.”

“A partner.”

“Rick’s wife wasn’t enough? You wanna make your way through the wives of the entire force now too? While I admire your positive attitude, I have to say, Walsh, you might be a little too old to scrounge up the stamina for that job. The answer is no.”

Shane didn’t even sigh. He just blinked and went on, pretending he didn’t hear anything the man had said. His skin had grown thicker than ever in the last few months and it’d never been easy to get under in the first place.

“There’s a rookie,” Shane continued. “Tara Chambler. I want her.”

“I don’t think you’re her type.”

Again, Shane ignored the bait and pressed on.

“She wants day shifts. I looked - right now she’s with another deputy, they barely got 5 years experience between ‘em. You and I both know that’s a recipe for disaster. Pair her up with someone who knows the ropes. You wouldn’t want ‘em to fuck up, get nervous, shoot some poor schmuck that don’t deserve it. Don’t think you could talk your way outta that one in a press conference....sir. Spoil any plans to run for Governor one day.”

Finally the other man sighed and leaned back in his office chair.

“You trying to play politics with me, Walsh?”

“I play whatever game I need to get what I want.”

“As we’re all so painfully aware. Didn’t you get your last partner shot?”

Shane had blamed himself for Rick’s injury but he damned sure wouldn’t let anyone else do it. He was a good cop, he knew it, at least when it mattered, when he wasn’t just writing bullshit reports or tickets.

“Some could argue that. I didn’t see the third man but it’s hard to look for a third man when you’re told there’s only two by poorly trained dispatch. Some could also argue that had I not acted as fast as I did, if I didn’t keep pressure ‘til the slow ass EMTs showed up, he’d be dead. I may have gone home with blood on my hands but it was from keeping him alive. He’d be dead if it weren’t for me.”

As soon as the words were out, Shane realized they were true. It wasn’t just a bullshit reply, but the truth and the truth could always lift the weight off the weariest of shoulders. Shane’s were no exception. 

“You know it’ll take a few weeks, I have to juggle things around. I can’t just take her off days and not fill the spot with a body.”

“That’s fine, I’m a very patient man. Comes with experience.”

“Hmm, I’m sure,” Blake replied, clearly feeling like he’d lost a battle. “You can leave now, go home. Or wherever it is you go.”

“Thank you, have a lovely night.”

When Shane answered it didn’t sound nearly as sarcastic as he’d meant. Then again, as he left the office and headed towards his cruiser in the parking lot, his feet felt a little lighter. His phone rang and Shane smiled when her name flashed on the screen.

“What ya doing?” Beth asked when he answered.

He leaned against his car to take the call and stared down at the boots he couldn’t wait to kick off.

“Just left Blake’s office.”

“How’d it go?”

“Well...I think Tara will be pleased. Gonna take a few weeks to all come together though.”

“Either way, that’s great news.”

The smile in her voice was contagious.

“I’m actually calling because I have a favor to ask,” Beth went on. 

“Ah shit, what’d ya break now?”

“Nothing,” she laughed. “I was just wondering...it’s late. I’m tired. You’re probably tired. The kitchen is a wreck. So if I ordered some pizzas do you wanna stop by to pick them up on your way since you’re already in town?”

“I think I can manage that.”

“Good, cuz I already ordered them. Had a feelin’ you’d say yes.”

“How’s the working comin’?”

He heard her sigh and the ruffle of her moving around on the other end. It was easy to imagine Beth settling down on the couch, stretching her milky thighs out as she took a break. When she answered Shane realized he was grinning. By the sounds of it, he wasn’t the only one.

“Well. I’m not finished sanding, but I’ve made progress. Had to take more breaks than usual today though, it’s hot and my arms feel like jello.”

“Hmmm, I seem to remember it was your legs feelin’ like jello last night.”

The words were out before he could even question if he should say them but Beth never missed a beat.

“Yeah, it’s rather strange. These symptoms just keep happening, I think another episode might occur tonight.”

“That right?”

Finally, Shane glanced up to let out a laugh, a laugh that caught in his throat. 

Beth was still on the line talking but he’d gotten distracted by the figure walking towards him, just a few feet away, crossing the parking lot. At first, Shane had almost nodded in the man’s direction, a quick hello, what he’d normally do for anyone, until the blue eyes he’d recognize anywhere connected with his and Shane realized it wasn’t just anyone. 

It was Rick.

Their eyes tracked each other as Rick walked towards his own car and Shane’s smile faded. The air had changed, Shane’s mood dropped, part of him wishing he _could_ just nod to Rick like he would anyone else, that he could tell the other man about his day, that he wasn’t there to request a new partner because his old one was still by his side. When Rick passed the closest point between them Shane felt that steely blue glare, Rick making it known he’d never want any such thing, like he hated Shane simply for having caught him smiling. 

Shane missed him and he hated him at the same time. For a blissful moment he’d forgotten everything between them, forgotten that Rick and Lori refused to budge about the baby, _his_ baby. Officer Friendly wasn’t so friendly after all and Shane could really only blame himself for the change in his ex-best friend. Rick hadn’t volunteered to raise Shane’s kid but it was expected of him, especially when doing so was the only thing that could save his marriage. Shane knew that. Still, he hated it and Rick and Lori by extension. 

Rick’s car was parked only a few spaces away and Shane didn’t even remember he was still on the phone until he’d watched Rick drive off.

“Hey, you there?” Beth asked, still on the other line.

Shane looked around and caught his breath before answering.

“Yeah...yeah, I’m here, sorry.”

“Something wrong?”

He considered not telling her. Beth had enough on her shoulders, she didn’t need his mess too. But he also remembered the innuendos that had been flowing before their interruption and he wouldn’t allow her to feel bad for it.

“Rick just walked by,” Shane admitted. “I’m still at the sheriff’s office, I honestly didn’t think about him maybe being here, now that he keeps to an office.”

“Oh...shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you say anything? Did he?”

“No, unless you count the fuck you he told me with his eyes.”

“So they haven’t moved?”

“Guess not.”

“Maybe Lori’s waiting until the baby’s born. I can’t imagine that’s an easy move when you’re pregnant.”

The mention of her pregnancy shut Shane up again, until he finally got in his cruiser, started the engine, and put the AC on full blast.

“You okay?”

When he stayed silent, Beth just pressed on.

“It’s okay if you aren’t.”

“I don’t know. I miss him,” Shane confessed. “But I wouldn’t mind knocking his teeth out either. And I know he feels the same way and I deserve it. I fucked his wife and ruined his family but he gets to stake his claim on my kid.”

“I’m sorry, Shane. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

“Like shit,” Shane clarified, feeling the smallest hint of humor return. “Today was going pretty good, I really didn’t think The Sheriff would approve my request but he did.”

“Two steps forward, one step back. It’ll be okay.”

It would’ve been better to have the conversation face to face, but he had to admit having her ear was better than nothing, even if she was just sitting with him in silence for a minute before finally speaking again.

“If you want, we can skip the pizza. I know you probably don’t feel like stopping now.”

“No,” Shane answered. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Alright, well, I’ll make sure there’s some really cold Miller waiting for when you get here, deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good, see you soon.”

Shane hung up, the smile in her voice ringing in his ears.

And she hadn’t lied. The only thing colder than the Miller upon his arrival was the pizza, the long drive doing nothing to keep it fresh. Not that they minded. The harsh sun was finally going down, Shane had kicked off his boots and unbuttoned his uniform, and the couch was the perfect place to eat their old pizza and drink beer. Patricia and Hershel’s evening nurse came and went while Beth told him about the progress she’d made throughout the day. Her blonde hair was sticking up in a frizzy mess, there was dust all over her clothes, but her smile was easy and the conversation good.

Shane offered to pick up where she left off, she was too tired to continue, but Beth would have none of that. Instead, she suggested a shower and bed - preferably her bed, because the mattress was better. He could tell she was hesitant to ask. It was one thing to end up in bed together, it was another to suggest it but Shane knew his quick agreement squashed any of her uncertainty. 

The shower washed away the angst of the day, Beth’s hands helped speed the process along. In a room filled with steam, their hands grew curious, massaging sore muscles and lingering on others that threatened to stiffen. When the hot water threatened to give out Beth kicked him out with a giggle so she could condition her hair and Shane passed out in the bed that smelled like her, still wet, in only a pair of boxer briefs. He was faintly aware when the weight of her body joined him, he was already lost to sleep, but he still managed to press his chest against her back and wrap his arms around her small frame. 

It wasn’t until the middle of the night they began to stir. 

The room was pitch black when their bodies tangled together, using only their sense of touch and sound to guide the way. Face to face, he stroked her in all the right places, until her leg wrapped around his waist and he slid into her on a sigh. They were barely awake when Beth claimed his mouth, their bodies swaying together, and Shane could feel her growing wetter with each lazy roll of his hips, until the scent and sound of her arousal filled the room. When Beth’s need began to ache around his tight flesh, Shane would back off again, waiting, but never pulling out. Finally, when she whimpered and whispered a quiet please against his lips, Shane rolled them both over the edge, until the flickers of her walls pulled him in deeper and he emptied himself with a moan. With a quiet shushing, Shane guided her through her climax, until the leg around his thigh relaxed and they both were lulled into sleep as he softened inside her.


	7. Chapter 7

The next week breezed by, even if the pace of Beth’s work slowed. The farm had never been short on chores that needed doing and Beth was finally allowing herself the chance to pause and take care of more than just the renovations. They accomplished more when Shane wasn’t at work, as they always had, both pushing to keep up with the other. Some things never changed. Still, they were learning to take breaks.

A few times they hit the jackpot and a thunderstorm would roll in during the evening hours, blessing everyone with a few hours of relief from the heat. Beth would make them both a glass of tea and they’d take it outside to sip and watch nature’s show until the storm passed and they were both still rocking and slapping mosquitoes. She’d tell him stories about growing up on the farm or things she’d learned at school and working with her father, and he’d always ask the right questions. In return, she listened to his stories, some of which happened before she was even born, not that it seemed to matter to either of them. Eventually, they’d both quiet down and Beth would glance over at his strong forearm, unable to keep herself from tracing a finger or two over the muscles, until his hand claimed hers and their fingers intertwined, rocking in comfortable silence.

Beth never pulled away and neither did Shane. Not even when a neighbor stopped by with a pie or when Gabriel visited to pray over Hershel and ask Shane’s advice about some repairs at the church. Instead, Shane stayed put while the two men troubleshot together, until Gabriel had what he needed and went on his way. If the visitors had anything to say they kept it to themselves and there were plenty of people who had a chance. It seemed as though the steady stream of visitors that wanted to pay their last respects, though they wouldn’t admit that was what they were doing, was slowly increasing like they all knew it surely couldn’t be much longer.

Still, Beth couldn’t find it in herself to rush their projects anymore. 

Seven days into the cabinets, the last coat of paint was on and all that was left was putting it all back together again and cleaning up. Instead, Beth found herself folding laundry in the living room. It was pushing 7 pm, Shane would be home very soon, and Patricia and Denise were just finishing the last check on Hershel for the night. 

“I’m surprised you ain’t in there breaking your back,” Patricia said, the two women coming downstairs from Hershel’s bedroom. “After all of this, you should be in the best shape of your life.”

Beth did feel like she was in the best shape of her life and it wasn’t from working hard all day but from all the sweating at night, when Shane’s name was rolling off her lips and her thighs wrapped around his hips. Of course, she kept that to herself.

“Taking a little break,” she answered instead.

“By the looks of it, you two have to be almost finished.”

It was Denise that commented and Beth couldn’t help it, she smiled with pride. Maybe she could rest her sore muscles but she could also still talk at length about what they’d accomplished.

“We are,” Beth confirmed. “Probably tomorrow. Maybe even tonight if we worked really hard.”

“You’ve gotta be relieved,” Denise continued. “That was a hell of a project.”

“It was. But now that it’s coming together? Definitely worth it.”

“What’s next on the list?”

Patricia spoke that time, both her and Denise sitting down on the couch next to Beth as she sorted her tank tops and shorts, cursing herself for waiting so long to do laundry. It would probably take longer than the cabinets.

“Haven’t decided yet.”

“Either way, potential buyers will appreciate all the hard work,” Denise told her. 

Beth hesitated before answering, staring down at the clothes in her hands. She tried to imagine a prospective buyer walking through her kitchen as a realtor explained how the previous residents had did all the cabinet work with their own two hands. Not just the cabinets but every other little thing Beth and Shane had spent days sweating to fix. They wouldn’t appreciate that Shane had spent extra time pouring over paint colors or that Beth had returned three times to the hardware store just to make sure they had exactly the right paintbrushes for the job. They’d nod, smile, and probably make plans to destroy it all at a later date, maybe right after closing, for something more modern.

“No,” Beth answered, finally glancing towards her friends. “No, they won’t.”

“Sorry?” Patricia asked.

“Potential buyers won’t appreciate the hard work,” Beth continued, smiling when she realized what she was about to say. Maybe she’d just decided or maybe she’d known all along. Maybe it was to blame for her recent ability to slow down. Whatever it was, her next words were honest. “Because there won't be any potential buyers. I’m not selling, I’m keeping the farm.”

“You’re serious?” Denise asked, grinning almost as wide as Beth.

“Yeah,” Beth nodded. “There’s no way I can sell this place now. Not after all the work I’m putting into it. It was stupid to even consider. I don’t wanna live in Atlanta, stuffed into a two-bedroom apartment with Maggie.”

“Have you told her this yet?”

Beth turned to Patricia and shook her head.

“No. Not yet. But I will. I think I’m gonna offer to sell the land we don’t use, she can take the money. I’ll take the house. It’s a pretty fair trade. She’ll kick up a fuss, but she’ll deal.”

“What about Shane, you tell him?”

“Nope,” Beth answered. 

She knew he’d be happy for her. Hell, she was happy for herself. By seven o’clock any energy she possessed had usually been zapped away by the oppressive heat but Beth bounced a little in her seat, ready to stake her claim on the house that had always been meant to belong to her. Relief from no longer having to face giving it away helped too. It made Patricia’s next question easier, Beth actually laughing instead blushing.

“Well, have you at least told the poor man he’s missing his underpants?” Patricia asked, holding up a pair of Shane’s boxer briefs that had been sitting on the top of Beth’s laundry pile.

The other two women cackled and Beth snatched them from Patricia’s hand, folding them quickly and burying them under her shorts.

“I’m pretty sure he knows,” Beth answered, trying not to say anything more. It was a good attempt, but a failed one.

“So you two…” Denise said. “I mean, I don’t mean to pry. But I’ve just been wondering. I’ve seen a few things that made me question...”

“What things?” Beth asked, tilting her head in amusement.

“I don’t know. I mean, when I used to come in the mornings, he was always walking over from his place too. But now he’s already here, usually half-naked. And I don’t know...it was never my place to ask as Hershel’s help if you were-”

“Honey, you aren’t just help. You’re a friend,” Patricia interrupted. “And yes, yes they are.”

“So you two are dating?” Denise questioned, looking to Beth to confirm it.

Beth opened her mouth to answer but immediately closed it again. The word dating just didn’t fit but she knew they were expecting some sort of answer, some type of confirmation. _Dating_ felt too formal and all wrong. Beth had never waited eagerly for him to ask her out, there’d been no awkward first dates over dinner where they told each other senseless random facts. She’d never had to sweat to see if he’d call her again or questioned what she should wear. But it also was still so new, so very fresh, whatever it was. They’d simply fallen into each other and how did she explain that?

“It’s just...it is what it is,” Beth finally answered, knowing it wasn’t much to go on. But at least it was truthful.

“Well, whatever it is...please tell us it’s good,” Patricia begged. “Ain’t no use in having a handyman if those hands aren’t skilled in other areas.”

“Patricia!” 

“Oh trust me,” the older woman went on, ignoring Beth’s objection. “There wasn’t nothing my Otis couldn’t do except, sadly, get me-”

“Okay,” Beth said. “We get it. Please.”

Beth wanted nothing more than for Patricia to quiet down. She’d never been so tempted to drink some bleach to cleanse her mind of the images permanently seared into her brain.

“Well, when you get a chance you have to tell him thanks, from me and Tara,” Denise said, clearly sensing the need for a topic change. “Once she starts I’ll actually be able to see my girlfriend when I get home. No more of this waking up when she’s going to bed stuff.”

“I will,” Beth assured her. “I think he’s happy to be getting a partner again, to be honest.”

“Tara’s nervous. That guy she’s with now? He doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. Which I hate - I don’t trust him out there with her. But I think she’s afraid she’s gonna make a fool of herself in front of someone so experienced.”

“She won’t,” Beth promised. “I mean...she might.” 

They both laughed but Beth forged ahead, knowing from experience how true her next words were.

“Even if she does, Shane’s a great teacher. I mean he’s blunt as hell and that smart-ass mouth is sharp but he won’t make her feel foolish. Except...once he knows she can take it, anyway.”

As soon as she was finished speaking the front door opened and he walked inside, wearing the expression of a man who knew he was being talked about. The three heads that immediately turned to look at him didn’t help matters.

Denise and Patricia stood up as he approached, Patricia offering to walk Denise to her car, intentionally leaving them alone.

“Y’all gossipin’?” 

“Maybe,” Beth answered him, biting down on her bottom lip before smiling. “Nothing bad.”

“That right? Cuz y’all look guilty as shit.”

He was joking, in a good mood, but Beth still held back on telling him about her decision over the house. She’d tell him when the time was right, not the moment he walked through the door. 

The laundry was still calling her name and Beth returned to folding it, surprised when Shane picked up a shirt to help speed the process along.

“I didn’t realize you were so domesticated,” she told him when he pulled a pair of jeans from the basket next.

“What? You think my mama’s been ironing my uniforms this whole time?”

“No. But speaking of which, you should probably take it off,” she told him.

“Already? Patricia might catch-”

“Not what I meant. But the kitchen...we could finish it tonight if we really wanted. I mean, after you take a moment anyway, we don’t have to right this second.”

“The hell you mean? Let’s do it,” he answered, tossing the jeans back in the laundry basket and unsnapping his gun belt. “I don’t work tomorrow anyway.”

“You’re serious? We could be up all night.”

“That’s fine. You wanted your cabinets, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then c’mon, girl.”

When he reached his hand out to help her off the couch, Beth took it, feeling giddy at the thought of completion. 

*****

It didn’t take all night. Just until 2 am. The work was far less tedious when the sun was down and Shane didn’t sweat nearly as much but he did drink his weight in coffee, as did Beth. She’d hold a door in place while he screwed in the hinges, until every last drawer, handle, and knob had been placed. When they weren’t doing that their focus was on putting everything back in the cabinets, Beth rearranging it all to suit her own needs, until the kitchen table and counters were cleared off. Shane had wanted Beth to stop and admire her handy work but she kept going, insisting they clean away any dust from the sanding, even pulling out the broom and taking the protective plastic wrap to the garbage.

Her energy was contagious and Shane blamed the massive amounts of caffeine. 

Shane took it upon himself to start mopping. He knew it was the final touch, to erase away all the prints from his boots and her Converse. Beth didn’t have to say it but Shane knew she wanted to wake up the next day to a sparkling, brand new kitchen that was in perfect order. He made quick work of mopping them both into a spot by the kitchen table, where they leaned and stared at the finished product.

“Well?” Shane asked.

“Well, it looks amazing. I feel bad keeping us up so late though.”

She hadn’t needed to answer, Shane could tell by her smile that she was excited. It was the grin she was known for, her blue eyes aflame with life - worth every hour of missed sleep.

“It was worth it,” he told her, meaning every word.

“I still feel bad.”

“Don’t. Look at it this way - it’ll be a nice story to tell one day. How you stayed up all night to finally get your kitchen, until it was 3 am and you were mopped into a corner and grinning like a fool.”

As soon as he said it, Shane realized his mistake. It wasn’t _her_ kitchen. At least, it wouldn’t be for long if she forged ahead with her plan. The story wouldn’t sound nearly as good in Atlanta. 

“Sorry, I didn’t-”

“It’s fine,” she said, turning to face him and cutting him off. 

“I wasn’t thinkin’. I know you’re looking at this and it probably hurts like a bitch knowing you gotta give it all away.”

“Nope,” Beth answered, shaking her head.

Why the hell was she still smiling? Delirium? Shane grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, giving her hips a gentle squeeze of assurance.

“I’m not sad,” she went on, meeting his eyes. “Because I’m not giving it away.”

“Sorry, _selling_.”

“No.” That time she giggled and before Shane could ask, she went on, relieving Shane of a weight he hadn’t realized had even been on his shoulders. “I’m not selling this house, Shane. I can’t, there’s no way. Not after all-”

He kissed her before she could even finish the sentence. Long, deep, until they were forehead to forehead and she sighed against him.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah. I’m positive. Maggie can pry it from my cold dead fingers but I don’t think it’ll come to that.”

Shane breathed her in, until the fragrance of her shampoo was more overpowering than the scent of the Pine-Sol he’d used on the floor, until he had his fill, until he remembered he didn’t need to save it to memory because she wouldn’t be going anywhere. He kissed her lips again, her cheek, her forehead. Judging by how tightly she clung to his belt loops the burn of his stubble on her soft skin was no bother.

“I’m happy for you,” he whispered.

“Thank you.”

“Makes all my work worth it.”

“Our work,” Beth corrected, both of them laughing when she jabbed him in the side. “I just...I couldn’t sell it after everything we’ve done. It’s mine.”

She pulled away just enough to marvel at her completed kitchen and as Shane watched her beam with pride, it made him do the same. Maybe it was pushing 3 am, maybe they did need to go to bed before the sun came up but Shane couldn’t resist - he brushed a few blonde strands of her hair away, planting a smooth kiss on her neck, then another, until he felt a shiver go down her body.  
“You know what you have to do now?” he asked, pausing between each kiss to complete his thought.

“Hmm?”

“You gotta christen it.”

The next kiss he planted was right in the crook of her neck, the soft plain of flesh where he could feel her pulse quicken with his tongue.

“But it’s so late,” she mumbled, but her body whistled a different tune. She pulled him tighter, applying pressure right below Shane’s belt buckle. “I’d hate to work you so hard, so late.”

“I think I can manage.”

“You up for the job, you’re sure?”

He sucked her skin, both of them inhaling sharply when Beth’s hands wrapped around his neck to draw him closer. Shane’s grip ventured to her tiny waist and held her there, feeling himself grow stiff against her denim shorts. 

“I’m up,” he grunted. “Ain’t that old yet.”

“Mmm, prove it then, old man.”

He’d never been one to turn down a challenge.

Backing her up against the table, Shane pressed against her, straining to add as much pressure as possible, forcing a gasp from between her lips. It was loud - too loud, given the hour, and he was quick to shush her, his hands coming to claim her ass until her legs wrapped around his waist and he lifted her from the floor in one easy motion, sitting her ass back down onto the ledge. 

The thighs stayed wrapped around him, Beth’s ankles crossed tightly behind his ass after kicking off her sneakers. When he claimed her mouth again, Beth whimpered, parting her lips to allow his tongue to slip in, deepening the kiss. The uniform khakis were still on, growing uncomfortably tight, causing Shane to grind against her center, allowing Beth to feel how very up for the job he was. She clutched onto his shoulders as her legs tightened, egging him on, until the wooden table began to creak, objecting to the weight.

In no time at all Beth was reaching between their bodies, an eager hand already unbuttoning her shorts. Shane let out a chuckle as he helped her lift her ass up, just long enough to work the shorts down her legs, until he was once again between her thighs.

“Wait,” she whispered, moaning as Shane ran his hands over the newly exposed flesh. “What about...”

Her hands were going for the panties until Shane yanked her away, planting a rough kiss against her lips.

“Nah, those stay on.”

“Really? You got a kink I don’t know about?”

“Mmmm, just making it easier for ya when we get caught.”

“Mhmm, I’m sure.”

Now that she was free of her shorts Shane could smell her arousal, hear it too, when he ran a quick hand over her panties. His cock twitched as he stroked her again, and again, until he felt the legs around him tremble.

With one hand he stroked over her swollen lips, with the other he pulled away just enough to unfasten his belt buckle, until he could inch his pants down his ass and free his aching cock. Shane gave himself a stroke too, his nuts clenching, ready to unload.

She was already perched on the ledge, ready to go, and in no time at all Shane had her underwear pushed to the side, just enough to slide into her, hard, burying himself, both their moans echoing out. She was wet and slick, everything he needed, and Shane had to take a moment to catch his breath before he thrusted again. Every roll of his hips was brutal and fast, each one pushing Beth back until finally, Shane grabbed her under her knees, his hands gripping the sweaty flesh to keep her in place and spread open for him.

When his name rolled off her tongue, Shane met her gaze, his smile gentle despite the harsh pump of his hips. She held his eyes, meeting him thrust for thrust, their bodies working together when he felt that first flicker of her walls. He was closing in too, approaching that peak, every thrust making him grunt as Beth watched, neither of them ever breaking eye contact.

When her fluttering walls gripped him tighter Shane gave it his all, his muscles tight, until Beth had to balance herself on the palms of her hands to steady them both. 

Not until he got her there, right on the edge, did Beth shut her eyes as she reached the breaking point. Her climax ignited his too. Shane grinded into her a few more times for safe measure, never pulling out, so as to not spill a single drop on the surface typically reserved for meals.

By the time all was said and done they were a sweaty mess of tangled limbs, Shane still standing there with his boots on and his ass out.

“Remind me to eat at the counter tomorrow,” Beth finally said as her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him in place until they were both steady enough to move. “Or at least clean it up before we go to bed.”

“No,” Shane begged, resting his sweaty forehead against her shoulder. “No more cleaning. Just bed.”

“Just bed? I thought you were up for the job,” Beth teased.

“I did my job, Sergeant.”

He kissed her shoulder when she stroked his back, both of them swaying for a beat longer before finally pulling away as Shane righted himself.

It wasn’t until they’d climb the stairs and collapsed into her bed that he realized they’d left her shorts somewhere on the kitchen floor.

*****

It was another late start when they woke up, closer to noon than morning. While Shane showered Beth crept downstairs, just to make sure she hadn’t dreamed up the night before. But no, her cabinets really were complete and it made even the coldest of Patricia’s coffee taste good. She drank it over the kitchen sink, grinning like a fool, taking a quick picture with her phone to send to Maggie later. It’d be a good lead-in for the conversation that needed to happen once Beth was ready.

By lunchtime, everyone’s stomachs were growling. Patricia suggested a nice home-cooked meal to break everything in but Beth wasn’t ready to already mess it all up. Not when they’d spent hours perfecting it. When Shane suggested steaks on the grill it was easy to agree. 

Beth volunteered to drive into town for the meat, she knew Shane was probably tired of the drive after work, and in no time at all, she was speeding down the highway with the windows down and the radio blasting.

Her brain was full of ideas as the miles passed by. Maybe they’d work on her daddy’s old office next, she was ready to get her cash flowing. But it wouldn’t cover everything and she knew supplementing with a few days a week at a veterinarian's office in town would be best in the long run. A lot of times her father had bartered with folks who brought him a sick animal and while it’d be nice to trade some care for lawn work Beth knew it wouldn’t be enough, not if she wanted to keep up the renovations, especially getting some central air. 

At the market, she parked her daddy’s truck under a shady tree and killed the engine, distracted by what ingredients she wanted for their salad. The tomatoes would never be as fresh as the ones they used to grow but they’d do and Beth was craving something cold and juicy. Maybe a red onion too, a little kick would be nice. She unpeeled her sweaty thighs from the vinyl seats as she got out, wiggling the handle twice to make sure the door was truly shut. The truck still ran like a dream but it was getting cranky in its old age.

It was while her back was turned she heard her name being called, at least she thought it was her name.

“Beth?”

The second time she was positive but she couldn’t quite place the voice until she turned around to face him.

Rick Grimes.


	8. Chapter 8

What was she supposed to say to him? Beth froze in place, her keys still in hand as the sun beat down on her shoulders. If recognizing his voice had been difficult, it was nothing at all compared to the confusion she felt when they finally locked eyes. The Rick Grimes that Beth knew was always clean-shaven, his blue eyes bright, hair kept short, above the collar, what deputies were required to keep - a fact Shane had told her. She was positive she’d never seen him without a smile. After being away at college for a few years Beth had grown somewhat accustomed to coming home in the summers and seeing how everyone had changed, but even that didn’t quite explain the man in front of her.

Rick’s beard was graying, his hair was long enough to see the beginnings of curls she’d never even know he even had, and the smile looked like it was taking more effort to hold than the cardboard boxes that were tucked under his arm. What could age a person so quickly? Beth regretted the thought because the answer stole the air from her lungs - Shane.

“Hey,” she finally managed to get out.

“Hey,” he nodded. “I was just walking by, seen you get out of your daddy’s truck. Thought I’d…”

Beth just nodded, both of them standing there awkwardly. There was no reason she shouldn’t be cordial to him, Rick had done nothing to her or her to him, he’d always greeted her and her family with a smile, yet it still felt off.

“I’m sorry about your dad, by the way,” he went on. “I know me and Lori haven’t reached out or anything but-”

“It’s fine,” Beth assured him. “I understand.”

The silence after her statement was awkward and Beth wondered if she’d too much. Was she supposed to know about his and Lori’s struggles? Did he know Shane would’ve told her? The town was small and it talked but Beth had never been good at gossip and being able to remember what was an open secret and okay to acknowledge in public, versus what was a well-kept secret and only to be whispered about behind closed doors.

“Well, he was a good man. I’m sorry, he _is_. I-”

“It’s fine. I know what you meant. And thank you.”

When he failed to either speak or move Beth realized she wouldn’t get off the hook so easily.

“Still packing up, I see,” she said, motioning towards the boxes with her head. 

“Yeah. This is the last of it, actually. Had to wrangle up a few more for the things we needed to keep out but we’ll be heading out tomorrow as soon as the sun’s up.”

She couldn’t reason why but her stomach turned. Rick had always been important to their close-knit community and he’d’ be missed but Beth knew it was more than that. It was Shane...and the baby he so sorely wanted. When the sun rose on the next day, Lori Grimes would be leaving the state, taking any chance Shane had of meeting his daughter with her. Beth’s father had raised her to be polite but her loyalties were torn - did she wish Rick well? Did she tell him good luck? 

“Well, drive safe,” she settled for instead, just wishing the conversation would end.

And for one beautiful moment, she thought it would. Rick shuffled his boots - what was it with men and their boots? But instead of stepping away he only stepped closer, his voice dropping, growing more serious.

“Shane’s still at your place?” he asked.

Lying crossed her mind. But it would’ve been pointless. Of course, Rick knew. 

“Yeah.”

When he took yet another step closer, Beth felt her defenses go up, preparing herself for his next words. 

“Beth, just...just be careful, okay?”

“Why?” she asked, knowing damn well what he meant. But how far would he go?

Rick glanced down for a moment, repositioning the boxes awkwardly. Beth knew he was thinking of how to phrase it. Hershel had always referred to him as a thoughtful man and Beth knew whatever came out of his mouth, he’d mean every word of it.

“Look, I know right now he seems like the best friend you could ever have. More, actually.” 

When he looked off towards the side just to huff at the idea, Beth realized how very well informed Rick had become. She felt her cheeks flush at the realization, made even worse when he softened his voice and continued on, like he needed to soften the blow because he knew Shane wasn’t just in her house, but her bed too.

“I know you feel like no one would ever have your back like he does, right? You’d trust him with your most intimate moments, with your life...or in my case, your wife.”

It was at that moment she started to hate Rick. What he was saying would’ve made her squirm no matter the situation, but it was made worse because he clearly knew what Shane had become to her. But her discomfort seemed to matter little to the man in front of her, whoever this man was, it wasn’t the Rick she knew. And knowing Shane had attributed to it, that there was even an ounce of truth to Rick’s words just made her hate him more.

“I knew that man my whole life. For decades, since we were kids. He was every bit my brother, thicker than blood. And hell, maybe he doesn’t even mean to do what he does but Shane just ruins things.”

“No-”, she tried to interrupt but it was pointless. Did Rick notice the keys in her hand had started to jingle, did he realize her hands were shaking?

“Beth, I’m just tryin’ to look out for you. I know your sister’s gone and your dad, well-”

“No.”   
She said it louder than she meant, dropping her voice afterward in case of any curious ears walking by. 

“No Rick, you don’t get to pretend this is some noble crusade and you’re looking out for me when my dad can’t.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I’ve just..I’ve been where you are. A year ago I would’ve stood here and defended him just the same. I’m just trying to warn you-”

“I don’t want it,” Beth told him, her anger rising. “I don’t want your warnings and I don’t need them. Shane isn’t-”

“But he is.”

Her heart was pounding in her chest but she barely noticed. All she could focus on was the hatred in Rick’s steely blue eyes, his jaws clenched- a broken man that had once been beautiful. 

They both stood frozen, neither of them daring to speak, a stalemate if there ever was one. Just as Beth started to believe he’d talked himself out, he spoke again, his words trying to cut deep but Beth refused to bleed.

“He’ll hurt you. It’s what he’s good at.”

“So that’s it, huh?” she asked. “This is how it’s gonna be? You smear his name to anyone he speaks to because you’re hurting, yet all the while you get to ride off into the sunset as the good guy, right?”

“I didn’t do this.”

“No,” Beth agreed, shaking her head. “You didn’t. But don’t act like your hands are clean.”

When he just stared at her, Beth went on, suddenly hating herself too. She had no right to say it, but it needed to be said, and he wasn’t the only one that could cross lines.

“That’s not your baby, Rick.”

She was watching him the moment he froze, when his temples throbbed and he opened his mouth just to shut it again, when his eyes went from anger to hurt.

“What will you two do when she’s born and she wants to know why she doesn’t have your blue eyes? Or why her nose doesn’t match anyone else in the family photos or her blunt mouth either, for that matter? What about when she’s eight and Carl finally lets the family secret slip? Or were you gonna tell her the truth all along? Will you follow it with a lie? Tell her that her daddy didn’t want her? That you were the noble man that stepped in to raise her, that-”

“Enough.”

He spit the word out and Beth knew she’d pushed too hard but taking out her anger felt good and she couldn’t stop.

“You know he doesn’t deserve this. He fucked up once. He ruined your family and now you’re doing it to him. Will you tell that little girl that? You think she’ll understand?”

Finally, he took a few steps back, refusing to meet her gaze. Beth was positive she’d never felt more vindicated but with it came shame, shame at talking about things that were far too complicated to pin on one man - as she’d just done. 

When Rick finally did look towards her, Beth could see the tears in his empty eyes and his mouth struggling to form words. Was that how he’d looked when he found out his best friend had been screwing his wife too? And had Shane felt as small as Beth or had he simply ran and hid at the farm? Beth hated herself for the thought but even more she despised herself for reaching for the handle of the truck and stumbling inside before Rick could say another word.

The groceries were forgotten, just like her appetite, and the ride home was much slower than the journey there had been. 

As she pulled down the dirt road leading to the farm, Beth felt worse instead of better. Time had done nothing to ease her anxiety or racing heart though she had managed to fight back tears - a small accomplishment. If she was sad, she cried. If she was mad, just the same. Anxious, happy...too much of anything always made the tears come and Beth hated it about herself. When she walked towards the front door, she assured herself at least it was something, at least no one inside would see, maybe she could take a deep breath and pretend she’d never made a fool out of both herself, and Rick.

“Beth honey, where’s the groceries?”

She had the screen door halfway open when Patricia spoke. Beth hadn’t even noticed the other woman sitting in the rocker as she’d approached the door nor had she even thought of the food she was supposed to be bringing home.

“I...I didn’t get anything,” she answered, taking a few slow steps until she lowered her body into the chair next to Patricia.

“What’s wrong? You forget your wallet?”

Beth almost smiled - almost. If only it were that easy.

“No.”

“Well, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Beth had seen a ghost. The ghost of Rick Grimes - murdered by his best friend. 

“Where’s Shane?” Beth asked.

“Last I saw him he was out back cleaning that old grill up. Now tell me what’s wrong, you don’t look well.”

With a sigh, Beth finally spoke. She knew she couldn’t keep it to herself nor did she want to, not really.

“I ran into Rick in the parking lot at the store before I could even make it inside.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Yeah. And God, he looked so...sad. Just sad. I turned around expecting to see Rick, you know? Even though I had no idea what I’d say to him.”

“Well, what did you say?”

“Nothing at first, he said hello. I said hello. He said he was sorry about Daddy, I told him to drive safe tomorrow,” she actually laughed at how absurd it sounded. “I didn’t know what else to say about them leaving.”

“That’s not so bad.”

“He tried to warn me about Shane, Patricia.”

“Maybe you just read him wrong.”

“No, I mean he literally tried to warn me about Shane. Those were his exact words, multiple times. He got all close and serious and he just kept telling me to be careful and I...I said the worst things back to him.”

“You probably felt defensive, you were caught off guard and defending someone you care about. Who wouldn’t? Rick shouldn’t have approached you like that, it’s not his place.”

“Patricia...I told him that baby wasn’t his.”

“You ain’t telling the man anything he didn’t already know.”

Finally, Beth glanced at her friend and shook her head. 

“No. I was cruel, I said things that weren’t my place to say. And...he’s just hurt. Maybe he was out of line and I know I don’t need his warnings but, he’s just a broken man. And I made it ten times worse. I pretty much accused him of being just as bad as Shane. Rick’s just trying to pick up the pieces and do what’s right after what happened to him - after Shane happened to him.”

“Ah," Patricia said with a knowing sigh. "I see now what this is about.”

Beth didn’t need to ask what Patricia meant, she’d hear it soon enough. Not that she was even sure she wanted to. 

“You’re afraid Rick’s right.”

“No.” The objection passed her lips so quickly Beth knew it was true, a small part of her relaxing as she went on. “I know Shane didn’t mean to hurt Rick. I know he hates himself for it more than anyone else ever could. And I don’t think I need to be cautioned against him, at all, really.”

“But?” Patricia asked, nodding her head along, willing the word’s from Beth’s mouth. “There’s definitely a but coming.”

“But, I don’t know. I’ve heard about what Shane did - straight from the horse’s mouth, mind you. But it’s hard to connect the Shane I know as the person that...did that. Who screws their best friend’s wife?”

“People make mistakes.”

“He’s a homewrecker.”

Tears sprang to her eyes the moment she’d spoken the word aloud. Beth hated the label and she knew it would’ve hurt Shane. But it didn’t make it any less true.

“He is,” Patricia agreed. “And if you choose to be with him, that run-in with Rick will be the first of many. Small towns move on to new gossip but they never forget. Women in church will whisper, your friends will judge him and you by extension. And if they don’t hate you, they’ll pity you, because they’ll think he strays from you too. His mess will be yours.”

“I know he’s better than that.”

“Beth, good men do bad things sometimes. You gotta make peace with it and look forward, not back.”

Beth just snorted. It sounded ridiculous.

“Really? Name a good man you know who screwed his best friend’s wife.”

At first she thought Patricia hadn’t heard her. The older woman grew quiet and just rocked, staring out into the fields. But judging by that distant look in her eyes, Beth knew Patricia was crafting the perfect reply. She almost pushed, almost asked again, Beth’s curiosity was getting the best of her. 

And curiosity always did kill cats.

“Do you remember me always saying that your daddy saw a little bit of himself in Shane?”

“You said it once and I-”

Did Beth’s heart stop beating or had it simply dropped into her gut? Her mouth snapped shut, she stopped rocking, and she was positive her ears were ringing.

“Well, there you are. That’s the name of a man I know. Hershel Greene," Patricia replied, her voice full of apology.

“No.” For the second time that day, Beth found herself blindly objecting to the person beside her. Surely Patricia was mistaken or she was hinting at something else, maybe Beth was understanding her wrong. “Daddy wouldn’t-”

“He did, sweetie,” Patricia told her, using the same soft voice Rick had used. “And trust me, I would know.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Beth spat back. “Whoever told you that is lying.”

“Beth-”

“Daddy took his bible seriously, Patricia. He wouldn’t have.”

“And why do you think that is? Ain’t nothing that will push a southerner towards Jesus quite like guilt. Now, him and Otis may not have been quite as close Rick and Shane but, you get the idea.”

Beth’s heart had finally started to beat again, hard, all the blood pounding to her face to make her cheeks redden with anger. 

“It was you?”

“It was,” Patricia admitted frankly, like the years had eroded away the shame.

The day felt like it’d been going on for hours but the sun was still high in the sky, making Beth sweat, although maybe the lack of oxygen contributed too. She tried to imagine the man upstairs doing what Patricia claimed had happened and her mind just went blank, refusing to believe it. She’d still been wetting the bed at night when her mother had passed away, Beth barely remembered her, but she couldn’t believe anyone would’ve hurt that woman. She’d had blue eyes, just like Beth’s...just like Rick’s too. And imagining them full of the same pain as his made the tears Beth had been blinking back finally come.

“Did my mom know?” she demanded, not caring anymore that she was yelling at a woman twice her age.

“No. No one ever found out. Maybe we were lucky that way.”

“Lucky?” Beth couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Sweetie, I know it’s a lot to swallow. But things weren’t the same back then. People married out of duty. I learned to love Otis but it wasn’t…” she never finished the thought, just powered on, telling Beth more things she never wanted to hear. “And you and Maggie were late in life babies, you know that. They struggled to conceive and that does things to a marriage. We weren’t proud of it.”

Beth thought about all the times she’d checked in on her dad to see Patricia passed out next to him or reading him romance novels. Had Patricia wished those stories were about him and her?

It felt like there was a brick sitting on Beth's chest and the Georgia humidity wasn’t helping matters. She felt like she would’ve clung to anything to steady her world again, was that how Rick had felt? 

“Does Maggie know?” she asked, finally lowering her voice. 

The fight was going out of her, replaced by grief. Grief over losing the vision she’d always had of her father. Beth knew she’d never look at him the same way again, no matter how ailing he was. 

“No one knew, Beth. Until you.”

“Then why are you telling me? Now? While he’s about to die?”

“I just thought it’d help,” Patricia sighed, realizing her mistake too late. “You can’t say your daddy wasn’t a great father, Beth. Or that he wasn’t a good man. He made some mistakes but if you’d never known about it you never would’ve been able to tell. I thought it might give you some clarity.”

“Well, it didn’t,” Beth said, standing up to get away. She couldn’t stand to look at Patricia any longer. “You know though? I think Rick might be onto something. Maybe it is for the best that daughters never learn the truth about their fathers.”

Before Patricia could reply Beth had already gone inside, letting the door slam behind her.

*****

The sun was scorching Shane’s arms but the cold beer took the edge off. Judging by the state of their grill he was positive no one at the Greene farm had cooked out since Beth had been in high school but he’d worked tirelessly anyway, until it was sparkling clean and in working order. He could handle grill problems, he was used to it. No matter how many times he’d given Rick advice, the other man had never listened, and more often than not Shane had found himself in their backyard every other weekend repairing the damage that Rick’s negligence had caused. The memory stung but Shane’s chilly Miller took the edge off that too.

The alcohol hit an already grumbling stomach hard and after making sure the propane tank had fuel, Shane headed inside, positive Beth should’ve returned. 

“If you’ve got the meat, I got the heat,” he said, finding her staring out the kitchen window with her back towards him. 

The loud burp that followed his statement wasn’t his most charming moment, but still, he walked over and placed his hands on Beth’s hips, placing a quick kiss on her shoulder.

When he felt her body tense Shane assumed he’d spooked her and kissed her again.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “The grill’s ready though, whenever you are.”

Shane heard the sniffle before she turned around, still tense. Beth’s eyes were red and watery, her cheeks blotchy, and Shane didn’t need a badge to know something was wrong. But he could certainly thank it for not panicking.

“What’s the matter?” 

“There’s...there’s no dinner.”

“Okay, that’s okay,” he assured her, knowing that wasn’t the reason behind her tears. “Beth, look at me.”

He didn’t go on again until she’d met his eyes and nodded along with him, but her body was still frozen, completely unresponsive to his gentle hands.

“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked, making sure her eyes stayed on him. “That’s all you gotta do, okay? Just tell me.”

Finally, he saw it - the moment the life came back to her eyes, when she wasn’t just looking at him but seeing him, yet her body still refused to yield to his.

Shane expected her to say something about Hershel. He knew he hadn’t been outside for long but maybe he’d missed something, maybe she’d gotten a bad report from Denise. Maybe her sister had called with bad news. Hell, maybe she ran over a cat on her way to town. He’d seen people cry over less. But her next words were nothing at all what he’d expected though it explained why she removed his hands from her hips, forcing space between them.

“I ran into Rick at the store,” she answered, her voice cracking. 

“Oh.” It was all Shane could manage to say before he had to force his lungs to take a deep breath, preparing himself for a big blow.

“We talked.”

“Okay, you talked.”

It was Shane’s turn to remind himself to nod and focus, trying to push away the creeping feeling of dread he knew all too well, especially when Beth crossed her arms over her chest, closing in on herself.

“Shane, he’s just so...broken.”

“He is.”

“And I...I stood there and defended you to him.”

“Beth, no.” He stopped his sentence long enough to come closer again, to place a hand on her shoulder and try to reassure her. “You don’t need to defend me to people. That’s not your-”

“Please,” she begged, pulling away again but only before forcibly removing his hand. “Shane, I can’t right now. I just can’t”

He knew he’d lost the war. He’d had women push him away plenty of times, almost always deserved, but it was the first time Shane had ever flinched from the chilly hands and ice cold stare. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“I was awful to him. It brought out the worst in me. He’s never did anything to me and I just...I thought I knew what I was talking about, I thought I had the right to make him feel worse. He’s just doing his best.”

“I know.”

“Do you?!”

He hadn’t expected quite so much venom in her voice, so much disgust. The shock stole away any reply he’d been about to form on his lips. Shane had thought Beth of all people knew him better than that but clearly the assumption had been wrong. It didn’t feel fair that he could spend weeks with her, changing the only mind left that maybe hadn’t rushed to judge him, and Rick could undo it all in the course of a few minutes. 

Shane also knew that train of thought only validated her anger. Rick was the one that had woken up in a hospital to find his wife pregnant by his best friend and Beth was the one out there fighting Shane’s fights for him, all the while Shane stood there feeling like they were being unfair to him. It was infuriating, made worse because he had no real way of directing that anger at himself. Instead, it just bubbled up in his chest, boiling to get out.

“I don’t know what you to say,” he finally admitted. “I don’t know how to make this right.”

“You can’t.” 

Her tears were gone and that was somehow more frightening. An emotional lashing he could take but once people grew calm and collected and were still angry, Shane knew that was when they meant what they said. 

“And you know what? I came back and I wanted to forget it happened, you know? And I’m talking to Patricia and-”

“Stop,” Shane interrupted, throwing up a hand. 

“Will you let me finish? Please?”

The desperation behind her blue eyes almost made him reconsider. Almost. She looked like she wanted nothing more than to hand him the bandaid that would fix whatever wound Rick had caused but Shane knew there were somethings that couldn’t be fixed, no matter how skilled his hands were.

“No,” he answered, rubbing a calm hand over the back of his head before giving a shrug. “I don’t need to hear it, Beth. You don’t need to say it, I get it. It’s comin’ through loud and clear. You bit off more than you chew, it’s okay. Hey, it was only a matter of time, right? We couldn’t go on pretendin’ to play house forever.”

He knew he’d pushed too hard, but old habits were hard to break and he’d had a cruel mouth for over forty years, especially when he was angry. Even if he didn’t mean it and wanted to take it all back, it felt good to take a bit of the pressure off the valve that was building inside of him.

She was supposed to object though, maybe look like the words had stung. Instead, it was her next words that wounded him. Beth wasn’t supposed to agree.

“Yeah,” she nodded crossing her thin arms again. “I think you might be right, Shane.”

The silence that followed was louder than the argument had ever been and he knew what she’d say next, he didn’t have to hear it.

“You should go,” she told him. “Please. Please go.”

And he’d never been able to say no to her, this time was no different. Shane simply nodded and grabbed his keys off the counter, heading out before he had a chance to wish she’d ask him to stay - a wish he knew wouldn’t come true.


	9. Chapter 9

The kitchen floor seemed as good a place as any for Beth to break down after watching Shane walk away. She sat still, her knees tucked under her chin as she hugged her own legs - just like she used to do when her mother had scolded her for crying about dinner. Except her tears weren’t from a childish tantrum, even if she wished it could be that easy. They came steady and hard until Beth had sat down just to gasp for air and try to make her nausea pass. Her mother had been good at that, Beth could remember that much. She’d always known the perfect thing to say.

Except Beth knew, this time, even her mother wouldn’t have been able to comfort her. The woman would’ve been crushed by the secret Patricia had just placed on Beth’s shoulders. And who would’ve blamed her? She’d spent her life caring for Hershel Greene. Starching his shirts, cooking his meals, finding his lost keys, bearing him children and how had he repaid her? The answer made Beth feel sick again.

Had he only done it once? Just one moment of weakness? Had they drunk a little too much one night while their partners were gone and buried the secret for decades? Maybe he’d sworn he’d never do it again and stuck by it. She could’ve asked Patricia but Beth didn’t want to know the answer. For the second time that day, Beth was trying to defend a man who’d committed the worst type of deed and when she gasped for air again, she finally glanced up at the spot Shane had stood moments before.

Another hurt her mama couldn’t have fixed.

The only thing Beth wanted more than to not look at Shane was to feel his arms around her and assure her that the sinking dread in her soul would pass. He was good at that. Maybe that was why Lori Grimes had fallen into his arms too, maybe that was why she’d chosen to _play house_ with him while her husband had been laid out in the hospital. The memory of Shane’s words stung almost as bad as everything else and there was no one to turn towards. In the past, her father would’ve been an option but he laid upstairs, not having uttered a single phrase since the stroke. Not that he would’ve liked what Beth had to say to him at that moment anyway. 

Once again she found herself wishing for hope of a recovery but not because she missed him. Because she wanted to tear into him, to yell the words that could now only eat away at her insides.

The front door opened and Beth’s heart leaped. She wanted him to come back even if she’d meant what she’d said. But it wasn’t the sound of Shane’s boots that entered - just Patricia. Tempting as it was, Beth didn’t tell her to leave. After waiting for the footsteps to disappear upstairs, Beth finally peeled herself from the floor and headed in the same direction. Stopping at Hershel’s room was second nature but Beth fought the urge. She couldn’t look at him or whisper words of reassurance in his ear, she didn’t trust what she had to say to anyone, even if he couldn’t hear her.

The night was a long way off but Beth collapsed into her bed anyway. The sheets smelled like Shane’s deodorant and instead of tossing them away, Beth burrowed in deeper. In a few days, the scent would be gone, either from the wash or normal use and Beth wasn’t ready. Her head was pounding and it was sweet relief when her brain finally decided to turn off and fall into sleep, rescuing her from the things she’d wished she’d said to Shane and the things she wanted to say to her dad. 

Darkness blanketed her bedroom when she woke up. 

Beth didn’t know what time it was or how long she’d been asleep, but it was disorienting, made worse when she thought she heard her name being called. The overwhelming urge to sleep said to ignore it but Beth heard it again - Patricia calling her name, just as the sounds of Hershel’s monitors flooded her ears. With a few more blinks she realized it wasn’t some sort of terrible dream or confusion from a tired mind, but the real deal. Tossing back her covers, she hit the ground running as her heart began to pound so hard she could hear the swooshing in her ears.

“Beth!”

“I’m coming,” she yelled back, skidding to a stop right at Hershel’s doorway.

“It just started, I-” Patricia began to say but Beth cut her off, holding a hand up.

She didn’t need medical training to know what was happening, though there really wasn’t much difference between humans and the animals she’d spent years at college studying.

The oxygen monitor was blaring, the heart monitors too - Beth could hardly hear anything else, but her eyes worked just fine. She froze for a moment, watching Hershel’s chest rise and fall with every strained, ragged breath he took and she didn’t have to touch him to see the pallor of his skin.

*****

When Tara first entered the bar, Shane thought he was seeing double. The shots he’d started out with and the beers he’d used to chase them down would’ve explained why two people sat down in the stools next to him. He wasn’t seeing double though, just Denise. Tara had clearly brought the girlfriend along after Shane’s invitation and he could at least blame the booze for his confusion.

“You don’t mind that I brought company?” Tara asked, already motioning the bartender over.

“The more the merrier,” Shane lied.

“Good. You called on our date night and we rarely get to see each other as it is,” Tara answered before turning to the man behind the bar. “We’ll take two Coors.”

“I can only have one,” Denise added. “I’m on call.”

“One’s better than none,” Shane replied, popping the cap off his next Miller.

He wasn’t in the mood for company. Not really. There’d been nowhere else to go when he’d left the farm and the only thing worse than drinking with unwanted company was drinking alone. Shane didn’t trust himself to be alone. The longer he’d sat there, the more pathetic he’d become, until the idea of swinging by Rick’s house had become far too tempting. Whatever Rick had said to Beth, Shane wanted to make sure he could never say it again, to hurt Rick, this time intentionally. But he’d been too drunk to drive yet still sober enough to realize it wouldn’t have actually fixed anything. 

Once upon a time it would’ve been Rick he’d went to if something was eating away at him. It didn’t happen often, usually it was Rick with the marital woes crying to Shane, but regardless, they’d always been there for each other. And if he couldn’t have his ex-partner why not the soon-to-be?

“You know, you sounded a lot less drunk on the phone than you look,” Tara finally said once their drinks had been served.

“Well...had more time to drink,” Shane answered, staring aimlessly at the row of liquor behind the bar.

“Right. So, to what do I owe this invitation?” Tara asked. “At first I thought this was maybe a celebration of sorts, ya know, since we’ll be working together soon. A getting to know each other type deal.”

“Definitely not,” Shane told her.

“Yeah, I kinda picked that up by the glassy eyes and the frown tattooed on your face.”

“It’s trouble with the missus.”

It was Denise that proudly piped up that time and Shane leaned over to shoot her a death stare.

“What?” she asked him, smiling despite his glare. “This time of night you’d usually be there. But you aren’t. You’re sitting in a bar, all alone, drowning your sorrows. It’s plain as day.”

“Oh my God, you’re right!” Tara replied, giving her girlfriend a high-five on a job well done. “That’s so cute. You just wanted a friend.”

Tara kept teasing and Shane just glared at them both. Was it too late to go knock Rick’s teeth out? At least then he could get away from the bad country music and the two women beaming back at him.

“She’s not my missus,” he finally said, finishing off the last of his beer.

“Well, whatever she is, you aren’t with her,” Denise told him. “Must be a good reason.”

“I’m actually flattered,” Tara said. “You called me to discuss your lady troubles.”

“Don’t be,” Shane told her. “I don’t really have many options. Sorry, make that no options.”

If Tara was bothered by his words, she didn’t show it. But good cops knew how to take a punch.

“Either way, out with it. Tell us what’s eatin’ ya, big boy.”

Shane didn’t speak again right away. He waited for his next beer to be brought over and licked his lips after guzzling down half, tasting nothing - always a sign he needed to stop. But it went down smooth, making his next words easier.

“She ran into Rick today at the store,” he eventually said, peeling the label off his bottle as he spoke. “And, I don’t know the specifics of what he said but when she got home…”

He let out a low whistle and killed the beer in record time. He’d told the bartender to keep ‘em coming and another was in its place in the blink of an eye.

“Well, what did she say?” Tara asked, nodding along.

“Not much. I know it ended with her telling me to leave, so here I sit. In a bar.”

“You think Rick might’ve...I dunno, lied to her? Said something to purposely make her mad?”

Shane just snorted.

“Nah, he wouldn’t. He’s too good for that,” Shane answered, believing it. “Plus, ain’t the truth bad enough?”

“It is. But she already kinda already knew the truth.”

Did she?

Shane grew quiet again, guzzling his beer even if he meant to only nurse it. The morning would bring nothing but regret when his head pounded from the hangover he was guaranteed to have but that was the least of his worries. Maybe he couldn’t bounce back from a night of drinking like he could back when they were in the academy but it was the only thing numbing Shane enough to make him keep talking.

“You know what I think it is?” he asked, glancing towards Denise and Tara before looking back over the bar. “You ever go out on a call and there’s some sorry son of a bitch there, waiting on you, cuz he knows the cops are coming to haul his ass off? He’s just slobberin’ everywhere crying, even begs you for one last smoke because he knows where he’s going there won’t be any. So you do it - hell, you even light it for him while his hands are shaking in his cuffs. While you wait, he stands there, telling you his sappy life story. How his mama never loved him and his daddy beat him around. By the time you throw him in the back of the cruiser you almost feel sorry for him, poor guy never had a chance, right?”

He only paused long enough to finish his beer and wave for another.

“But then you get inside and you see his old lady. She’s covered in blood, bruised, the kids are crying in a corner they’re so terrified. And she starts tellin’ you all kinds of shit he does to her, shit that makes your blood run cold. And any ounce of sympathy you had for that man is gone because you’re staring his victim right in the face. Fuck him and his cigarette too. Hell, what do you think always secures a guilty verdict? Ain’t nothing more damagin’ than a victim’s testimony. So yeah, I think it went like that.”

His tirade was over, his beer half gone, and Shane really was starting to see double. Starting to sweat too. Tara and Denise staring at him didn’t help.

“No,” Tara finally spoke. “I can’t say I’ve ever been out on a call like that.”

“Well, what do you know? Damn rookie.”

For a second he thought he was so drunk that his ears were ringing too but no, it was only Denise’s phone. She excused herself and ran towards the door as she answered, Tara finally picking up the conversation again.

“Maybe she just needs some time to let it all sink in.”

“Nah, I think that’s the problem, it finally did sink in.”

“I’m sure-”

“You know what?” Shane asked, hiccuping after the question. “She didn’t even want me to touch her. That’s how shook up she was. I mean, what the fuck could he have said that was that bad? It don’t make sense.”

The alcohol was to blame for the sheen of sweat on his skin and for his next words. He never would’ve said them out loud otherwise.

“It’s whatever though. Already lost one best friend, startin’ to get used to the feeling. Cheers, right?” 

It was with great hesitation that Tara knocked her bottle against Shane’s, not that Shane really cared. He drained his dry just the same.

Tara was about to speak, maybe to reassure Shane or offer some friendly advice, but he never got the chance to learn which it would be. Denise was already heading back towards them, her hands grabbing her bag as she stuffed her phone in her back pocket.

“Babe, I gotta go,” she said to Tara. 

“What’s wrong?”

Shane watched the moment Denise’s face turned into one he recognized all too well. He’d worn the same expression many times at work. Whenever he scraped a kid off the road because of a drunk driver, whenever a well check revealed a suicide or even, the most recent time, when he’d been the one that had driven to Carl’s school to bring Lori the news that her husband had been shot. He’d never been on the receiving end though and he had to the alcohol to thank for how numb he felt when Denise finally spoke again.

“It’s Hershel Greene,” she whispered, her eyes going to him. “I’m sorry, Shane.”

“No.”

Suddenly the urge to vomit had nothing to do with the Miller.

“It happened a couple minutes ago,” she went on, turning to Tara. “I’m the hospice nurse on call, I’m the one that has to declare him.”

“Declare him?” Shane asked, his voice cracking on the word.

Of course, he knew what it meant, he just wanted to have heard her wrong.

“I have to declare the time of death before the funeral home can come to get him,” Denise clarified. “I’m sorry, Shane. I know...I’m just. I’m sorry for your loss.”

He wanted to argue with her. Surely this wasn’t his loss. Not when Shane knew there was a girl a few miles out of town, hurting horribly. Had it been quick? Had Beth kissed his cheek one last time and told her daddy one last goodbye? Still, it didn’t explain away the lump that had taken root in his throat, one he washed down with the last of Tara’s beer.

The two women began to talk amongst themselves - quick, clipped words that Shane barely registered. At some point, Tara told Denise to take their car and after a quick kiss and an exchange of I love yous, Denise was on her way out the door. Shane stood up, hot on her heels.

“I gotta go,” he told Tara, already reaching for his wallet.

“No.”

“I gotta go,” he repeated. “She’s gotta be-”

“Shane, no.”

That time Tara pushed him back on the stool. She was stronger than she looked and Shane took great pleasure in objecting with a curse.

“You can’t go there,” she told him. “Okay? Not right now. I know you want to and it feels like you have to because she’s hurting but Shane, for whatever reason she’s upset with you. And the last thing she needs is for her very drunk and emotional boyfriend to show up an hour after her dad died. Please, just consider this my first piece of partner advice and listen to me, alright?”

He almost corrected her use of the word boyfriend but he couldn’t find his voice, he didn’t really trust it. Instead, he glanced around the bar, incapable of focusing on anything, and finally threw enough bills on the bar to cover all of their drinks.

“You can come crash on my couch,” Tara went on, sensing his defeat. 

“Tara, you don’t have to-”

“I do, actually. Denise took our car and you surely can’t drive yourself back in this shape. Plus I don’t trust you not to go knock on Beth’s door. I need your car to get home. I’ll drive.”

He didn’t argue. Just nodded with a grunt before standing up and forcing his swaying legs to follow Tara outside, trying to look more sober than he felt.

Their apartment was only a ten-minute drive and Shane found himself envious of Tara’s short commute to work. It was a stupid thought but he needed the distraction. 

Normally he would’ve snooped. Who didn’t when they entered someone else’s home? Who didn’t stare at the pictures on new walls or the decorations another person deemed important enough to display? But it wouldn’t have mattered where Shane was, he would’ve done the exact same thing - collapse onto the couch, not caring anymore who it belonged to or where he was. Tara dug out some extra pillows and a sheet in silence and Shane whispered a quick thanks.

It wasn’t until he heard her bedroom close and her shower turn on that he allowed himself to grieve. Not just for Hershel Greene but for everything he’d somehow managed to lose in the last few months. 

*****

Why did Maggie’s eyes turn such a beautiful shade of green when they were full of tears? Beth sat across from her at the kitchen table, almost envious of her sister’s ability to be beautiful even in grief. Her mind was a scattered mess, somehow equal parts numb yet overcrowded, and if it hadn’t been for Maggie speaking Beth may have actually told her the ridiculous thought.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” Maggie asked. “I don’t know if I can just...sit here.”

“I’m fine,” Beth lied.

Truthfully, it'd been so long since she’d eaten that her stomach was starting to tear away at itself, the tea Patricia had made them all sat untouched in front of her. The idea of food was about as appealing as answering Maggie’s next question.

“I still feel bad I got here after the funeral home. Do you think I should drive down there...ask to see him?”

“I don’t know,” Beth answered. “Only you can decide that.”

“Would you come with me?”

“I can’t.”

Beth had seen enough dead bodies to last her a lifetime. 

In the end, it hadn’t taken long, though in that moment it felt like it’d lasted forever. He was gone before the EMTs even arrived, not that they could’ve done much - not that Beth would've allowed them to anyway. If she could never apologize to her father for the anger she’d directed at him hours before his death, Beth figured the least she could’ve done was to finally let him go in peace. It’d simply been her and Patricia seated on opposite sides of him, the anger Beth felt for the other woman temporarily forgotten, both of them holding a hand as they’d watched him take the last breath that would lead him into the next life.

Denise’s arrival had brought the tears and now that the sun was starting to rise, Beth’s eyes felt like sandpaper and her head was pounding with every beat of her broken heart.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Maggie apologized. “I should’ve been here.”

“It’s okay,” Beth reassured her sister. “You didn’t know it was going to happen.”

“We all knew it was bound to happen, I never should’ve left.”

“Maggie, please. We both know you couldn’t have sat around here this whole time.”

Maggie’s pretty green eyes weren’t the only thing Beth envied, but her guilt too. No one would blame Maggie for being away, except maybe Maggie, and eventually, even she would make peace with it. But Beth? She’d spent the last day of her dad’s life hating him. There was no making peace with that, not ever.

Of course, the last few moments of his life had been different. He’d been her dad again, not the adulterer Patricia had told her about. It wasn’t an affair she’d thought about as he slipped away but all the other things - the things that mattered. Him putting his work on pause every day when he’d picked her up from school, teaching her everything about his job, his smiling face when she’d walked across the stage at college graduation - all the things that had made him an amazing father, despite the one fact that didn’t. The hurt was still there but at the end of the day, when it was all said and done, all that mattered was that Beth had loved him and she wanted nothing more than to hear his voice one more time. 

But knowing she’d walked by his room without saying she loved him one last time would haunt her for life.

“I’m just sorry you had to be here alone,” Maggie finally spoke again, bringing Beth’s attention back to her face. “I can’t imagine how hard that was. I couldn’t do it.”

“She wasn’t alone.”

It was Patricia that answered, finally coming downstairs to join them.

“I was here. Don’t beat yourself up, Maggie. Even if she’d been alone, she would’ve been okay. Beth isn’t a little girl, you know.”

Beth met the older woman’s eyes and simply gave her nod. That hurt was still there too, the anger as well, but Beth had no energy to direct it anywhere. And did it really matter either? 

What gave Beth the right to hate Patricia for being there? For whatever reason the woman had stuck by her father’s side for decades and Beth’s by extension. Maybe she had committed the worst type of betrayal to their mother but had she not spent decades making up for it? Beth both hated her and loved her and she knew it wasn’t the time or the place to decide which side of the scale was heavier. Maybe it’d always be balanced.

“Well, I finished making phone calls,” Patricia continued when neither girl replied. “This way everyone knows and will give us peace for a bit before they come dragging their sad casseroles around.”

“Thank you, Patricia,” Maggie answered.

“You know you don’t have to thank me. Y’all sure you don’t want anything to eat? If not I’m gonna head to bed and try to sleep.”

“We’re fine,” Beth told her. “Thank you.”

“You wanna head to bed too?” Maggie asked as soon as Patricia had left. “I know you’ve been up all night.”

It was true but it didn’t make Beth anymore inclined to sleep. There was no way her brain was going to turn off, not anytime soon. Would it ever?

“I can’t sleep right now.”

“Me either. We could do something productive?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know…” Maggie answered, looking around. “I know it sounds bad but I could help you pack if you want.”

“Pack?”

The confusion only lasted for a second, a blissfully ignorant second, before the realization hit Beth like a ton of bricks. And she was already so weary from the load she was carrying.

“Like, the house?” She asked, just to be sure.

“God it sounds awful, doesn’t it? But I don’t know what else to do. Daddy always said idle hands are the devil’s playground. And judging by the looks of things...you definitely need the help.”

Beth just sat still, her mouth half-open as she worked up the courage to say the words she knew were needed.

“I mean don’t get me wrong, Beth. The kitchen looks amazing. But if you’re coming with me...a lot needs to be put away. Your room, at least.”

Finally, she sat back and crossed her arms, taking a few deep breaths before answering.

“Maggie, please. Can we not do this right now?”

“Pack? No, of course not. But it will need to be done, maybe after the funeral.”

“No...I just mean this conversation. It isn’t how I wanted to do this.”

“What conversation?” Maggie asked, her voice barely above a whisper like she was afraid of the answer.

Beth sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She was thankful her tears had dried but she wished the numbness would come back. It would’ve made her next words so much easier.

“I didn’t want to tell you this way, okay? Really, I didn’t. But...I’m not selling the farm.”

“But Beth, you agreed with me-”

“I changed my mind,” Beth said, finally glancing up to match her sister’s stubborn stare. “I can’t. And I won’t.”

They both sat silently, Beth preparing herself for a fight. The day was never-ending, why not add another problem to the pile? If Maggie wanted to badger her, Beth knew her way to her bedroom. It wouldn’t change her decision but maybe it’d end an unwanted argument. 

But Maggie’s next words weren’t the objection Beth expected. Just a reminder of yet another voice she so desperately wanted to hear one more time.

“Is this about Shane?” Maggie asked, her southern accent always coming on strong whenever she was sassy.

It’d been easy to push her thoughts of him to the side, even when Denise had told Beth that he was with Tara. There was only so much room in anyone’s brain for pain and suffering. She’d simply blocked him out. Until now, until his name was rolling off Maggie’s lips and Beth wanted nothing more than to sink her face into his chest and forget the last few hours.

“What?” 

That was all she could manage to get out, her heart slowly beating back to life at the mere mention of his name.

“You do realize talk ain’t confined to city limits, right? I have a phone, Beth. One of the old church ladies called me up and told me she saw y’all holding hands and rocking on the porch when she stopped to see daddy. I told her to get her eyes checked and hung up. Thought maybe the old bat finally went blind.”

“Maybe she was,” Beth replied. “I’m not her eye doctor.”

“Don’t be smart.”

When Beth failed to answer, her hand caught in the cookie jar, Maggie went on.

“Judging by your lack of an objection I think her vision was just fine.”

Finally, Beth just shrugged, wincing when the sudden pain made her head pound harder. It wasn’t how she’d wanted this conversation to happen either but when did anything ever go as planned? 

The plan had never been to even like Shane. She’d simply wanted his help. Beth had never intended to look forward to their conversations or to welcome him into her bed, to not only know what he sounded like in his most intimate moments but to moan his name when he moved inside of her. She’d never meant to push him away either. She was supposed to have tolerated his presence, at best. Not ache for it.

“You’re serious?” Maggie asked when Beth still failed to give a straight answer, her voice rising just a touch. Beth knew if her sister wasn’t weighed down by grief the volume of their conversation would’ve exploded. “I know we all go through that bad boy phase but that man is-”

“Not what you think,” Beth finished for her. “No one is, Maggie. Look, do we really need to do this right now? Is it really the best time?”

“There will never be a good time for this. You slept with him?”

Beth shot her sister a death stare, answering with her eyes instead of her words.

“I can’t believe this. I knew he was trouble but I didn’t think he’d touch you, not after what all Daddy did for him. Jesus, Beth. What do you think Daddy would think if he…”

“It’s not like that,” Beth answered. 

Maybe she shouldn’t have bothered defending Shane to Rick but she damn sure wouldn’t let Maggie drag his name. Beth was positive she had a better grip on Shane, their dad too, for that matter. Although some secrets would be buried with Hershel Greene, she could spare her sister that much.

“Well if he’s so great, why isn’t he here? Your dad just died and he’s…?”

Lying seemed like the best option. But Beth knew it would all eventually come out anyway. This wouldn’t be the end of Maggie’s questions, just the beginning, they’d come hard and fast once everything settled down. 

“I was upset with him earlier, before anything happened, so I asked him to leave...and he did.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing,” Beth sighed, leaning on the table and adding pressure to her temples. 

Looking up to meet Maggie’s eyes, she finally saw the first hints of softness since Shane’s name had been brought up. Maybe her sister finally had a grasp on how long Beth’s day had really been or maybe she too was just losing steam.

“Still,” Maggie continued. “Is this really what you want? The farm? Without Daddy? Without... _Shane_? I told you last time that this is what would happen, that it’d just be you all alone in this house. Please. Just come to Atlanta, me and Glenn cleared out the spare bedroom. We want you with us.”

“But I don’t want that,” Beth answered after a deep breath. “I don’t. No matter how I feel about Shane or about Daddy-”

“What about Daddy?”

“His death, I mean,” Beth recovered, suddenly feeling exhausted at the realization she’d have to hide her father’s secrets forever. “None of that matters. The only thing worse than losing everyone would be losing everyone and this house. I want to be here. I’ve made it mine. I don’t want to live anywhere else, I’m sorry.”

“I wish you’d change your mind.”

“I won’t. If it makes you feel any better, I want to sell off some acres. You and Glenn take the money from it, I get the house. It’s somewhat fair.”

“You know it was never about the money.”

“I know,” Beth agreed. “But I still want you to have it.”

Maggie didn’t object but Beth knew the war wasn’t over. It was just an extremely small victory that brought little comfort.

The temperature was rising quickly when Beth finally decided to call it a night. Or a day? Not that it mattered, she knew there’d be no sleep, not anytime soon. But laying in bed feeling awful seemed more appealing than arguing with her sister while feeling awful. She dismissed herself while Maggie volunteered to stay up, waiting for her husband, Glenn, to arrive after staying back to wrap things up at home and finding a dogsitter. 

There was a little guilt when she finally collapsed into her bed. Beth didn’t want to leave her sister all alone with her grief but she was too spent to offer any more comfort. The next day they’d have a funeral to plan. But in the meantime, if Beth couldn’t sleep, she figured she could at least try to make sense of the jumbled mess in her brain and think about both of the men she was missing.

*****

When Shane woke up, if it could even be called that, his head wasn’t pounding nearly as bad as he’d expected. Then again, his trick to avoiding a hangover had always been to never fall asleep drunk and despite all the alcohol, he’d still managed to accomplish sobering up before passing out. Not that it’d been hard. The sky had been turning pink by the time he eventually dozed off and judging by Tara’s cable box he was waking up less than two hours later.

Peeling himself from the couch, he felt every bit his age. 

Sneaking out of a woman’s apartment wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before, although it was the first time he’d ever hung around long enough to guzzle a bottle of water and write a quick thank-you note on the whiteboard that they had hanging on their fridge. Grabbing his keys, he snuck out before anyone even knew he was awake.

He’d meant to head straight back to the farm but for whatever reason, the cruiser seemed to have a mind of its own and before Shane could turn around he was parked outside the Grimes residence. What was he planning to say? He didn’t know. 

And judging by the bare windows and the for sale sign that hung in the yard now reading sold, he’d never know what it was he’d wanted to tell Rick because he was too late to say anything at all. Gone were Carl’s outdoor toys that had always littered the lawn, Lori’s bird feeder, even the welcome mat had been packed away. Shane just stared out his windshield, not quite believing that they were gone, that whatever it was he’d wanted to say...it’d have to sit inside him for eternity.

Rick would never hear the words that Shane wanted to scream at him or the apologies either. What would one more apology have hurt? It couldn’t have made Rick hate him any more than he already did but maybe it would’ve been the only thing that could’ve saved Shane from never meeting his daughter. And if Rick wouldn’t budge, maybe Lori. 

Maybe Shane could’ve begged her one last time not to do this to him. No matter how little they’d really meant to each other in the end, their actions had created a life together, equal parts both of them. Surely, he could’ve made her understand. Judging by her guilty confession in the park, she already did. 

Finally, Shane just sighed and began fishing in his pocket for his phone.

Maybe he’d missed one shot but that didn’t mean he had to miss two.

He held the phone to his ear, bracing himself for her voicemail to pick up. When it was her voice that greeted him instead, Shane gripped the phone tighter.

“Shane?” Beth asked, sounding scratchy.

“Hey,” he answered, just taking a moment to absorb her voice. 

He could hear her shuffling around and imagined her sitting up in bed. Was she as relieved to hear him as he was to hear her?

“I heard about your dad.”

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice flat. “It happened so fast and it was just...God, it was horrific. I thought I was ready, you know?”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He stayed silent for a moment when he heard the unmistakable sound of her sniffling, waiting for her to get it out before he spoke again. 

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No. I almost wish you had, at least that would mean I was still capable of sleeping.”

She attempted to laugh after the statement but Shane could hear the struggle.

“You will again, I promise.”

“I know but I’m just laying here…” she trailed off, sighing into the phone. “I want to explain to you why I-”

“Hey, listen to me,” he said, cutting her off. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”

“But I do. And I wanted to apologize-”

“No,” he interrupted again. “Your dad just died. Don’t worry about me right now, alright?”

“I just feel bad.”

“Well, don’t. I can take it, I promise. Now isn’t the time,” he told her, lowering his voice and wishing she was close enough to reach out towards.

Instead, he settled for leaning his head back and switching the phone to his other ear. He could hear her doing the same - settling back down into bed, he could recognize the sound of her mattress springs anywhere.

“Where are you?” 

Shane actually laughed before answering. Not because it was funny though.

“I’m parked outside Rick’s house.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, but they ain’t here so a lot of good it does me, huh?’

“What were you gonna do?”

“No idea,” he admitted. “I’m about to head back to my place though if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.”

“You want me to come over to you?”

Shane knew he was pushing his luck but he’d always been the type to take a mile when given an inch. 

“It’s not a good time,” she finally answered after a long pause. And if it wasn’t for her next words it may have been a fatal blow. “Maggie’s already here. She found out about...us. I don’t know, I just-”

“I get it,” he answered truthfully. “Her dad just died too. No need to upset her more, right?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing to me, alright?”

He could hear her voice relaxing and growing softer when she spoke again.

“You’ll come to the funeral though, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

Another long pause and Shane knew her eyelids were probably starting to close, her next words were nothing more than a mumble.

“Did you really stay the night at Tara’s?”

“Yeah, her couch is uncomfortable as shit by the way.”

He heard Beth struggle to laugh again. Not because she was hurting this time but because one foot was already in her dreams.

“I was kinda disappointed I didn’t get to snoop,” he went on, knowing soon she’d stop answering. But at least she’d be sleeping and he could give her that much if nothing else. “They got a nice little place, considering her salary. Rookies don’t make shit. Thought about drawing a dirty picture on their whiteboard but I don’t know if they’d appreciate it very much.”

When he paused, Beth was silent. Still, he stayed on the line for a few more minutes, making sure she was finally out before he started the engine and put the car in the drive.


	10. Chapter 10

Despite Maggie’s protests, four days later Hershel Greene was put to rest with a graveside service under a sun so hot that the programs were used as makeshift fans. Maggie had wanted something a bit more elegant, in the church, but in the end, Beth had defended her father’s wishes until her older sister caved. The instructions he’d left had been clear. He wanted it simple, cost-effective, quick and to the point. Why beat around the bush for a dead man? Even in death, he was a man with simple tastes. Burying him in field clothes had also been a point of contention but Beth had won that argument too. Their daddy had always insisted he meet his maker looking like himself, traditions be damned. The rest had been all Maggie. Beth had stepped back and let her pick everything else, down to the flowers and the obituary.

By the time she was taking her seat in front of her father’s casket, Beth was just relieved that soon it’d all be over. 

The turnout was large but that was to be expected. Hershel was many things to many different people and Beth wasn’t shocked that they ran out of sitting room before the service even officially began. Every few minutes she found herself turning around, checking the crowd, but not to keep track of its size. The well-wishers poured by her and Maggie but attempting to be polite while craning her neck around was no easy feat. 

If he’d said he would be there, Beth knew he would. Shane had yet to let her down. But what if he’d gotten the time wrong? The day? She knew that was unlikely, Patricia had told him. Between Maggie’s insistent planning and questions, they hadn’t seen each other at all. The last few days had been a blur yet Beth had still managed to keep track of him going to and from work. Shooting a text message didn’t feel appropriate, there was too much she wanted to say.

“Will you stop turning around, you’re even making my neck hurt,” Maggie whispered, yanking Beth’s arm to get her attention.

“Just hold on.”

Beth scanned the crowd of mourners behind them, taking one last look before she’d give up. Maggie was pulling on her sleeve when she finally spotted him, towards the very back, leaning against a shady tree. Shane was wearing a black button-up with sleeves rolled up, a pair of nice fitting clean jeans, and his trusty boots. Perhaps he was underdressed for most funerals but Beth knew Hershel would’ve approved.

“I’ll be back,” she told her sister, getting up. “Hold these seats.”

“No one is gonna take your seat.”

“Both of them,” Beth clarified, grabbing the bag she’d been using to save the empty one next to her own.

“Where are you going? Gabriel is about to start.”

“You’ll see.”

Before Maggie could say anything else, Beth was gone, holding her head down so as to not get stopped by anyone else before making it over to him.

They made eye contact before Beth was close enough to say anything. Was he even aware he uncrossed his arms as she got closer?

“I was afraid you’d stood me up,” she finally said, stopping right in front of him.

He was a few feet away from the crowd, not that Beth cared if people watched anyway.

“Nah, you weren’t. You knew I’d be here.”

“True.”

“How you holding up?”

“I’ve had better days.”

It was the first time she’d set eyes on him since he’d walked out of her kitchen and the only thing Beth wanted was to feel him, to remember what it felt like when his skin was pressed against hers.

“I saved you a seat,” she told him, motioning with her head towards where she’d come from.

“Those are for family.”

She bit her lip before she spoke again, afraid he’d reject her next words but knowing, deep down, he wouldn’t.

“You are family,” Beth replied, reaching a hand out for him to hold.

His was the first smile she’d seen that day that didn’t feel forced or inappropriate, even if there was a heavy helping of sadness behind his dark brown eyes.

When he took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, Beth smiled, feeling a gentle squeeze from him at her next words.

“Let’s go bury my dad.”

She led him back through their onlookers, her head held high, not caring even when she sat down next to Maggie, Shane on her other side. He didn’t let go of her hand and she wasn’t about to do it either. If Maggie had anything to say, she kept it to herself, although Beth could feel her sister’s eyes on them. Maybe she knew it wasn’t the time or maybe she just knew it was what Beth needed to get through the day.

*****

No funeral was ever fun but Hershel’s was especially difficult. Gabe’s love of his own voice was no different during sermons and Shane’s clothes were way too warm for the weather. It didn’t help that the man being lowered into the ground was one that Shane had come to respect in a way he wouldn’t have thought possible months prior. Beth held it together for the most part but he knew when certain words hit her too hard - her nails would dig into his flesh. When Gabe had finally preached himself out, Shane had started to worry his deodorant wouldn’t hold up much longer but at least he was wearing black and the curious eyes burning into the back of his head wouldn’t see the sweat stains. 

By the time everyone started to disperse, the humidity had reached dangerous levels and it was only a matter of time before mother nature took pity and dumped a storm on their heads.

He followed behind Beth and Patricia on the ride home. There’d been little time to talk between all the lingering as people gave Beth their condolences but she’d at least had time to ask him to come to the post-service reception after, of course, he’d agreed. The idea of being stuffed in that house with no air and a crowd wasn’t pleasant and Shane put his AC on full blast the entire drive back, just because he could. 

She was waiting for him on the porch in the rocking chair when Shane parked behind the old truck and got out. Patricia, Maggie, and Glenn were headed inside but Beth just patted the chair next to her.

“Wanna have a sit with me?”

There wasn’t much else he’d rather do.

“I’m supposed to go help Maggie and Patricia set things up but God, this is like the day that won’t end. I don’t feel like dealing with anyone else.”

“Then don’t,” he answered, sitting down on the edge of his chair to better face her.

“I can’t. If I’m not there, they’ll be all over Maggie and she’ll kill me. I’d deserve it.”

She cracked the faintest of smiles, one that grew when Shane reached out and stroked her hand. It’d only been a matter of days since he’d been able to freely touch her but Shane felt touch starved. Judging by how she sat up and angled herself towards him, Beth did too.

“Shane, I still wanna apologize-”

“You don’t have to,” he told her. “Not right now.”

“But I want to,” she answered, meeting his eyes. “I have to make things right with us. And the sooner the better. Putting it off won’t make daddy’s death any easier, just worse. And I can still make things right with us, and okay again, I can’t make things right with him.”

The end of her sentence was dropped to a whisper, already a car was pulling into their yard with people spilling out to head inside. Beth gave them a nod of her head from their end of the porch but Shane just glared, more for her sake than his. She had something to say and he damn sure wasn’t gonna let her get bogged down with more company saying how sorry they were.

“What do you mean, make things right with your dad?” Shane asked. “You two were-”

“That’s was one of the things I wanted to tell you,” she sighed, reaching for his hands and taking them in her own.

It wasn’t the conversation he’d expected to have but Shane stayed quiet. He sat still, his large hands wrapped in her thin fingers, exhaling when her fingertips brushed over his knuckles. She seemed to be thinking over how to start and it was easy to be patient when her hands were on him.

“When I ran into Rick that day...it was hard. I guess. He just came at me and started warning me about you and saying these horrible things. And it hurt because it was true.”

If it wasn’t for her next words or the smile she shot him, Shane’s stomach might have dropped.

“To _him_. The things he said were true for him and he has every right to be upset by that. But I knew that the person I know, you, that’s not all there is. And I got defensive and I said pretty horrible things to him, things I also didn’t have the right to say.”

“What’d you say?”

“Stuff about your baby. That it was yours, not his. That what he was doing wasn’t okay. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I hurt him though, you know? I made it worse and I felt foolish and confused and I don’t know.”

She may have claimed it didn’t matter but it mattered to Shane greatly. He gave her hand a squeeze - a silent way to show his appreciation for standing up for him, especially when she didn’t have to.

More people were starting to arrive and neither Beth or Shane acknowledged their presence. It was just the two of them having a quiet conversation on the porch, no one daring to interrupt.

“What were you saying about your dad though?”

Beth took another deep breath and leaned in closer, lowering her voice yet again.

“You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to say, okay? Ever. Not Maggie. Not Tara if you’re ever at work talking to her and the subject somehow comes up...no one.”

Her voice was barely more than a whisper and Shane couldn’t help but look towards the screen door when she leaned over to check it too.

“Lips are sealed,” he assured her, matching her volume.

“After the thing with Rick, I just left. And you were out back so I was talking to Patricia about what happened and I know she was just trying to make me feel better but...she made it so much worse.”

Shane just nodded, trying to will the words from her mouth.

“She was trying to convince me that sometimes really good people make horrible mistakes, trying to make me feel better. And you know what? I would’ve been okay with it. I could’ve gotten over it. But she just dropped this bomb.”

“Alright, you’re killin’ me here.”

Finally, she leaned in again, so close that Shane could feel her breath on his lips even if he could barely hear her next words.

“She told me that my dad also slept with his good friend’s wife, Shane. That he cheated on my mom.”

He thought he misheard her at first. He pulled away, just a touch, only letting go of her grip long enough to run a hand over the stubble on his jaw.

“She probably made it up. That’s not possible.”

“It is.”

“Nah, not your dad. I mean, he was friendly with anyone, she probably just heard some stupid rumor because God forbid the man take the time to chat with some woman longer than these church ladies think is appropriate.”

“No. It was _her_. Patricia...and my dad. While my mother was alive, mind you.”

Denise arrived next, carrying a disposable pan wrapped in tinfoil but Shane couldn’t even bring himself to nod. If it hadn’t been for Beth’s quick wave she would’ve gone just as ignored as everyone else. 

He tried to open his mouth to give her a proper reply but words simply wouldn’t form and God knew he never had a problem running his mouth. And if it was that surprising to him, he didn’t want to imagine how rattled Beth had been. It was an automatic reflex when he grabbed her hand again, this time placing a quick kiss on her fingers and holding his lips there, trying to make sense of what she’d just shared.

Except there was no sense to be made. 

The question of why the man had ever agreed to let Shane stay there had always been in Shane’s brain but he’d just assumed Hershel had been getting soft in his old age. Not because they had something in common. It simply wasn’t the Hershel Greene that Shane knew, not the same man the entire community respected and were currently mourning. If the people piling into the house knew the truth, would they have still come? Would they have cried at his funeral, would they have told nothing but stories about how great he’d been? Should it have comforted Shane? If men like Hershel could screw up so horrifically, surely there was hope for him too. But at that moment his mind was on Beth and how hard the news would rock any daughter’s world, especially one that had spent her entire life looking up to her dad.

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Shane finally admitted. 

“Imagine my surprise. It was...not what I wanted to hear. Or needed to hear. I wish I never had, to be honest. I went to bed that night hating him. And then he died.”

“I’m sorry.”

The only thing softer than his voice was his lips, still pressed against her skin. Shane brushed his mouth over her fingers again, wishing there was something better he could offer.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But it’s too late now. And when you came back inside, I don’t think I even knew up from down at that point. I would’ve been fine if she hadn’t told me that. But I kept thinking about how horrible Rick looked and I imagined my own mom looking like that, if she’d ever learned the truth, and I just...I couldn’t. And I’ll never be able to make things okay with my dad but I can with you. I want to.”

The temperature was dropping as the first roll of thunder clapped in the distance but it wasn’t the only reason Shane felt himself relax. It felt good to hear it out loud, to hear why she’d clammed up so quickly. He hadn’t even realized how badly he’d needed to hear it until that moment. And who could blame her?

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, looking into her eyes.

“But it’s not. I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I should have told you.”

“You tried.”

“I should’ve tried harder. I’m just...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s fine,” he promised her. “Really. I, of all people, understand makin’ mistakes, right? What I did is a lot for anyone to swallow, much less hearin’ about your dad too. I don’t blame you, Beth. Your dad wouldn’t either. You still angry with him?” 

She sighed and squeezed him tight, lowering her voice again.

“Yes. And no. Watching him die? I didn’t care anymore, I just wished he was still here.”

“What about Patricia? Do we hate her?”

She laughed at his use of we but Shane could tell by the hesitation she struggled with that answer too.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I look at her and I just want to scream at her.”

“Have you?”

“No, not really. I can’t believe she’d hurt my mom like that. But at the same time, she’s stuck by me and Maggie for years. We would’ve been lost without her here after Daddy’s stroke. She’s done so much. Is it possible to hate someone even though you love them?”

“Yeah,” Shane answered. “It definitely is.”

The screen door was doing little to block the voices from inside but neither of them made any effort to move. Shane eased himself back into the chair, as did Beth, but he kept a hand on her thigh as the first few raindrops began to fall. 

His mind immediately went to Rick. No matter what had happened between them, Shane knew he’d never properly hate the man, he couldn’t. They’d been brothers. There’d been times he’d thought about strangling Rick but if push came to shove, could he have done it? 

“You really said that to Rick?” He asked, turning to face her.

“Yeah. I probably shouldn’t have but I’m just sorry you don’t get to be a dad.”

“I’m sorry you lost yours. He was a good one, you know that, right?”

“I do. You would’ve been too.”

Shane gave her flesh another thankful squeeze, massaging his way down to her knee.

“If I sit here much longer I won’t get up” she finally said after a slow sigh. “We should get inside.”

He waited until she stood up to grab her hand and pulled her back.

“We?” 

“Yeah, is that a problem?”

Shane stared up at her, his next words coming out easy, barely audible over the rain and the voices floating outside.

“Is that what you want? A _we_?”

Beth didn’t answer immediately. She yanked his hand until he stood up too and pulled him closer until they were chest to chest. Her hands wrapped around his waist just as she smiled and Shane felt his entire body relax against hers.

“Yeah,” she repeated, holding his stare and smiling. “Is that a problem?”

“No, ma’am.”

It was the first time Shane had seen Beth’s smile reach her eyes all day, only ending when he finally leaned in, stroking her cheek, and kissing her lips as their eyes closed. Gentle at first - until he felt her sigh into his mouth, her small frame melting against him. Only after he felt her heartbeat slowing down did Shane deepen their next kiss, sneaking himself just a taste, the smallest of moans escaping his lips when they finally pulled away.

They did need to get going but it didn’t stop Shane from wrapping his arms around her neck and holding her close, Beth’s head buried against his chest, not quite believing he got to stake his claim on her. But he could and Shane was perfectly content to hold her and watch the rain start to pour. 

It took a while, but finally they were forced to let go of each other long enough to make their way inside. Beth went straight for the food and even though Shane hadn’t felt hungry in days, his appetite kicked in and in no time at all they’d killed a snack tray just between the two of them. Whenever a friend of Hershel’s stopped by to tell Beth some supposedly heartwarming story, Shane made sure to nod in the right places but keep his mouth full so he wasn’t expected to respond. The house was filling up at an alarming rate and Shane sorely missed the days when it was just him, Beth, and her cutoff shorts. After over an hour of Beth being forced to nod and smile, she finally excused herself to go change her clothes and Shane was left alone, still hiding in the kitchen, guarding his cold beer and a plate of cookies that looked particularly appealing.

“I would give anything to get these people to go home.”

It was Maggie that spoke, approaching just as Shane killed his beer and turned around.

Other than a few guests that needed to grab a drink or a snack, most had congregated in other areas after Beth had disappeared. Shane didn’t take it personally, he was happy for the quiet. The rain was still coming down and there was nothing worse than a crowd trying to talk over a downpour.

“I can make ‘em leave if you want,” Shane volunteered, giving an easy shrug.

“Really, you’d do that?”

“Why not? I’m good at dispersing a crowd, county pays me to do it.”

“And here I thought you were doing me a favor.”

She seemed to be in no rush, leaning against the counter next to him after grabbing one of the cookies he’d eyed and taking a big bite.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you,” she finally said, talking with her mouth full.

“Whatever you want.”

Other than the strong shoulders that were carrying their grief with grace, Shane saw little resemblance between the two sisters. Maggie was unapologetic, a bit like a bull, with brown hair and green eyes that were nothing like her sister. But Shane could admire a sharp tongue, he spoke the language well. 

“Beth told me everything. Well, not the nitty-gritty details but I don’t wanna hear ‘em.”

“I wasn’t gonna share ‘em.”

She took another big bite, chewed slowly, and Shane knew she was debating her next words carefully.

“I trusted my dad’s judgment. When he rented that space above his office to you I didn’t understand but judging by all the work y’all have done, he was right, you’re good with your hands.”

Shane nodded just so he wouldn’t crack the inappropriate joke that came to him.

“And I do trust Beth’s judgment. She’s not as hot-headed as me, she thinks things through. She’s a bit like him that way.”

“But?”

“But, I still don’t like it. Not that it matters, her mind is made up and I don’t have time to change it even if I wanted to. We’re heading out in the mornin’ and I just gotta leave her here and hope she’s right. But Shane, I swear to God, if you do anything to her I’ll kill you.”

“You’ll have to stand in a very long line for that honor.”

She finished her last bite, wiping her hands down her dress and fighting back a smile.

“You know that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“‘Least I’m honest,” he answered. 

“You’ll really get all these people to leave? I can’t take one more person telling me how sorry the are for my loss.”

“No skin off my back. Go, go save your husband before Patricia starts offering her weak coffee and enjoy your childhood bedroom one last time before Beth rips it up too.”

“What about the mess? I feel bad leavin’ it.”

“I know where everything goes.”

He could tell the words got under her skin but Maggie recovered well.

“I suppose you do. Thank you, I guess. Tell Beth I said goodnight but to wake up early, really early. I gotta load up my car.”

“Will do. And hey Maggie?”

She was already a few steps away but she turned around one last time.

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

Maggie just shook her head, her eyes softening despite her previous protest at the words.

“Me too,” she replied. “Goodnight, Shane.”

After allowing her a ten-minute head start, Shane got down to business. Enticing as it was, he didn’t just yell at them all to go - what he would’ve done if he were on the clock. Instead, it was polite explanations that the girls were ready to be alone and quiet questions that dropped the hint about whether or not Patricia’s church ladies needed their Tupperware back immediately. Halfway through the process, Beth returned, freshly showered and in the shorts he’d sorely missed. She kissed the last few cheeks and thanked everyone for coming, assuring everyone they’d be okay. Denise was the last to leave, one of the few Beth stopped to have a genuine conversation with, all the while Shane headed to the kitchen to start stuffing uneaten food in the freezer.

Once they were alone, the two fell into their old rhythm. They danced around each other in the space as they searched for containers to store everything, afterward Shane washed while Beth rinsed, the old routine helping them both wind down for the night, even if the sun hadn’t entirely set. After the last Pyrex dish was dried, they pushed a little more, just like always, yawning as they made sure that all the doors were locked and the windows were open, welcoming the cool breeze from the rain outside. 

*****

Maybe it was because she’d crawled into bed in nothing but her tank top and underwear or perhaps the rain outside was to blame, but whatever the reason, it was the first time in a very long time that Beth wasn’t sweating when she pulled the sheet over herself. There was just enough light left outside for her to watch Shane kick off his boots and sit down on the edge of the bed to begin unbuttoning his shirt.

“I need a shower.”

Beth sat up and settled behind him, her arms wrapping around his torso to start undoing the buttons herself.

“I disagree,” she told him, kissing his nape and breathing in the scent she’d been afraid would wash out of her sheets. “There’s always tomorrow for a shower.”

“That right? What else you got planned for tomorrow?”

She had to stretch a little to get the last few buttons, until finally she was easing him out of the shirt and resting her head on his bare shoulder.

“After Maggie leaves, the medical supply people will be here to disassemble the bed in daddy’s room, all the other stuff too.”

“So soon?”

“Unfortunately. Insurance isn’t gonna pay for it anymore.”

Shane’s skin was warm and Beth could have buried her face against him forever but after a few soft strokes to his arms and a few more brushes of her lips, he finally eased himself up long enough to ditch his jeans and crawl into bed next to her. The little light left was fading fast and Beth could barely make out the stubble on his jaw, not that it mattered, her fingers were already tracing over it.

“How you feeling?” he asked, pulling her closer until her thigh was wrapped around his waist and his arm stroked down her back.

“Weird,” she admitted, barely more than a whisper. “Now that it’s all over...I dunno. Just weird. He’s really gone.”

She liked that she didn’t have to say anything else, no explanation was necessary. Shane just kissed her forehead so she could burrow against his chest and close her eyes.

And Beth wouldn’t have been able to explain it anyway, there were no words she knew of that could describe the giant hole that her father’s death had carved out. There’d been little time to even think about it with Maggie around asking more questions than necessary about funerals and caskets and whatever else. It’d been nothing but an emotional whirlwind, forcing Beth to numb herself just to survive it.

Shane kissed her forehead again and pulled the blanket over them both, tucking in tight and warm.

Missing him hadn’t helped. If anything it’d made everything feel even more surreal. Did Shane know that his being there made her finally feel whole and safe enough to finally lose it? 

He must’ve. Beth wasn’t sure when she’d started to cry but he hugged her tighter, planting a few kisses in her hair, unbothered by the moisture she left on his bare chest. Hershel would never learn what they’d become to each other and even though Beth knew he would’ve raised hell at first, she had a feeling he would’ve come around. After all, he was partly responsible. He’d never know how unbelievably happy Shane made her or how hard they were working to create a house that was all hers, he’d never get to see the beautiful things that had sprung up in his absence. No, she’d march on without him, keeping a mental list of all the things she wished she could share with him but never would.

Eventually, Shane readjusted himself, just enough to kiss the salt from her cheeks, until Beth’s breathing steadied and her eyes opened.

“Tell me how to help,” he whispered, brushing the hair out of her face.

“Just be here,” she answered. “This is enough.”

It felt like no matter how tight he held her it wasn’t close enough though, she needed more, more of his strong arms and easy lips.

Her hands explored his chest, slowly working down to his stomach, his breath catching in his throat as her fingers stroked right below his navel, willing him to life. Beth needed to feel him, every last part, her body had been aching for his - his sighs, his moans, the comfort of having him inside of her.

Tilting her head, Beth met his lips in a tender kiss while his thumb brushed her cheek, caressing her skin as her lips trembled against his and her pulse quickened. Beth could feel him hardening between her legs but his focus was on her, patiently slipping his tongue past her lips, prompting a whimper from them both. Pulling away, he kissed her cheek, her jaw, down her neck, his soft fingertips following the trail his mouth left behind, like he was afraid she might slip through his fingers. When he buried his face against her shoulder, Beth felt every part of her body aching to soothe his need. Her hands went straight for Shane’s hair, getting lost in the thick strands, before settling on his nape and massaging his flushed skin in silent reassurance. 

The moment her thigh loosened its grip, Shane’s hands were there, quietly massaging her soft flesh, until goosebumps painted her flesh and Beth eased herself onto her back where he settled between her legs. Already the moisture was collecting between her thighs and as Shane inched her panties off, Beth kicking them free when they caught around her ankle, the scent of their shared arousal permeated the room and it only egged Shane on, until his boxer briefs were also worked down and twisted in the sheets at their feet. 

“You sure?” he asked, repositioning himself between her legs, the question asked between the kisses he placed on her lips.

Beth just nodded, unable to form the right words. 

How could she? Not when his erection was trapped between their bodies, the warmth from his tight flesh making her walls ache and her nipples stiffen in response.

Finally Shane aligned himself between her thighs but waited to roll his hips until her lips parted too, welcoming the soft caress of his tongue. Beth shuddered after the first slow, deep thrust, like Shane knew no matter how close he was it would never be enough. She wanted to cry out but fought the urge, settling for wrapping her legs around him instead.

His pace was unhurried but his thrusts were always deep, hitting Beth in places that until then, she’d questioned their existence. Beth didn’t need any lights to feel the moment he pulled away and their eyes connected in the dark, her body trembling when he stroked that building ache inside of her again, both of them moaning freely as their sweaty bodies clung together.

She knew she wouldn’t last long, she couldn’t, not when every thrust made her walls throb until she was whimpering his name and clinging onto his shoulders. The next rock of his hips hit her again and Beth was too swollen and sensitive to take much more, not even when she tried to distract herself by stroking his back and massaging the muscles that were working overtime. 

But when his lips found her forehead and planted a gentle kiss - nothing at all like the harsh flutter of arousal, Beth lost it, unraveling in his arms, the tears in her eyes had nothing to do with loss. 

Maybe it was because she was so slick or maybe it was the way she arched against him but Shane’s climax came on the heels of hers, just a few more harsh grinds of their bodies until he emptied every drop inside of her.

Beth missed his weight when he finally rolled away but she couldn’t blame him, already her eyelids were growing heavy, and with one last kiss she curled into his arms and drifted off.


	11. Chapter 11

A week later, they were running out of freezer space from all the untouched casseroles. It would’ve suited Beth just fine to dump them in the trash but it was only because of Patricia that she didn’t follow through with the plan. Southern tradition insisted upon complimenting the meal when the clean serving dish was returned, or so the older woman claimed, and even though Beth would’ve been perfectly content to lie or never even return a dish, eventually Patricia’s argument won out. If she wanted to make a dinner of it and invite Denise and Tara over, why not? They’d always intended to have another dinner with everyone over so why not go along with it when it meant Beth wouldn’t have to lift a single finger to cook? 

There’d been little time for cooking. After Maggie had left, they’d started to clean out Hershel’s room, starting with the heavy dressers that they’d loaded into the back of Beth’s truck and dropped off in a storage unit. On the days Shane worked, Beth stripped the walls of all of her father’s decor, not caring if anyone thought it was too soon for the change. The only thing worse than him being gone was walking by his bedroom, filled with all of his belongings, like it was simply waiting for his return. 

It’d brought Shane great pleasure when he’d finally moved the window unit from Hershel’s room to Beth’s bedroom window instead. There’d been little work accomplished that day. She’d waited until he’d sprawled out in her bed like a starfish to tell him the rest of the good news, that as soon as she and Maggie split what was left of Hershel’s life insurance, the farmhouse would officially join the twenty-first century after the central air was installed. 

Other than when her lips had wrapped him later that night, Beth wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Shane so relieved. 

“What do you think - toss, donate, or keep?” Beth asked, holding up a suit jacket from Hershel’s closet. 

“Toss,” Patricia answered from her spot on the floor where she was folding the clothes for the donated pile. “That one has a hole in the left pocket and it’s been hemmed so many times it’d fall apart as soon as someone washed it.”

His closet was the last thing left and Beth had been putting it off for good reason - it was stuffed full of decades of junk, most of which she didn’t even know when or how he’d acquired. More things she’d never get to ask him about, though Patricia was proving to be a valuable resource, her input being as unsettling as it was helpful. Beth was yet to ask Patricia for all the answers she really craved though, they’d both been avoiding the topic.

“And this?” Beth asked again, showing Patricia a scarf she’d never once seen her father wear.

“You might wanna keep it. Your mama knitted that after we had a really cold winter, record-breaking lows, she’d sworn he’d be thankful the next year...which was how long it took her to finish it, by the way. Never caught on to knitting, that one. Never got cold enough to wear it either. But he hung on to it.”

Beth sighed and tossed it in the one pile she’d eventually go through alone - _undecided_. 

“Honey, how much longer are you gonna keep at this? I gotta put the food in the oven soon.”

“I don’t know, not much longer.”

“Is Tara still coming home with Shane and Denise meeting her here?”

“Far as I know.”

“How’s he liking having company?”

It was only their second day as partners but Beth knew Shane was enjoying having an extra set of hands and someone to talk to while the hours passed. She liked it too - knowing he wasn’t alone on the road, that back-up was only a few steps away instead of miles. 

“I think he’s happy. He told me last night he’s trying hard not to compare her to Rick and how close they were, but they’ll get there,” Beth answered, holding a pair of slacks she didn’t recognize. “What ya think?”

“Donate. He barely wore those, just a few times when he took your mom out on their last few anniversaries.”

Another sigh and Beth couldn’t take it anymore.

She walked towards the stack that Patricia was folding, tossing the pants on top, before finally sitting down on the empty hardwood floor across from her.

“How do you do this?” Beth finally asked, trying to soften her voice so she wouldn’t sound too aggressive. “How can you just...recite all these facts and not feel-”

“Guilty? Jealous?”

Beth winced, getting more than she bargained for.

“I was just thinking guilty but I guess the latter applies too,” Beth admitted. 

“I take you’ve finally decided you need answers to all the questions I’m sure you have.”

Beth just nodded as Patricia set the shirt she’d been folding to the side, both of them bracing for the conversation.

“How long?” Beth asked. “How long did it go on?”

“The first time...it was before you were born. They’d had a fight, they were both down when she kept struggling to get pregnant. Your daddy came over to our place just to have a drink with Otis, and you know how he struggled back then with alcohol. One drink became two, then three. Eventually, Otis passed out and we were alone. We didn’t mean to, we didn’t plan it, it was just a nice escape.”

Maybe she had asked for it but Beth still struggled to hear Patricia’s answer. She busied herself folding the clothes that Patricia had abandoned before asking anything else.

“Was that it? The end?”

“For a while, yes. For a long time. We made a pact that it’d never happen again and we wouldn’t mention it to your mom or Otis, not ever. The problem with such a promise is that it brings you closer because you share a secret. But you girls came along and things got better, they were happy, we kept our promise until your mom got sick.”

“He did this while she was sick?” Beth asked, her eyes actually widening at the confession. “That’s-”

“Not what you think,” Patricia added. “This was towards the end, we all knew she wouldn’t last much longer. She wasn’t herself and he was afraid, alone with two little girls, I slept over half the time to help him. It was just comfort, Beth. I already knew his worst secret so I think he felt safe telling me the others - how terrified he was, how lonely. After she passed, it happened a few more times. I loved Otis but he wasn’t sharp like your daddy. We weren’t proud of it.”

“Did you love him?”

Beth didn’t know why she asked, it wouldn’t make her feel any better about him.

“Of course. I knew the man for most my life, of course I loved him. If you’re asking if I was in love with him, I don’t know. I think I could’ve been, if he wasn’t in love with your mom - what you really wanna know, am I right?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“Well, he did. If he could’ve picked, it would’ve been her every time. And of course, I felt guilty. We both did, I still do. But it happened and pretending it didn’t would be a lie.”

“You moved in when I left for college, was that…” Beth couldn’t even finish the thought.

Them finally being together? Them sneaking around now that they were both free from the kids and spouses? As horrible as she felt, Beth almost laughed. The idea of two people her father’s age finally getting to be together was as depressing as it was infuriating and laughter had always been the best medicine.

“That was two friends taking care of each other,” Patricia answered. “It was too late by then. Too late for what you’re thinking. It’s a big farm and it’s even bigger when you’re an empty nester. He needed my help just as much as he needed my company.”

Beth pushed the clothes she’d been folding towards the side and finally looked Patricia in the eyes. 

“None of this really makes me feel any better,” she finally spoke, throwing a hand up in the air. “I don’t know why I thought it would.”

“Well, it’s easier to make peace when you know what you’re making peace with,” Patricia replied.

“I guess. I miss him so much, but I also feel sick at the thought of what he did. Maybe I just needed to know how sick I should feel, how bad it really was, if I should hate him.”

“And if you should hate me?” Patricia asked with a defeated smile.

“That too. But I don’t, you know that right? Me and Maggie would’ve been lost without you growing up and especially the last few months, you were taking care of him so I could concentrate on other things. He would’ve been stuck in some hospice where he was lucky to get turned once a week if you didn’t take it all on. You know we’re grateful, right?”

“I know. And speaking of which, there’s something else I should probably tell you.”

Beth felt her stomach drop. She was just starting to make sense of Patricia’s first bombshell, she didn’t need another.

“No, it’s not like that,” Patricia promised, seeing Beth’s panic. “It’s not bad, I don’t think so anyway.”

“What?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking. He is gone now. And Beth, you’ve got a good handle on things around here, there isn’t much for me to do anymore. You and Shane...y’all are fine on your own. I’ve been talking to my daughter and I think I’m gonna move in with her, spend more time with my grandbabies.”

“Oh.” 

Beth wasn’t sure what to say. Part of her already missed the woman next to her but another part of her was relieved. She wouldn’t have to look at Patricia every day, there wouldn’t be a constant reminder of her father’s dirty deeds. It wasn’t fair to Patricia, Beth knew that, but when was life ever fair?

“Judging by your not begging me to stay, I can see it’s the right choice.”

“Patricia, no-”

“Beth, it’s okay. I know some space might do us good. That’s okay. Things might not ever be the same between us but this might be a good time to start fresh. Because speakin’ of fresh, you and Shane don’t need me around driving you crazy. Enjoy each other.”

“When were you thinkin’ of leaving?”

“Not too soon,” Patricia answered. “She wants to set up my room nice and pretty. And I’ve gotta go through my own stuff here. But I thought I should let you know that it’s gonna happen, I don’t wanna spring it on you.”

“Thank you,” Beth replied, exhaling and wiping some sweat from her brow with her forearm. “Don’t feel like you have to rush though, not on my account.”

“I know I don’t. I also know you’ll be just fine without me here.”

Her next words may have sounded cocky but Beth said them anyway, it was true, after all.

“I know,” she agreed, finally standing up and reaching a hand out to help Patricia up too. “I guess we should get started on heating up those casseroles, huh?”

“We need too,” Patricia agreed, heading towards the door. “Denise is gonna be here any minute and I haven’t even started. You coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Beth hesitated for a few moments, until Patricia’s footsteps were headed downstairs. Finally, she retrieved the scarf and tossed it in the keep pile before heading downstairs too.

Getting a late start proved to be for the best. Denise arrived moments later but Shane and Tara didn’t get home until a good twenty minutes after everything had been reheated. They’d gotten a late call and when he came into the kitchen and greeted her with a kiss, Beth could see he was exhausted. Exhausted, but glad to be home, judging by the way he rested his forehead against hers for a beat too long and breathed her in with his eyes closed. 

Over dinner, Tara and Shane told them all about the man they’d been forced to chase on foot - all because of the car he’d graffitied after learning his ex-girlfriend had finally plucked up the courage to move on with her life. A late call that included an arrest always meant a late night and Beth knew it would be the first of many such nights, she just hoped he always came back safe to her. After everyone was stuffed and the laughter was replaced by moans of full bellies, Denise and Tara finally headed home, but only after Beth assured them she needed no help with cleanup. 

She chased Patricia to bed too, insisting she could manage to wash a few dishes on her own.

“You care if I go finish this report?” Shane asked, once they’d cleared all the plates from the table and Beth was filling the sink up with suds. 

He came up behind her and kissed her neck, his large hands wrapping around her waist and pressing himself against her backside.

“I think I can manage,” Beth answered with a smile. “Plus, I’d rather you be free tonight.”

“That so? You got plans for me?”

“Don’t I always?”

“Yes you do,” Shane whispered, kissing his way down her shoulder.

Beth knew they’d both get distracted if he kept it up and neither his report or her dishes would ever get finished. Finally she turned around and playfully swatted him with the dash rag, shooing him away just like all the rest.

“Go,” she laughed. “Before my water gets cold.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

They were both still grinning when he grabbed his laptop from the counter and headed upstairs towards the AC.

Beth was almost finished with the dishes when she heard his phone ring. She was elbow deep in Dawn and grease and paid it no attention, letting it go off from its spot on the counter - where Shane always dumped everything in his pockets the moment he walked through the door. It kept ringing and she debated if she wanted to place some sort of bowl there, something that could easily collect his spare change and keys without making a mess. Finally, the caller gave up and Beth’s train of thought returned to the dishes, at least until it began to ring again.

Back-to-back calls were never good. Maybe he’d forgotten something at work, maybe it was Denise or Tara stranded on the side road, Beth didn’t know but she couldn’t ignore it anymore. Killing the water and drying her hands off quickly on the dishrag she’d just swatted him away with, Beth skipped over to the counter where his phone sat, her heart stopping in her chest when she saw the name on his screen.

The question she’d wondered weeks before was finally answered. Rick’s number was still stored in Shane’s phone as a contact.

It’d already been ringing for too long and before Beth could even decide if she should, she picked it up, swiping the screen, and held it to her ear.

“Hello?” 

It took a moment for the person on the other end to say anything and she worried she’d waited too long.

“Hello?” 

“Beth?”

It was Rick. Her mind hadn’t been playing tricks on her nor did Shane have any other Ricks that would be calling him - what she’d almost hoped was the case when she’d seen the name.

She waited for him to say something else, forgetting that it was her turn to speak. 

“I was looking, I…” he trailed off and Beth could’ve sworn she heard him laugh. “Is Shane there?”

Rick sounded just as confused by the smile in his voice as Beth was to hear it.

“Yeah, he’s upstairs. I can get him if you want.”

“Please.”

That time she was positive the man on the other end of the line was smiling and Beth just stuttered her next words out, her brain having a hard time catching up.

“Yeah, alright hold on.”

She wasn’t sure her feet had ever moved quite so fast. Beth took the stairs two at a time, pressing the phone against her ear, afraid that if she stopped listening to the other line they might lose him again.

*****

He was sprawled out in his boxer briefs, starting to doze off with the laptop next to him when Beth burst through the door. She looked like she’d run a marathon and before Shane could even ask what was wrong or pretend like he hadn’t just been about to fall asleep, Beth was shoving his phone in his direction.

“Who is it?”

Shane’s stomach dropped as Beth whispered the answer, her hand covering the speaker.

“It’s Rick.”

Shane had expected her to say it was the sheriff or Tara, literally any name would’ve came to him before Rick. Finally he sat up but still didn’t make a move to take it from her.

“Take it,” she urged again. “Shane, just take it before the call gets dropped or something. He sounds...different.”

“Different?”

“ _Happy_. I think. Just take it.”

For some reason, hearing that a pleasant voice awaited him made Shane pause even longer. 

There was only one thing that Shane knew of that would make his ex-best-friend happy but also warranted a phone call. Of course, Shane had never actually expected said phone call or any acknowledgment at all. But...he knew. Deep down, how could he not?

The timing was right. 

Intentionally, he hadn’t kept a perfect track of Lori’s pregnancy. Iit would’ve been torture to know the time was drawing closer and closer, that his baby was about to be born, and that he could have no part of it. But even without counting the days, like they’d no doubt gotten the pleasure of doing, Shane hadn’t been able to entirely forget the time was approaching. 

Maybe he didn’t get to pack a hospital bag or fight over names or worry about installing the carseat, but it’d always been there in the back of his mind. Sometimes he found himself wondering if it’d already happened, had his daughter already been brought into the world and he was none the wiser? Other times he lied to himself, claiming all he wanted to hear was that she was safe - whenever it happened. If nothing else, he at least wanted to know she was healthy.

When Shane finally took the phone from Beth’s hand, he already knew what Rick was going to say. Still, it didn’t stop his normally steady hand from shaking.

“Hello?” Shane spoke, a wave of warmth that Shane hadn’t expected, crashing through him when Rick finally replied.

“Congratulations. I guess I get to be the first to tell you...you’re a daddy.”

The air left Shane’s lungs as he held his free hand over his mouth, blinking back the tears that Rick’s words had spawned. Not just because of what was said but because of who was saying it. Beth had taken a few steps back, most likely about to leave so Shane could have his privacy, but he didn’t want any. He grabbed her before she could leave, meeting her eyes and squeezing her hand as she stood over him.

“You there?” Rick asked, bringing Shane’s attention back to the phone against his ear.

Shane struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, not caring that his voice cracked when he replied.

“Yeah. Yeah man, I’m here.”

“I take it you heard me?” Rick asked and Shane could hear the laughter in his voice. “Your daughter just arrived.”

There were a million questions Shane wanted to ask but he started with the most important.

“How is she? Everything okay? She alright?”

“She’s perfect, Shane. She’s healthy. 8lbs, 15oz...big, healthy girl. Everybody is doing great. She was born about two hours but you know how it goes. We had to wait for Lori to come back to recovery after the c-section.”

Shane looked towards Beth to find her grinning to her ears, her head nodding along, assuring him that the conversation happening was real.

“I don’t know what to say, man,” Shane answered, rubbing a hand over the back of his head. “I-”

“I know,” Rick told him. “The first baby always leaves you speechless. Hell, I guess the second one does too.”

Shane tried to imagine his friend on the other end of the line. Rick sounded like...Rick. It was a voice Shane hadn’t heard since before the shooting, back when they ordered burgers for lunch and shared a pile of ketchup for their fries. Was he in the room with the baby now? Had he stepped outside to sneak a phone call while Lori nursed? 

“Why?” Shane finally asked, working up the nerve to learn the truth.

Was Rick throwing him one last bone or inviting him to come play?

“Why’d you call me, Rick? Why now?”

The line grew silent for a minute and Shane worried he’d ruined the mood. But finally, Rick spoke again, his voice growing more serious.

“Shane...I was standing there and the nurses are all tellin’ me _‘dad, come over here and cut the cord’_ or _‘here you go, dad, hold her while we finish up on your wife’_. And all I could think was...I’m not her dad. Not the way you are. And you were missing all these moments, moments you can’t get back. And God, she’s beautiful and innocent and she deserves to know you. This ain’t about me or even you and Lori, it’s about what’s best for her. And after looking at her? Holdin’ her? Counting her ten little fingers and toes? I can’t deny her that.”

That time it was Rick’s voice that cracked and Shane waited a moment before responding, allowing them both the opportunity to collect themselves.

“Does Lori know?”

Shane braced himself for what he didn’t want to hear - it already felt too good to be true.

“She does. We’d been playing around with the idea lately, you know? We weren’t sure what to do...it’s all a mess. But then today, we both knew the answer.”

The tears were back in Shane’s eyes when he glanced up at Beth again, struggling to find the right words.

“Thank you,” he finally said after Beth gave his hand another encouraging squeeze.

“You’re welcome. And I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you probably wanna see her?”

“Yeah, text me pictures.”

“I will when I hang up but we actually had somethin’ else in mind. Somethin’ you might like a bit better. Since Lori had a c-section we’ll be here for three days. I don’t know what your schedule is these days but uh, if you could get here before she’s discharged...there’s a paper the hospital needs everyone to fill out if you want your name on the birth certificate. Since we’re married, I’d automatically go on it but-”

“So that’d mean…”

“You’d have legal rights. Yes. If you can do it before she’s discharged it’ll be a lot easier, less paperwork, less waiting. She could be a Walsh. Judith Walsh. Carl picked the first name.”

The first name was no surprise, but Shane didn’t say that. He couldn’t say anything. In a matter of minutes, he’d gone from thinking he’d never even see this baby to learning he could not only go visit her but that there’d be a little girl in the world with his last name, one he could legally stake his claim on. He’d get to hold her, kiss her, and eventually tell her his side of the story. 

Luckily the two men knew each other so well that Rick didn’t need Shane to say anything. His silence said enough. 

“You should bring Beth too, if you want. The more the merrier. I know you two are…”

“Yeah,” Shane managed to say, catching his breath and smiling. “We’ll be there.”

“Good. I’ll text all the details when I hang up, what time were you thinking? It’s an eight-hour drive, one hour flight.”

Shane’s body was finally coming to life after the tidal wave of relief that had paralyzed him and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You already looked it up?”

“I did,” Rick admitted.

“We’ll leave early in the morning,” Shane told him. “Probably get there in the afternoon if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine.”

They both paused and Shane was still struggling to come to grips with his new reality. He’d always hoped that one day they’d reconsider but he’d never really thought it possible. At best, he’d expected a teenage girl to come knock on his door in eighteen years, finally searching out the man that shared half of her genetics. He’d already been planning what he’d tell her if the day ever came. Apologies, stories, everything.

“Thank you,” Shane finally said again.

“You’re welcome, Shane. Lori’s still a loopy from all the drugs so I better get back in there though, okay? Stay by your phone so we can send the name of the hospital and pictures,” Rick paused and for a second Shane worried he was changing his mind. “It was good hearing you.”

“You too,” Shane answered. “And hey Rick?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of her for more.”

“You always knew I would.”

The call disconnected and Shane tossed his phone onto the bed, already eager to hear the text alert that would mean pictures of his baby. 

“Was that what I think it was?” Beth finally asked when Shane grabbed her hands and pulled her towards him.

He was positive the grin on her face was a perfect reflection of his own.

“It was,” Shane nodded. “She’s here. They’re gonna let me be on the birth certificate.”

He knew she’d heard that part but Shane couldn’t help it, he just wanted to say it out loud.

“And get to go see her too, right?”

“You too,” Shane answered. “I mean...if you wanna.”

He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, holding both of her hands as she stood over him, both of them teary, smiling fools.

“If you want me there, I’m there.”

“I love you, of course I want you there.”

It took his brain a second to register what he’d just said. But judging by the way Beth intertwined their fingers, she hadn’t missed a word. It felt so natural slipping through his lips that Shane hadn’t been able to question if it was too soon to say or even appropriate. Before he could apologize or take it back, not that he wanted to, Beth was already taking another step until finally she climbed on his lap, straddled his waist, and kissed his lips.

“I love you too,” she finally answered while holding his gaze.

“You’re sure this ain’t all too much for you?”

“I’m positive,” she answered, stroking his face between her hands and landing another easy kiss on his lips. “I wouldn’t wish for anything else. Because I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When he met her lips again, Beth gave him a gentle shove, until Shane was flat on his back and she stayed straddling his waist. Their kisses were slow and lazy, taking the time to absorb the words that had just been exchanged. 

“Should I find a hotel online?” Beth asked when their lips finally parted.

“Please. I gotta call work, let ‘em know I’ll be out for a few days.”

“Will they care?”

“They can’t. Technically I could take paternity leave. Not a damn thing they could do, all fathers get it.”

“You like the sound of that, don’t ya?” Beth asked, kissing him again. “ _Fathers_?”

“Damn right,” Shane admitted with a goofy grin. “What about you? You like it?”

“I do. I think it fits you very well.”

Before Shane could reply, his text alert went off, both of them racing to rescue his phone from the tangled sheets so he could finally see his daughter.


	12. Chapter 12

Summer in Virginia proved to be just as stifling as Georgia’s heat. Shane pulled the old truck in front of the hospital, right by the maternity ward, waiting to roll up the windows until he’d killed the engine because they would suffocate otherwise. It would’ve made more sense to stop at the hotel first so they could freshen up but Beth had punched the address of the hospital into Google Maps on her phone that morning and Shane had driven straight through, only stopping to relieve their bladders or grab a bite to eat.

“You really gotta remind me to change your brakes when we get home,” he said, putting the truck into park.

“Mmm, yes, you’ve said that already. About twenty times.”

“It’s the first time I’ve driven it. Not much longer and it’s gonna be metal on metal. You wait too long and you’ll have to replace the rotors too. I don’t think you want that.”

“And I think you’re nervous,” Beth replied, reaching over to force the keys from the ignition. “Which is kinda cute, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous.”

“I’m not...alright, I am nervous.”

“Admitting it is the first step.”

“What if I go in there and they’ve changed their mind?”

“They won’t. They’ve had since last night to change their mind. Shane, it’s gonna be okay.”

“I should’ve brought something, I-”

“You brought yourself. You woke up at 5 am to drive eight straight hours. I think that’s plenty. If you want we can stop at the gift shop though.”

“Nah, I just wanna get in there.”

“Then let's go,” Beth laughed, already getting out. “You coming?”

Shane drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel before finally letting out a deep exhale.

“Yeah,” he answered, rolling his window up and getting out. “I’m coming.”

She grabbed his hand once they were next to each other and Shane led the way through the sliding glass doors, straight to the desk to check-in. They took turns standing for pictures for the visitor badges and by the time they stepped out of the elevator, his nerves had been replaced with jealousy. Every door they passed was full of pastel balloons, with smiling mothers and fathers, all counting down the hours until they were discharged and could take their babies home. Was it possible to miss someone he hadn’t even met yet?

Stretching his legs after such a long drive felt amazing but not quite as good as stopping in front of the correct room number, knowing his baby was on the other side.

Finally, he gave the door a knock and after hearing Lori answer from the other side, Shane paused to collect himself and look at Beth.

“Go,” she urged, letting go of his hand to open the door herself, giving him a nudge inside.

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to find inside, but it wasn’t the two faces smiling back at him. A part of Shane still refused to believe it was real. But judging by the swaddled newborn in Lori’s arms, he wasn’t dreaming.

“Well, look at what the cat dragged in,” Rick said, standing up from the chair placed by Lori’s bedside.

“Yeah well, we received a call about a juvenile.” 

Before he could even finish the sentence, Rick pulled him into a hug, whispering congratulations in Shane’s ear. Shane had expected a handshake at most, but he hugged Rick back anyway, the same way they used to before it all went to shit, their arms gripping each other tightly, never ones to care about showing affection for another man.

“I take it no introductions are necessary,” Shane said when they eventually parted. “Y’all know Beth.”

“We do,” Lori confirmed with a smile. “I remember when you were just a little girl.”

“And I remember when Carl was just no bigger than this one,” Beth replied after Rick had hugged her too and she approached Lori. “How’s he liking being a big brother?”

“He’s smitten. We all are.”

Shane stood back and watched the two women interact for a moment, still struggling to grasp his new reality. It was hard to believe he’d ever rolled around in the sheets with Lori Grimes. Sure, she looked beautiful, glowing even - as any new mother would, but when his eyes landed on hers there was none of the comforting familiarity that was always present when he locked eyes with Beth. He’d never voiced his biggest fears to Lori or buried his face into her neck, they’d never stayed up talking just for the sake of learning about each other, it’d been nothing but a mistake. But probably the best mistake he’d ever made because it’d ultimately led him to Beth and his daughter.

“Speaking of being smitten,” Rick said, always capable of reading Shane’s mind. “You wanna hold your daughter?”

“I didn’t drive out here just to shoot the shit.”

Would he ever forget the moment Lori placed his baby in his arms?

Holding a newborn wasn’t a foreign concept to him, he’d done it before, he’d even been Rick and Lori’s full-time babysitter whenever they’d wanted a date night. Shane could burp and change diapers like a pro but it was entirely different when the infant in his hands belonged to him. No one had warned him how much more fragile they suddenly seemed or that, even though he knew he was doing just fine, Shane couldn’t help but worry if her neck was supported correctly.

The gentle sway of his body came naturally though. 

He stood there, rocking her just a bit, until her sleepy brown eyes opened and she wiggled in his arms. Already she recognized Lori’s voice, and Rick’s too, but Shane knew he was a stranger to the tiny baby whose fingers wrapped around his pointer finger. He introduced himself with a kiss on her forehead and tears in his eyes, not caring if anyone saw him cry. Shane was positive he could’ve stood there and stared at her forever, already seeing the smallest hints of himself in her features, but it wasn’t until she stilled and fell back to sleep that he walked a few slow steps towards Beth, dying to show her off.

“What ya think?” he asked, leaning in close so Beth could brush a hand over her cheek.

“I think she’s perfect. She has your lips, I know that cupid’s bow anywhere.”

Beth’s words made them all laugh, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, let’s just thank God she doesn’t have my nose.”

“Hey, I like your nose.”

“Is there an eye doctor in this place?” Shane joked, finally turning to glance towards Rick and Lori. 

“No, but I think vision that bad warrants a trip to the emergency room,” Rick told him with a grin. 

It wasn’t much longer and Judith really began to stir. Never before had Shane felt such a pull towards another person, her cries making his chest literally ache until Lori handed him a tiny bottle of already prepared formula. Sitting down on the edge of Lori’s bed, Shane tried to pay attention to the conversation happening around him - Lori’s reasons for choosing not to breastfeed, how the delivery went, a lovely nurse that had snuck them extra food from the cafeteria, but Shane’s attention was focused on the baby in his arms, draining her bottle dry. He made a mental note to thank Beth for carrying the conversation on his behalf.

Sitting there forever in awe was tempting but when Lori asked Rick to run out to their car to grab the extra bag she’d brought, wanting extra opinions on the baby clothes she’d packed for Judith to go home in, Shane finally handed his daughter back to her mother, making sure to burp her first. 

“I take it you didn’t follow me out here just to help with one little bag?” Rick asked once they made it outside, the sun beating down on them as he retrieved the black duffle bag from the trunk before closing it again.

“Nah, I didn’t.”

They both leaned against the car’s bumper and Shane waited to speak again. He stared as his ex-partner’s profile, waiting for the other man to crack. Rick looked good, he sounded good, but Shane was positive the day’s events had to hurt like hell. He tried to imagine another man getting Beth pregnant and then welcoming that same man back with open arms on what should’ve been one of the happiest days of their life.

“I imagine this ain’t easy for you,” Shane finally spoke, both of them staring out across the parking lot. “Welcomin’ me back with open arms...I dunno man. I’m glad y’all are, but I don’t think I could do it.”

“It’s not about me,” Rick told him. 

“Still. You know, I used to think I was the tough one, the hard cop. Think I might’ve been wrong.”

Rick just laughed, his next words not coming until he was good and ready.

“This new baby high will wear off. And it’s not easy. It’s not. It won’t be for any of us. But if we can’t at least start off right, we’re screwed. What happens when you two are arguing over who gets her for Christmas or her sixteenth birthday? Who gets to teach her how to drive or decides when she can pierce her ears? And I’ll just stand back - wonderin’ if I should even get a say in the matter.”

“Of course, you will,” Shane promised him. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. But I just wanted to be there too, man. I already hate the idea of leavin’ her but I know I gotta. You and Lori seem happier here, I bet Carl is too. Hell, next time I get to hold her she’ll have already doubled her weight. You’ll get the first smile, first laugh, get to read her bedtime stories.”

“You’ll get those things too,” Rick answered, his accent coming out strong. “We ain’t gonna keep her from you.”

“I know. But still, you’re gonna be there more than me, especially in the early days. No point in pretendin’ you won’t. It could be worse though. She gets two daddies, right? And I gotta tell ya, if it can’t be me there, I’m glad it’s you. There ain’t anyone else I’d rather share the title with.”

He watched Rick as the tension disappeared from his jaw, his head tilting at the words.

“Thank you,” Rick answered, finally turning to face him. 

“I missed you.”

Shane wasn’t expecting Rick to say it back, he would’ve understood, but he had to say it.

“I missed you too,” Rick answered, breaking into a laugh. “‘Specially when we moved into this new place and found out the garbage disposal was broke and the dryer connection is shot.”

Shane grinned too, imagining Rick attempting to fix it all with a very pregnant Lori standing over his shoulder with a frown.

“You got my number, use it.”

“If y’all wanna stay in town long enough, you can stop by and do it yourself. I doubt you’re in any rush to leave and Carl would love to see you.”

“I’d like that.”

“Beth won’t mind?”

“I’ll ask her but I know she’ll agree.”

“You two...seems serious.”

“It is,” Shane confirmed with no hesitation. 

“It’s about damn time.”

They both laughed at Rick’s words, because of how very true they were. Rick had been there through every single one of Shane’s one night stands or messy flings, he’d listened to all of Shane’s stories about the women who left nothing more than a notch in the bedpost behind - the way Shane had preferred it. But things with Beth were different and getting that recognition from Rick, of all people, was something Shane hadn’t even known he’d wanted until it happened.

“You ready to get back in there?” Rick asked. “Change some diapers before y’all head to the hotel?”

“Can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

*****

The last time she’d been in a hospital, her father had been having a stroke. Beth had been alone, her hands shaking as she struggled to fill out his insurance forms. At the time she’d truly believed there was no worse place on earth than inside the walls of a cold, sterile hospital room. But those days were easier to forget when Beth sat by Lori’s bedside, admiring the newborn Lori had placed in her arms.

“You’re a natural,” Lori told her. “Must be all those babysitting gigs you used to do.”

“Maybe,” Beth agreed, stroking a finger down Judith’s chunky cheek. 

“Is this hard for you? Knowing he has a baby with someone else?”

Lori asked the question gently but Beth’s answer was firm and honest.

“No,” she answered. 

How could it be hard? Beth hadn’t known that someone else’s happiness could mean so much to her until Shane had gotten their phone call. It was like watching someone she loved open up a Christmas present they’d always wanted but had never expected to receive and Beth had gotten teary-eyed just watching him. 

“I think I would die of jealousy,” Lori blurted out, making them both smile.

“She’s always been there,” Beth said. “I mean, from the moment we started spending time together, he’s talked about the situation, how badly he wanted this. It’s kinda always been a package deal. I’m just glad he gets to be a part of it. Plus...who couldn’t love a baby? Especially one that’s part him. She’s beautiful.”

Beth didn’t even realize how hard she was smiling until she looked up and saw Lori beaming at her.

“You must really care about him.”

“I do.”

“Well, I’m glad. I’m happy he has someone. You know, things between him and I, we weren’t-”

“Lori, you don’t have to explain to me. Plus, he already has.”

Beth’s smile did little to remove Lori’s serious expression.

“I know. I just feel like I have to explain to someone. Especially her,” Lori answered, nodding towards the baby. “She’s gonna hate me one day when she learns what I did.”

Judith was still fast asleep when Beth repositioned, holding her snug against her chest, landing a quick kiss in the baby’s brown hair before answering.

“Well, if it ever comes to that...I know someone she can probably talk to.”

“Who?”

Luckily, Beth was saved from replying. 

Rick and Shane returned, carrying Lori’s bag, and Beth sighed in relief. Not just from the awkward answer that would’ve followed Lori’s question but because both men were smiling. She’d worried that at the last minute things would turn ugly but it seemed whatever Shane had chased Rick outside to talk about, it’d went well. Or well enough. 

“Well, since you’re back, how about you take a walk with me,” Lori said to Rick once everyone was settled. “I gotta start getting around if we want to ever escape this joint. Plus, I’m sure you two wouldn’t mind a moment alone.”

Beth waited until Rick had helped his wife out of bed and they’d made their very slow, very careful way out the door before she turned to Shane.

“You want her back?” Beth asked, giving Judith another kiss so she could breathe in that beautiful new baby smell one more time.

“In a minute,” Shane answered, pulling up the spare chair to sit next to them. “I’m quite likin’ this view to be honest.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes ma’am, it is.”

Before Beth could even smile, Shane had his phone out, snapping a quick picture in her direction. He took a few more, just for good measure, finally taking Judith into his arms again once Beth insisted. She waited until he was comfortable and not expecting it to snap a few pictures of her own, already setting one as her wallpaper before texting it straight to his number.

“So how you feelin’ over there?” he asked. “Is this too much for you?”

It was too much for her, but not the way Shane meant it.

Maybe Lori had been right, maybe there was just a twinge of jealousy when she watched him cradle Judith against his chest. But not for the reasons Lori probably meant.

Beth just wished Shane could’ve experienced it all, every last bit. She was positive he would’ve smiled that shit-eating grin when the pee stick showed a plus sign, he would’ve went to every doctor’s appointment, he would’ve picked out nursery colors and taken great pleasure in going to get midnight cravings. Would his training have kept him calm as a birth coach or would his excitement and nerves have won out? Beth didn’t know all the answers, but she ached to be the one to learn them. 

“Oh, Rick invited us over the day they’re discharged. He’s got a few things he needs help with plus you know…”

“I know,” Beth smiled, knowing full and well Shane wanted every last second he could get before they headed home.

“That’s good with you? You ain’t got any plans?”

“Oh I have plans,” Beth teased. “But I think they can wait a few days.”

“That right?”

“Yeah...now that Daddy’s room is almost cleared out, I was thinking we could paint it.”

“Mhmm, and what color were you planning on painting it?”

They were both smiling and Beth pretended to think it over.

“I don’t know, what about a nice shade of pink? Something a little girl might like.”

“Pink?” he asked, nodding along. “Could work. But what about the rest of all those rooms?”

“What about them?”

“You could paint those too. But I was thinking something a bit more...what’s the term? Gender-neutral.”

“And why is that?”

Shane was still grinning when he reached out and grabbed her hand, placing a quick kiss on it before meeting her eyes and answering - always the mind reader.

“I mean, just because this one is a girl doesn’t mean the next one will be.”

“Next one?” Beth asked, faking confusion.

“That is an awfully big house you’ve got on your hands, lady. Sure would be a shame if one day we didn’t fill it up with a few more rugrats.”

“We?”

“Yeah, we,” he confirmed. “That a problem?”

Beth locked her fingers with his and smiled.

“No. It never was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm gonna try not to blabber too much now that it's all finished. I can't believe it's already reached that time! I gotta admit it...this eventually just turned into a fix-it fic for me, at least for Shane and Rick. Do I think it would've played out like this on the show? Not necessarily. But it's what my little fangirl heart wanted, mmmkay?
> 
> Also a HUGE (like seriously, GIANT) thank you to everyone that has read and left kudos and/or comments. It means a lot to any author, but especially one writing about a rare pair in a fandom that's slowly dying. Hats off to all of you who took the time to show a little bit of love, it's truly appreciated. ♥
> 
> With that said, it _is_ finished. Right now I'm not really working on anything else and seeing as how things are looking at the moment (coronavirus), I'm definitely in the market for another good distraction. So if any of you have a prompt or idea for either Shane/Beth or Shane/Rick, feel free to shoot it at me. My tumblr is bernthalus-christ. I can't promise I will write it, I have a really hard time just taking requests and being able to write them, I'm weird. But. I'm definitely all ears and looking for some inspiration. 
> 
> And again, thanks to everyone who left a kudos or review! Stay safe out there, please!


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